Lifegoesonthelonelinesstoo

some pieces of my thought throughout 2011 (3)

2012-01-05T23:43:00.003+11:00

What defines to be a Korean? Language? Gene? Family background? Appearance? Nationalist passion? Interest on K-pop culture? Paying tax? Passport? Completion of military duty? If ones don't know what's to be a Korean, how come they are so loyal to that 'don't know' thing? Need some clarification on one's decision of his/her identity.

Happiness can be found everywhere. But the existence of life is concerned, happiness can only be found in one way.

The events in Bible are metaphorical? There may be some mismatches with the true histories, but events themselves are not metaphorical. That's my conclusion.

Tmr is never promised. But we try to make sure about future.

I'm NOTHING. What a blessing to realize it!

Don't look at yourself but look at the interest of others.

Peeping on other intellectuals' understanding existance of evil in God's creation. Interesting, but it feels bad that I cannot say my own argument.

‎'I don't know how come I exist, but I just live because I have life'. How come we a so light-minded? There are too much things going on and we are always busy. But we never thought about the meaning or purpose of what u live in.

Small weather changes alter human mental condition. In this gigantic universe, how trivial we are! Nevertheless, we are valued. That's so amazing.

I'm braggin my 'nothingness' so that my God can be glorified alone.

Do I seek for exotic? No. Do I look for the difference? Yes.

We are too busy concerning about relationship with other people. What about yourself/myself? Is it really non-sense to think about reason of own existence because it's not productive?

They know a tremendous number of things - but is it worth while knowing all these things if they don't know the one important thing, The only important thing? (from Siddhartha)

Life without depression sounds abnormal, but no one really faces it face to face. We tend to ignore it so much that now it is designated as a disease. But is it really so extra from our life? At least as long as I know, no one goes without it. For me, it is like a mechanism that gives u a feeling of emptiness. In other words, it tells we gotta fill it with something, other than our own.

Dreaming of being on a beach of Indian Sea. The whole feelings of my youth covered me overwhelmingly. The time I felt when everything means nothing. It was, indeed, a beauty of life.

People are so busy living for tomorrow. They live today for tomorrow. When the tomorrow comes, I find them still busy for the tomorrow's tomorrow. They actually never meet the 'tomorrow' they are after. However, people still live for the tomorrow. Why don't we live today? Why don't we just live out today? If today is gone, then there'll be another today. As long as being in the right track, live today. use today to fulfill the right one.

For Christians, do u love God? I mean, do u love God who wants all of you? Do u love God who does not want you to look for your worldly bliss? Don't blur the image of God. Just say yes and act out, my bros and sis.

SNS is to show off me, then my use of it is intentionally differentiated as the records of my thought. It is never for the spectator but for me and the ppl with capability of thinking what I'm on.

The one who gave me gospel is about to be anointed. Thank you, Lord!

God made home real home, family real family, and me real me. Such an amazing grace!

You are what u talk. Treasure is what u speak of all the time. Look at what you say for finding you.

Agony is a great chance to ponder on the 'self'. Seize the opportunity rather than ignoring it by listening to what people say.

World develops, people earn more money, and technology introduces new convenience. Then why crime increase and less and less people are nice to others? I guess I see something here.

I await my hero. Patience and excitement accompany with me till the time comes. Just wish more of my people get into the right way with me.

Balloons, rides, roads closed, happy music and so on. That's how Carnegie(main road) looks like now. I'm very curious. Merry christmas for who? Happy birthday to who?

This life is so lonely and full of righteous sorrow. Teach me and lead me cuz you are my Lord.

I just saw a life struggling for meaning. He earns really well but the emptiness in him shakes him really much. I hope he start wonder about life and find God.

The Dogmatic force which is called 'natural selection' is prevailing, but its prevalence cannot justify its credentiality. Hm. Yeah, it may make sense in the democratic world.

I'm growing two tomato trees and two garlic plants. They grow well. Now I'm waiting for rain which the forecast kept expecting since sunday and never happens.

Being a real friend is hard, since he/she gotta tell something bitter to the one they really care. But poorer is the one who does not recognise them.

train delayed and I just called off the work. Stuck in the broken train and I couldn't do any. People got upset. But small kids were smiling and swinging their tempered parents' hands. Perhaps ageing means learning to get upset easily over something not that important.

I live today not for tmr nor today but for you, Jesus.

pen and paper. Endless pursuit of linguistic painting.

The first attempt for appealing my own idea than writing off what uni wants resulted in what I expected. No H1, but it was worth it.

Self-mortification, self-esteem, and self-confidence in God makes nothing but self-righteousness and self-deception. We just need selfless love to God to be judged righteous. We do things cuz we love God.

Memory. the unforgettable day on the Indian beach under the monsoon rain. That was a chance of tasting a 'normal' life. It was the closest exotic experience to the commonness. Time has passed a few years. But I still remember the smell of the wet rain from the day.

For a city life, rain means a tool of sentimental reflection. It is a kind of accessory people talk about under the ceiling. On the other hand, rain is a critical essence to the rural life. It is a life supply and sometimes a threat to lives. The adequate concerns from both perspectives cannot be considered simultaneously by one person, since its implication weighs differently according to the situation. What we do is only a guess or estimation. Like this, the way we see things is deeply linked to the situation we face and the interest we have. Then, it seems human view is very apt to be sided.

You are so different from anything else in the world. You are so absolute and your love is so firm. In this changeable and superficial world, you solely are reliable. That difference makes your worth incomparable. In short, you are holy.

May this Christmas be 'real' merry Christmas to you, my friend. Let this birthday be a sane birthday to you. I was so impressed with your concern about you and God.

talking on the phone in the dawn may screw the following day but as long as it was worth knowing deeper feelings of somebody it's a great moment of the life.

Ah!!!!!! When u write something on computer, gotta save it often. Otherwise, u may need to say 'good bye' to the unsaved part reluctantly by encountering a sudden shutdown. (once again, I prefer pen and paper.)

Most people can only understand what they see. This fact has been utilized by evil so well and now it seems almost impossible to believe in something that is not seen. As once I found its illusory lies, my love for the others is ever growing. I really wish they can see what I see. I wish they find it and fulfill the emptiness that stays always in them. I wish they long for the things that never changes throughout their lives and even goes with them further.

What is your reason of living your life? What is your core motivation of life? Do you have one?

a late night. The white flower being reflected by street light. The time when the human loneliness being written. It's a chill night. And it is, indeed, chill.

A suicide note. The boy was mesmerized with the fullness of himself in respect of his existence and it was a victory of the adversary. What if he just had a simple thought upon the meaning of his existence? His letter was my writing back in about less than 10 years ago. (ref : the suicide of a middle school boy in Taegu in Korea)

People say there are things that cannot be shared. In fact, there aren't. It may need some explanation further, but all I say here is that I am one of those who are waiting for you to talk something that seems the thing that only you are concerning about. Whoever read it, don't be bothered being alone. I am here only for your sharing.

Reminiscence of the past brings me of the time where I felt all alone. The time beauty was nothing but a sadness. When the meaning of the thought blossomed, I realized that it was a necessary fertilizer.

He/she who has ears to hear, let him/her hear. This gospel is not those cheap treatments like flue vaccine injection. This is pricelessly valuable gift given by God. U wanna name it in your own way? You'll be charged for that.

The brightly sunny weather woke my diligence and I hang out my doona under the Sun. when a half a day passed, I went to take back my doona with the joy of self-compliment. Now, the doona cover's waiting for washing due to the bird's drop. Another emptiness in effort in worldly life. Haha. (Like words in Ecclesiastes)

To the question of the origin of human pleasure coming from teasing someone. It's not always the case and most(almost all) of such pleasure relates to self-centeredness. We are not pleased over the other's suffer being made by another. When we attach ourselves to the situation, that's where we make joy of.

What u think good may not be real good for you.

A reason establishes a goal. That goal drives motion. Motion defines that person. Therefore, 1) knowing the core reason of motion is essential to justify the person. In addition to that, 2) it is certain that the absence of a reason leads to nowhere but a temporary recklessness.

Paying money for shit. I mean real literal shit. What kind of this convenient world makes me paying for Manure? Hm. Ridiculous but for my tomato.

my thoughts in 2011 from A to Z

2012-01-05T23:34:00.001+11:00

Adopting another culture requires another you. Accepting Christ needs the denial of u.

Bring your bad selfishness to the brightness of God. Let him be the best of your interest.

Calculation for opportunity cost and choice is certainly obvious. Nevertheless choosing Jesus over urself is critically decisive.

Declare your christianity to the others! Demonstrate it verbally and dive into it. U Dare do it and God'd bless u with stronger belief.

Eliminate ur ego and empty ur worldly mind. End them and fill it with God's emotion.

Freedom from the frantic worldly obsession is a small part of God's fellows. Fly high, the fanatics!

Goodness is what God sees good. It does not dwell in what you think. U want goodness? Repent and turn back to Christ. Ask God for his grace, glory, and governing, rather than being driven by your selfish greed.

Hello everyone, I'm on my way to write 'A to Z' comments. If I fill up ur news feed, sorry for that. But I hope some may read them and think about the world, yourself, and the meaning of life. Any concern or question, proceed it thru sending me a msg. If it's too much, please complain it to me. haha. Will be happily awaiting. (Wondering who reads till this length).

Incredible God increases a believer who inclines to decrease.

Jesus is just THE ONLY joy, motivation, and saviour for Chistians. I mean, the one and only, not one of many.

Knowledge is the power in the modern world. Everyone pursue to obtain certain knowledge and know-how in order to become a powerful person. But how many wants to know God in order to please him?

‎'Love others'. Literally true commandment. Some longs for doing it but fail. Why? Cuz they don't know how God loves us. We gotta know God's love first, not merely try to behave willingly. (John 13;34)

Meditation, along with fasting and waiting is what Buddhism suggests for achieving the freedom. It seems Buddha had really good insights. But sorry for him that he couldn't fulfil his thirst and made an unfinished conclusion. What that freedom referred was the hopelessness in himself. The broken heart. The essence of the thirst for God.

Nobody but u, Lord!

Omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent God is the one I believe.

Poverty is ignored,pain is muted, phone is developed but people are isolated, purity is ridiculed, pride is grown, and persecution is strengthened. If it does not seems so, think about your yesterday.

Quality that depends on the acknowledge of quantity is not the way of defining everyone's value, even tho quantity seems to tend to set quality.

Reminding people of God's purpose may be a social turmoil of me, but a spiritual happiness and a serious concern of me.

Seriousness on life has been replaced by entertainment. And it's getting serious in this world.

Too busy to look at oneself is the world. Busy for what? then, that for what? Then that for what? Then, that for what? Then, that for what? Then, that for what?

Undermining your ontological value is on the process. Be aware of the things that makes u wanna fulfil for your own.

Vulnerability seeks security. That's why the beasts of sinners look for holiness.

What's on your mind?

Xenophobia towards sin is a part of holiness. However, the xenophobia towards sinful man is a hypocrisy, since we are all sinful men (traitors of God). Love is a pitiful heart to those who lack of realising the love they are having.

Yawning to the spectacles and yearning to true values of life.

Zoom in and out around your life and see it as an independent phenomenon. And ponder on the synthesis of the meaning of, and result of your life.

Zeal for accomplishing this A to Z comments rendered me the acknowledgement of my tendency of omitting articles. Ah.. Just realised.. Again.

some pieces of my thought throughout 2011 (2)

2011-12-31T03:37:00.001+11:00

not the feel-like ones, but the chosen ones. In urban community, there's something no one talks about. that's what I've bn given.

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you - unless, of course, you fail the test?

What a grace I've got. This is an amazing life.

Christ or nothing. I do not dare to defend my name. For God alone.

Not believing in Demon does not protect u from demon. - from the movie, 'The Rite'. In fact, that's true. Above all, not believing in God does not protect u from his judgment.

some say coincidence. we say grace.

Speaking bible became heresy. what a pity on the contemporary churches of anthropocentric jesus-less gospel! But the passion of gospel cannot be compromised. That's for sure to those who bet their life on the right one. Mercy on us God. We need your mercy. No more blasphemy to holy spirit.

God I know is not entertainable nor temporary. He rules everything at every time. Glory to u, lord.

Holy Spirit, I cordially ask you to do amazing thing to my friend. As you opened his heart to listen to you. That was a stunning flippin. But that's not enough. I pray and expect more than that. All for your glory. Gospel seed has been sowed. It's your turn, Holy Spirit.

Jus one single glimpse of God's beauty will change ur life upside down. One thing for sure.

God's people only jump for the Lord, we ain't jump for the hoods. When I flow, it's gospel!

We are meant to fall. But through the failure, we are meant to recognize the one and only God. That's how he disciplines us, the 'worshipers'.

Faith is this; I don't belong here so I don't care about things around here. I care where I belong. Therefore, I am free from what others care here.

I felt God's tremendous patience. Thx God and sorry for human arrogance.

Theology of Brokenness. one of the essential that we loosely grasp and, sometimes, rebel against.

Holy Spirit, Give your blessing to your lovely son. Let his way be on the way you want him to be. Whatever it takes, please bless this son.

you are always hungry for more. A jar with a big hole in it. That's what you are staring at. Now, let's forget about that stupid jar, so called 'self'. Let's get loose! Wanna join me?

God is enough for today!

Do not test God for your own good, when you are not willing to follow his will.

Being a Christian is a bet u play with ur life. It's not one of the accessories you use to decorate urself.

Is it God u are looking for? Or any types of encouragement from God for urself?

beyond will, that's where the grace dwells in.

Unbearable joy is what I'm looking for. That's what I aim at. And that's how I knew God.

There's no such word 'self-esteem' in Christian. It's all about God and Jesus.

Worldly Ignorance cannot be amoral. However, the passionate ignorance about God is a essentially critical mis-conduct.

knowledge without belief values nothing. Belief without knowledge is same. It does not make sense, 'believe in something that U do not know'.

God can be glorified without u. It's matter of whether u wanna be a part of his glory or not.

God as a part of ur Egocentrism? Or You as a part of Christocentrism?

Just felt that I may need to look at the people who are looking for the real love. I thought I am always available for that, but it seems the others do not think i am. Hm. As long as I can be a part of God's glory, I am always ready for being a living sacrifice. But, God. What about the sickness of being in it? This will restrict what I can say about you. which one would you be more happier? hm...

God is so merciful for you and he always fulfills what you want? is that true? He is so good (in a human-centric way) that he always wants to give you something good ? Be awake. That goodness is not from human point of view. If your first desire is NOT to glorify God, rethink about your faith.

‎1 Corinthians 1:21. human wisdom cannot know(understand) God. - What I felt in Academia about God.-

Faith alone we are justified. What's evidence? your conduct.

Genuine happiness stands firmly on truth.

If that ever-loving God's holy spirit shakes u in the worship and leave u tremble alone after the worship, I've intentionally ignored it. Cuz my God is not instant like that!

God, there are so many people thirsty of u! Bless them with ur words, not those wisdom-less wisdoms, life-less deceit. *jus met the passionate guy.

Deeply rooted self-concerning seems hard to eradicate, especially when one is struggling for knowing God. That's bcuz we are always told that we make our own lives. Face it boldly and challenge urself if u want to be in glory of God.

If Christanity is a belief because God is not sensorily provable, atheism is a belief too.

It's not about what you do. It's all about why you do. do you know why you do what you do? and is that really worthy your youth or your life?

Treasuring Christ is the only way to avoid hell. Hm.. What else can we do?

beautiful weather but it never be mine. How brave we jus exploit it without appreciation towards God.

the world of encouraging optimism matters. why? Optimist people tend to ignore the negative facts that is crucial for them. (from newspaper). Then, I see what's going on in the Christian scene. Avoiding fear of God and sins, 'we are happy in church since jesus did everything for us, whatever that is'.

What makes people thirsty for truth is not the logical affluence of Bible, but the brokenness of each individual. What's brokenness? It's the mind finding hopeless in itself and looking for the absolute truth that worth its total devotion.

some pieces of my thought throughout the year.

2011-12-31T03:05:00.001+11:00

On a clear day, we see things clearly. when it gets foggy, we recognize things so hard, and even cannot see what that there is. Perhaps it is the season of the fog why people are stray. It is due to the artificial fog that we proudly made speck by speck.

‎'don't we always try to keep ourselves busy to be away from the loneliness and emptiness?' We all know we are basically THIRSTY for something like genuine HAPPINESS. The one always stays with you no matter what. Do you really have it? or are you busy mesmerising yourself?

Why do we think we can understand everything even when we agree there's intrinsic limitations in human beings?

I saw a giraffe in zoo and thought 'wow. they are fed for free'. It was kinda sad cuz human is not managing well enough to feed its own species. Perhaps, human tries to manage too many things in their control and get burdened from the pressure. it's kinda human greed that smothers their freedom. we didn't actually need to feed them if we had not interfered them.

it seems true in academia 'degrading the true value of human by upgrading knowledges'.

Why people are selfish in their possessions, but not selfish in their meaning of life? Why do they just live as people tell them? - I guess, the blame for the sociological, political, environmental and social settings.

assignment season - exhausted. party (or reunion of friends) - happy. work in early morning next day - tired. sleeping over - regretful. All sort of mundane cause/effect. It's so meaninglessly momentary, if you think about it.

all agrees with the deficiency of human ability. but it seems no one seriously accepts it.

literature that only a few can understand. the old school practice, which I aim at.

harmony is made by consensus. A and C is different and incommensurable. B wants harmony. then with A or C? that depends which B value More. it seems the time to minimize my position to maximize my ultimate duty.

taming animal, bad. organizational taming of human(management), intelligent. is it really so? what an awesome world!!

We hope. We remember past. We say 'Carpe Diem'. But we postpone our happiness by sayin 'I'll b fine after this'. have u ever really had that 'long-lasting' satisfaction? Or keep sayin that vague cliche and deceive urself?

A night. Full of thoughts. Happiness and pity. mouth and emotion. Why so diff? poor ppl in the wicked world.

joke, wealth, body shape, horror, seriousness, and even a life. All looks easy and everone values experience far too much nowadays. cuz it is believed that everthing is entertainable.

People claim themselves smart. It's like being deceived by a fully-fledged intentional ignorance of the weakness. It seems all we pursue is fantasy whereas all we face is reality.

Some stuff we take for granted are, in fact, the frame set, called 'intended'. A u really in a happy and enjoyable Disney world as everyone tells? sure? isn't that what u desire but never reach? Don't be deceived dear readers, I beg u.

Different lenses can show us different things. We gotta ponder over whether we are using the right one. Even, the most 'intelligent' academia also sees a thing with different lenses according to the fields they deal with. Then, how come we call it 'objective'? Even professors couldn't answer. Interesting.

distorted dichotomy of religion and science. This mess is very interestingly unfolded throughout history without knowing where it goes. Human greed for obtaining judgmental power is the only explanation. *. James 1:15

It feels like saying 'ok' to the phone due to a guy aiming his gun at my face. Forced answer to fulfil the 'taste'. -in an ordinary Essay night

Once u desired for someone beside u for ur whole life(whether lover or friends). A u still looking for the one? Or trying to compromise urself with reality and deny ur desire?

Influencing others cannot be always in a rational way. Especially when it regards the self-reflection. Maybe that's why I keep myself quite till I fully internalise others in me. It's like a combination of self-reflective analysis and suggesting an option other than a discrimination of other's value inferiority.

There seems no absolute standard if we analyze the existing standard CRITICALLY. But that that does not justify there's no such absolute standard in the world.

If u wanna know what u love, look at the people u feel jealous or admire.

The affiliation to the 'ordinariness' is choking the passion to my true romance.

‎'Because everyone does so' cannot be an excuse. as you already know.

Once again, gotta face another 'leftover' me. The thrill of it for 9 yrs never get me easy. Financially, socially, emotionally, physiologically, mentally, psychologically, realistically, literally, traumatically, uniquely, and always it grows.

clear way of seeing something.

2011-05-30T21:47:00.003+10:00

Tremondously upfronting matter exists right in front of my missionary effort.

One thing for sure is that I ain't move nowhere but stick to the thing my life cling to.

It ain't right to be one of harmony-focused people. I'd rather be a righteous person to redefine the harmony.

How come all the Words blurred this much..
Why no one ever wonder where exactly they are heading for.

For those who are passionate for walking to the light,
For those who are lost in their meaing of life,
the wrecked I will be utilized in order to bring a true happiness to them for the only one, my Lord.

technology makes things quick. - 1 (IT)

2011-01-10T13:34:00.005+11:00

Technology makes things quick. All kinds of daily activities become so convenient and quick.

It enabled the range of massive information reachable so that we may not be able to live without sucking them up.

IT(info tech) such as internet, phone, etc. dragged people to nearby place of me and it also buckled me up at a finger-away distance. People cannot move or lay back for the upcoming excitement of the eagerly waited reunion. they are always available. there are too many availabilities on one's hand to keep the relationship alive. It is ridiculous. But it is true. It kills the yearning for the ones who shared the precious part of the life.

It is hardly a case that you eagerly wait for the time you meet your dear friend once again counting the number of days left. That you imagine what the meeting would be like and make smile over your fabulous fiction in your head is dead. Instead, you call and you talk. you set the time and the day and txt each other till the time. Even at the time on the day, you call and inform that you are on the way and sorry for a bit late. This time is a time of the like.

What a dull world it is. How tasteless you are. How bad luck to you who are sick of it but cannot get away out of it like me!

I'm alive.

2010-10-23T09:19:00.002+11:00

Head up to the front.

Walk and dance on the way.

I'm fully-fledged in life!

Thank you.

BAck to Uni with no future~!

2010-07-20T16:38:00.003+10:00

Holiday's over.

It's time to go back to a 'STRANGER' mode.
Who I am is not who i am.
being a student is far more than I expected.(Esp. with work together.)

exploiting my youth seems what I've done so far and it still goes without a secure future.
Is it worthy or not? I have no idea.
But the only thing I will assure is that I will have lived a life without a excuse.

I will maybe regret, I will maybe miss back, but I will be enough to declare myself a man with experience.(even though the experience is not productive.)

A man of stories.
A man of the abnormal.
A man with a UNIQUE smile.

exam season.

2010-06-15T01:43:00.002+10:00

As a Uni student, it is a exam season.
tons of revision(I'd rather say, learning something new) awaits at the front of my eyes and
old brain retards the progress.
A cheap pen keep pours out extra ink through the ball and
Paper becomes a field of scribbles.
the pressure of language and exam burdens quite heavily.
But it is enjoyable overall.(I wouldn't say it if someone asks now, tho.)

Cuz life is all about exam.
it is a big exam that we go along with the learning and applying.

If i am scared or exhausted by this one, that will eventually denies all the exam I've gone through during my lifetime. studying is the one of the easiest thing in the life and exam about it is a piece of cake to a hungry person.

This paper-based academic is just a trivial one of all.
(However, I still worries about the letter, 'F', which means additional cost in reality.)

Let's get dull with it and see the real exam. the throughout-life one.

........so i'm listening to songs and writing stuff instead of revision... Hm..

some says Sobriety can do nothing?

2010-05-11T22:43:00.003+10:00

There are so many things that are justified, merely due to its pleasure.
morality has been plucked out of the real 'fun' and the socialising process never wait for those who are deliberate.

Beauty of refined culture is hardly found and everyone runs to pub and drink for 'fun'.

Once One used to it too. One cannot deny it involves fun.

The only difference 'one' found is that it is eventually a one of this instant ecstasy-addicted fantasies in the world.

It is not about drink.
It is about perspective you have.
how far does your sight stretch?
How far?

SOBERLY, Havin 'not-fun' last Sunday in the inner city of Melbourne for 'FUN'...

I should've tried harder on the bet.. Hm..

How sad it is to face a limit of sharing my happiness.

2010-04-26T21:47:00.002+10:00

This fundamental and immortal happiness in me flows so fully that i can't hold it for my own.

When this unerasable exciting joy is passed to someone else, the righteous satisfaction thru life covers over the whole world of me.
Since it is sincerely happy for me and Him, undeniable joy promised is shaking my delightful emotion so hard. It is even more when I feel another receives.

However,
where this delightfulness is blocked by an arrogance and cannot be stretched to the core of someone's life, sorrow blossoms to feel sorry.

I won't be sad or feel bad about this failure of sharing a flower of faith. Since mine won't be changed.
But the love in me which wanna share the right happiness cannot penetrate my beloved, then, frustration for their love-missing is entitled to my pity.
sympathy is what everyone requires. But wrong direction ignores the right deserving.

How sad it is. How sad my love is. when it encounters a short-sited unsensitivity.

Let it go.

2010-04-09T11:28:00.003+10:00

to the favorable braveness, I said 'let it go'.
to the delicate suggestion, i said 'let it go'.

when the heartful craving is shown in subaqua I see their precious and priceless gleam.
But whatever it comes onto the surface, i was always sayin 'let it go'.

Even though I decided to be greedy, I just can't let 'let it go' go.

It's probably time to let the attitude go.
The trauma from the richness of hand waves in the past.

Somewhere in the middle.

2010-03-23T18:36:00.002+11:00

Where do I belong in aspect of human being?

Biologically, I am a 185cm tall male.
Geologically, I am Korean who stays in Melbourne at the moment.
professionally, I am a melb uni student and a PCA at nursing home in Carnegie.
Religiously, I am a JESUS HOLIC in all capital.
Politically, I am a skeptical to most of the policies which involves ideas of economics.

okay. So are those me?

I do not know. Cuz I don't think I am.

I have friends but i am alone. I am alone but I have friends.
I am religious but i am not religious. I am not Christian but I am Christian.
I am out of the people but i am one of the people. I am not in society but I am a member of it.
I stays in Melbourne but I do not belong to Melbourne. I speak Korean but I don't feel Korea.
My family is all alive but I can't see them. I can't feel them but I love them.
I am not a clubbing one but I like socialising. I don't like biased 'Carpe Diem' life but I enjoy every minute.
I am told I have much experience but I don't agree exprience is good thing.
I traveled a lot but I don't like leaving.
I like food but I cannot cook.
I value people but I tend to be disgusted with crowd.
I do have my own way of thinking but I don't want opportunity cost.
........ then what is it? What am I? What do I want? What do I long for? What am I heading for?

Belonging.

At least, one thing is sure, then.

Business, Busyness.

2010-03-21T02:14:00.002+11:00

Business is never easy.

But when you face busyness including business, you'll dream of going back to deal with single business.

Hanman Diary.

2010-03-09T20:30:00.003+11:00

Knowing nature.
Understanding Society.
Japanese.
Principles of Marketing.

----------------------.
One info.

ohisaSHIBURI desu ne. - means 'haven't seen you for a long time' of a formal way.

When teacher asked the class to repeat, I grinned a bit.
Cuz it sounds like 'where the F*** are you saying now, huh?' in korean.

And then,

informal way of 'haven't seen you for a long time' ..... It was another bomb.

SHIBARAku desu ne.

............. it's just 'You, F***' in korean.

I never laugh with dirty jokes or curse words since I changed my mind.

But it's Japanese. the one I hated for my whole life till I realize i have to love everyone in the world.

This subject is getting interesting.
Ah... due to the repeatation, I used korean bad words today since long time ago.
Hm.

Han man Diary.

2010-03-07T01:04:00.007+11:00

It gets started to become eager to play drum once again.

havin not played drum for last 2 months, to see somebody playin drum drives me crazy.

It is not good that I feel like shackled into time. The frame irrelevant to myself that everyone is entrapped is expanding its dark hands over my freedom.

It's quite great feeling to be back to school, tho.
Although I encounter the situation I sit with someone much younger than me(I hope there's no generation gap), I finally acquired the gratification of being one of the most which I've longed for a long long time!

But this busyness of doing all the things i can afford to at the moment finally locked me in the calculative perspective to the time I have.

Ah... University. tertiary education is as precious, lonely and detestable as I never dreamt after my silly rough attitude towards schools washed off of me.

It's called further studying. but it's just first studying for me. The fact requires me to compensate the bygone time I wasted when I was in school.

Hm. Epitomizing article homework of knowing nature gives me nothing to know naturally.

Understanding society shakes my collar to urge me to say that I won't be able to.

Japanese, the one of the hateful subjects in my teenage, is once again popped up onto the surface to test my immune against heterogeneous abhorrence.

Principles of marketing feels like when i need to go to market to buy food.(which I have no idea how to do.)

nevertheless, the reason I can be thankful and grateful is that I know it's not me who's doing all these. The only duty I gotta do is just to do hard. That's it.

And then, the consequences, hence, are all acceptable, since I trust what he gives is good for me.

So, let's get ends of my lip wide to east and west.

Hanman Diary.

2010-02-08T08:02:00.003+11:00

It's been a long night.

just finished night duty and got home, waiting for washing machine to finish.

(So that I can wear the uniform again for afternoon shift.)

tmr, one of my dearest fellas is coming to melbourne.

He'll be with me. To pick him up from the airport, gotta get up early.

but today i finish work at 2315. And I have to sleep from now on.

Will I be able to get there by 0700??

it'd be better to send a txt to my friend, the driver, to come and wake me up.

I'm looking over how to start uni.

All are quite new and heaps of info smuggle into my tiny little brain in gigantic huge head.

esp. subjects are killing me.

What'd be good to do as breadth subject? So many and So cautious.

can't play drum anymore in Church.

instead i become a lead singer.

gotta pray more and more.

just paid house bills. became a begger.

wanna play soccer.

but cannot even play basketball.

won't miss this time on Sunday.

the movie, 'Hot Fuzz', is quite amazing.

bought it and watched it twice again!

Still quite cool.

let's sleep. can't even type a word now.

Love.

2010-01-30T00:17:00.005+11:00

love. what an impactive word it is.
It is what everyone dreams of, what needs to be special and what always makes ppl warm and smiling.
It brings you passion, longing, timidity and at the same time boldness.
Once it passed you by, it leaves irrevocable time waste, irreparable malfunction and irrecoverable scar on your heart and daily life.

Love. How boring it sounds.
Wherever you go, whenever you listen to music or everysingle seasonal day you get tired of hearing it.
It drives a nail of caring mind into your ears. It's a cliche you feel nothing of.
However, it sometimes is a charm and a deposit for payback. It is useful to justify yourself. It squeeze some hearts to get involved into your certain purpose.

Love. How unimaginably huge!
It siezes parents tightly and disarms their calculation. It operates reckless sympathy. It is never known by the recievers. And it is the most precious thing once the acquisitor realized. Impossible to repay and too humongous to perceive fully.

Love.
How much of love do I enjoy in my life?
How much am i able to measure?

Love.
How many kinds of love do you follow after in you life?

14Jan10 Hanman diary.

2010-01-15T23:48:00.002+11:00

Rented a car. gathered ppl. went to Sovereign hill, the gold mine.

due to the accesibility of all the information thru media and internet,

nothing was interesting much. Some are even disappointing.

This imaginary adornment is far expanded by the manipulative media.

Thank you media~!!! Thank you technology~! Thank you development!

Hanman Diary. 'some photos from 2009'

2010-01-10T01:07:00.002+11:00

[show yourselves!]

[unnoticably taken at circus]

[With Mr.English!!]

[with Trinity fellas and my bro]

[a we really at same age?]

[leaving Oakleigh..]

[come on, babe!]

[Wow! it's a snake!]

[dance with me on the beach, fellas!]

[feel like feelin someth'n]

when the Sun shines

2010-01-03T23:27:00.003+11:00

When the Sun shines
all creatures reveal their colors.
In fact, they just reflect the light coming from Sun.

When a man smiles
all the ppl around him has a several size of 'delight' impact.
in fact, they want to smile deep down in their heart and he triggers it of everyone.

Smile.

don't you wanna be the one who infect joyful virus to everyone?

be the one, my dear.

2010.

2010-01-01T15:31:00.003+11:00

It shouldn't be new year!!
Haven't achieved what I had planned to do within 2009.
So just can't let 2009 go away like this.

pile of things remains in red letters and timer has been recklessly stopped.
feel awkward to see this 4 digits changing.(not even all, just two of it.)

feeling like a loser to leave missions behind.
just regard it as one of the humongous failures.

All necessary is a couple of days more for catch up those leftovers.

But it won't happen I guess.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Brand New Start!'
It's another but never-same beginning.
from the plan to execution of it, all possibility is given.

However none of these conditions make up the success.
It's about the person as always.
What is being underestimated is that 'change(success) follows by effort'.
passive attitude won't gain the dream.
active and advancing manner with bothersome discomfort is essential key to the door of newness.

Reborn! Changed! New man!

That's you and me from now on!

Happy New Year!

Feel 'firm'!

2009-12-29T10:34:00.004+11:00

To live hard is always a virtue of the life in this time of world.

In Korea, there's a words saying 'study hard when you need to study and play hard when you have free time'.

it's just 'live every moment as hard as you can'.

There's no defect in this words, at least from the sound of it.

Action and reaction, pros and cons.

doing hard may take away the time to ponder the reason for it, doing hard.

What for?

Money, Friends, Marriage, being a good son/daughter, honour, own goal, benefit for others and so on.

All the Motivation and purpose set seems lack of the thought about reason.

Is your reason worthy to put your whole life?

Just curious. to you and to me too.

Hence, there must be more time to lay down, being lazy, sit back to find out what drives your life.

never doing hard is not what i am saying.
But what i am saying is to think harder for doing hard.

(With world famous Drummer, Jojo Mayer)

Hanman's Diary.

2009-12-06T22:11:00.002+11:00

farewell parade.

This is farewell season. those I start australian life with are leaving one by one.

For any reason, the fact of the seperation btwn us means alot to me.(Whoever it'd be.)

deep colour of solitude has been sketched under my skull. I always handle this cancering scareness via reflecting myself to those who're with me.

And now, one by one is leaving me and it reminds me of the times that I had to do a sole and heart-tearing surgery.

Ppl won't stop or prevent the process in me.

But they retarded it. And now they are leaving.

I'm afraid of another sugery that I have to make.

I'm scared of.

The scene with full of grey blood coming from my feeble heart.

Undisputed Identity.

2009-11-21T15:59:00.005+11:00

'I'm one of you' attitude.

One of the sliest way to sneak in.

But there's certain things that you can't disguise like gender, height, weight, ethnic group and so on.(some become possible these days, tho.)

Above all identities I have, there's one thing that is firm in me. 'Christian'.

It's really easy name tag to have, but never allowed to everyone who insists themselves as Christian.

Holy human. ppl on God's side other than on worldly side.

That's Christian and what I do here will be a different life.

Yeah. that's it. I'm unashamed of God, whom I believe.

I am not unashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes!(Roman 1:16)

Han'man Diary.

2009-11-21T01:23:00.005+11:00

It's bn a while since I wrote something here last time.

Sometimes exhausting daily life strangled me and kept me away from writing something,

and when sparkling thing happened, I felt just numb to move or write.

Nowadays I face the big deal that I've expected for 2 years.

To be able to continue studying till the end or to taste a bit and end it......

Either way is given, it will never change any thing in my mind.

But it's somehow not so delightful to go through the negative result which is most likely to be happen in respect of world's point of view.

Been sick for a while.

But I haven't had trouble with sickness since I was so busy thinking this in my head.

(Which is good in a respect, tho.)

I'd better wait for another hot day instead of sitting wishing the negative not happens.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyaaaaaaw!

Don't waste your life

2009-10-23T01:32:00.006+11:00

Don't waste your life by Lecrae(feat. Cam & Dwayne Tryumf)

[Hook: Cam]
Don't wanna waste my life

[Verse 1: LeCrae]
I know a lot of people out there scared they gone die
Couple of em thinking they'll be livin in the sky
But while I'm here livin man I gotta ask why, what am here fo I gotta figure out
Waste my life
No I gotta make it count
If Christ is real then what am I gonna do about
everything in Luke 12:15 down to 21
You really oughta go and check it out
Paul said if Christ ain't resurrect then we wasted our lives
Well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive
Everyday I'm living tryin show the world why
Christ is more than everything you'll ever try
Better than pretty women and sinning and living to get a minute of any women and men that you admire
Ain't no lie
We created for Him
Outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him
Jesus comes and raises for Him/
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser/
He made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess him/
Resurrects him/
So I know I got life
Matter of fact better man I know I got Christ
If you don't' see His ways in my days and nights
You can hit my brakes you can stop my lights/
Man I lost my rights
I lost my life
Forget the money cars and toss that ice
The cost is Christ
And they could never offer me anything on the planet that'll cost that price.
[Verse 2: Dwayne Tryumph]
Armed and dangerous
So the devil jus can't handle us
Christian youth them a stand wid us
Livin' n driven
Given a vision
Fullfillin the commission he handed us
London to Los Angeles
Da rap evangelist
Ma daddy wouldn't abandon us
"I gotta back pack fulla tracts plus I keep a Johnny Mac"
So are you ready to jam with us
So let's go, gimme the word an let's go
Persecution let's go
Tribulation let's go
Across the nation let's go
Procrastination bes go
Hung on the cross in the cold
Died for da young and the old
Can't say you never know
Heaven knows
How many souls are going to hell or to heaven so we gotta go in and get em
Whaaaaat!
[Verse 3: LeCrae]
Suffer
Yeah do it for Christ if you trying to figure what to do with your life
If you making money hope you doing it right because the money is Gods you better steward it right
Stay focused if you ain't got no ride
Your life ain't wrapped up in what you drive
The clothes you wear the job you work
The color your skin naw we Christian first
People living life for a job
Make a lil money start living for a car
Get em a house a wife kids and a dog
When they retire they living high on the hog
But guess what they didn't ever really live at all/
To live is Christ yeah that's Paul I recall/
To die is gain so for Christ we give it all
He's the treasure you'll never find in the mall.
See Your money your singleness marriage talent and time
They were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
That's why it's Christ in my rhymes
That's why it's Christ all the time
My whole world is built around him He's the life in my lines
I refused to waste my life
He's too true ta chase That ice
Heres my gifts and time cause I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he's truly raised to life
Then this news should change your life
And by his grace you can put your faith in place that rules your days and nights.

Dn

2009-10-23T01:32:00.000+11:00

Han man's Diary.

2009-09-29T19:16:00.004+10:00

I'm movin out.

Leaving this old beloved place, I just finished cleaning new house.
This house contract is verbal and under the personal contract without an agency.
Owing to that, I had to arrange up all by myself as a tenant.
The New place, which locates in Carnegie, is in Carnegie.

(What am I sayin?)
Anyway it means, I ain't need to worry abt train schedule after work any more.
But what I concern at the moment is that how I am gonna manage the ppl who moves in.
I ain't dare to worry the stuff. There's the one who got my back.

Hm. I've taken most of the furniture and stuffs out of the house and mop 'em up.
Thankfully, I could have a few fellas that helped me cordially so that I could ge things over within today. It's another help from the one who got my back.

What a day~!

Whole week is rainy but not today. It's quite amazing that the day I need clean weather most is bright breeze day. Thursday is the moving day and forecast says it'll be rainy. However, I ain't worry cuz there's the one who get my back.

Take all as it comes

2009-09-14T00:00:00.003+10:00

In a month, I'm moving out to a new land called 'Carnegie'.

Unexpected oportunity has been given without any effort.
It's all about the blessing on my attitude that 'take all as it comes'.

My monetary status just hit the utmost last week and it starts dwindling by the unanticipated needs that I could avoid if I've wanted.

For those expenses, I'm also 'take all as it comes'.

Take all as it comes. yeah. all the things. cuz all of it is under control of the one I'm meant to be in.

I've been asked to write a script for a play in Church.

'Take it as it comes'.

I'm about to finish it and already be thankful for all the words I could come up with.

I can't wait to see.

what precious memory the participant would make,
how exciting the atmosphere in the hall will be,
and, definitely last but not least,

that massage of it will be delivered to those who wanted to hear from the one that asked me to write it.

God. U are the only motivation that generates my passion.

Sittin on a random street.

2009-09-09T15:24:00.002+10:00

Wind blows like a lullaby
Whisper babbles peace goes by
Twilight beauty sets down, no more good bye
and says no one needs any alibi.

dense loneliness.

2009-09-04T23:34:00.002+10:00

What a reunion with Mr.Loneliness.

My life drives me of getting new and different.
so new and different that I may stray and feel so lonely.
It is all about this life that i keep my orientation without any influence of main stream.(or against main stream).

Its nature is apart from any form of compromise with sweety, worldly and sexy vague attraction.
And its vainness has been vaporized at meeting of the outer boundary of my firmness.
However ironically the steam from the crash paints a certain wall which depart me from the flow.

dark solitude like chocolate ball is gulped and generates a fierce partition called clear isolation.

Gimme dat by Ambassador

2009-08-29T19:33:00.003+10:00

This life is all about the decision between God and unGod.
Amid this confrontation, the right of the choice is given to us.

The way of facing worldly situations is how u react to God who wants u, not your high quality.
And on the other side, what u ask God for must be the closer relationship with him(the faith), not God's gifts for you.

A u really seeking for merely God?
A u ready to drive boldly thru this world without any worldly present given from God?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gimme dat Lyrics by Ambassador from Cross Movement

(AMBA!)
Gimme dat fire (fire)
Gimme dat flame (flame, flame)
Gimme dat (gimme dat)
Gimme dat (gimme dat)
Gimme dat (gimme dat)
Absolutely you can gimme dat
If it's mine (gimme dat)
It's good for me (gimme dat)
I want it all

Gimme dat bible
Gimme dat mic
I'll drop Jesus anyway so he can make a disciple
Can't surpass Christ there's no takin' his title
A passion for Christ I'll have you prayin' for revival
Gimma my city, yeah
Gimme dat, less fish
Gospel of peace, yeah
You can give me dat fresh kicks
Gimme dat
Vest with your blessin' Lord I'm desperate
You gave me your life
So I look forward to my exit
I used to be a punk-kid
Use to wanna run with
Dudes dat wanna hunt that
Turned our ones into hundreds
Used to run the blunt to be blunt
I wanted trees just to alter my mind
Now I find out more in Jesus

Used to run and roll mad deep with a street clique
Corner holdin' heat on the low like a secret
God's spirit penetrated my soul on a sneak tip
Took control now I'm in his floor like a leaflet

Gimme dat fire
Gimme dat flame
Gimme dat fresh wind
Gimme dat rain
Gimme dat freedom
You can have the chains
Gimme dat God you can gimme all things

Gimme dat fire, flame
Gimme dat fresh wind
Gimme dat rain
Gimme dat freedom
You can have the chains
Gimme dat God you can gimme all things

I know you got riches
I know you got ice
Your life is a big party
You're partyin' all night
You don't mind not knowin' Christ
In your mind dat's alright
You might not get this now
But you're kind of a Saul type

You keep with the trends
Cool's your middle name
On your pants you got a chain
That droops like Lil' Wayne
You're tattooed in a Benz
Maybe you're in a Range
Ladies, you drivin' crazy
Nothin crazier than your frame
(This is a shame)
It's the age and I'm game
To be an agent of change
In an age that's like a page in a flame
Just smoke, just mirrors, just vapor is plain
You see, a Holy God is not one of you favorite things
I was just like you,
But God moved on a fellow
Gave me good news
Dat I could use on the ghetto
Maybe it's you who wants to
U turn to settle
You're dead if you do
I'll tell you it's been settled

So you got platinum?
We got our Lord
If we want, we could ask him
But he's our reward
Gotta be perfect
It can't be three out of four
If you're sick of fallin' short
Then he's got a cure

Gimme dat cure, dat door, dat hero
Gimme dat grace dat never chased the dinero
How much glory should you give your boy? Zero
That would cause beef with the Lamb like a Gyro

Gimme dat day reaches you over shinin'
Truth over rhymin'
Virtue over diamonds
Gimme some change
Sometimes I do need the dough
Gimme some pain
Somethin' -- I do need to grow

Gimme what I won't ask for
Don't gimme what I seek
When i creep, I'm a sheep
Gimme your pasture
Gimme life
Just like you intended
It's like to see you raise like the day you ascended

Yeah, this is just to let cats know
Don't focus on what you can't have
Get all you can have
We call dat freedom
Dat's the joy of God
And his poeple
In his world
On his terms

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do u see what i'm getting at?

A Sociological Experimentation in O' Town.

2009-08-20T09:35:00.006+10:00

* Hypothesis : Money may implicates the satisfaction of life.

* Experimentation steps : 1. disguise as an social outcast.
2. earn money.
3. investigate the change of mind states over the income.
4. buy and intake a yoghurt.(HIGH PLAUSIBILITY)

*. Location : Oakleigh

*. Process : Simply lay out the experimenter and wait.

*. Duration : 5 mins.

*. Result

Financial balance : - 8 Ausi Dollars. (Cool Pad purchased for pain relief)

Outcome phenomenon : knee pain, back pain, self social disgrace,
psychological shame,scornful laugh by co-experimenters,
and physical fatigue.

Conclusion : 'O' Town' is stonecold!

Friend. Friendship.

2009-08-20T09:32:00.001+10:00

Yo, mate!

hey Bro!

Can u spare me a cigarette, ma friend?

In english(or its culture), it is so easy and light title to be a 'friend'.

Friend. 친구. 親舊. Korean word for Friend is based on Chinese word which means someone who has been known closely for a long time.

For me, friend is somebody whom i can share everything of mine, materials and emotion. But as time goes by, this world(I'd rather say pursuit of over-pleasant and self-centered convenience in life) encourages instant relationship.

Oldies but Goodies.

This dumbing down tendency, 'wonderful ego heaven' portrays unrealistic fantasies and make invisible worthy relationship worthless.And it drives someone like me to the loneliness recklessly.

Soaked in solitude, it can never be a genuine smile.

Answer me.

2009-07-30T13:17:00.003+10:00

Are you dreaming of your own?

Hanman's Diary.

2009-07-22T00:17:00.003+10:00

It was another ordinary day.

I had work in the afternoon from 1600 to 2100.
So I went to work.
And then, I came home.

I've got repaid 700 dollars which I loaned a while ago.
And I just paid 600 back on my account.
100 is for my tithe for what I earned last biweeks, for my metcard and for lunch with my friends tmr.

Since this flat life is not the one i'll continue till the end, I'm enjoying it much for my later rememberance.
God's super quenching strenghen my endurance and finally it'll be super endurance against my lifetime.

yeah, for sure.

But how come the train always delays when i'm running late?
I hope no more delay(inconvenience according to 'Connex') happens tmr morning.
Other than that, pretty fine. hahaha.

it's been 2 years!! Hm.. (when I was a teacher.)

The absolute right thing you believe.

2009-06-19T00:24:00.003+10:00

Justice. Righteousness. Faith.
Where do these firmly stand?
It's only happen where two or more possess some point of view in common.

Simply the way of thinking is the key to the not-wrong.

Therefore, all kinds of justice can't be immutable truth like God.

Because the glorious justice is in our head.

Human. too short for being perfect.

Who am I?

2009-06-09T07:57:00.002+10:00

See I'm the God that you don't know about.
I gave you breath up in your lungs that you can't go without.
See you know the facts of my story you been told about.
I'm always reaching out for you but you just keep on holding out.
I know your doubts, I know you're thinking that I ain't real.

See I know the way you feel I walked earth just like you.
and like a child up in his father's arms, I long to hide you.

Manytimes I invites you.
I stand here right beside you.
But you walk right past, you ignore my hands here given to guide you.
I gave you gifts I gave you talents that you just gain your wealth.
But you took my gifts and talents only for you, just to glorify yourself.
I was beaten and bruised, crushed now for your iniquity.
Stripped naked, I was spit upon just for you to live eternally.
Yet you blaspheme me, you make moves without asking me.
Then you blame me for your troubles and calamaties, you kidding me?

Keep me first keep me in your life, and it's gonna be alright.
See i'm Jesus Christ.

from '5th element' by KJ-52.

Hanman's diary.

2009-06-04T14:17:00.004+10:00

Nowadays it's so easy to see tons of tubes in a bathroom.
Such as toothpaste, cleansing form, beautiful-skin-making mask, wrinkle-stretching kinda creams and so forth.

Some houses have so many tubes that I became under an illusion of being in a cosmetic shop.

I'm not the kind of guy who is familiar with all those cosmetic world!
It might be due to my childhood's memory that I don't feel like having so many things in my bathroom.
One tube, toothpaste, is enough as long as I have a soap. Bathroom, where to simply clean myself.

Shampoo was always in a plastic container in my thought. However, one of my friends broke up my bathroom-truth recently. Shampoo in a tube!! I reckon it as a waste or useless. But the friend told me material is too new, expensive and good for the health so company produce them with a small tube so that they can adjust the price of demand.

But I couldn't help getting out of this idea. That stupid tube is too small! it'll be run out quite soon! Washing is the point in a bathroom, not nourishing!!! yeah. I'm sure!

To get to the point, today I went to bathroom to brush my teeth. I picked up my brush, squeezed a tube and started brushing.

it tasted weird. After a few moment, I realized that it was a cleansing form of my share mate!!!!

Dang!

I feel like having stomachache now. This stupid cosmetic development! What's going on with this world!!!

Loneliness.

2009-05-26T21:47:00.002+10:00

'Loneliness' embrace all kind of feeling that one alone has.

It is not always about opposite sex.
It is about friend, family, teacher, stranger, son and daughter and everybody.
It is about the wind blows at the nose, the home u heading back to after work, a thing u wanna have or keep with your best care or the place you've got your memories in.

It's about life. The way of trip we call 'life'.

Some would find this loneliness at the nearest and the lowest meaning.
They would say like they know all about loneliness in lifetime.
They would look for somebody who is able to tear off the loneliness from their body.

While, some others with cursed wisdom will be bored and sick of the approaches.
And they will find loneliness itself is the best accompanist in life.

But some bastard of those wise may wish to get away from the wisdom which keep him distinctive.

Wannabe Parade 7.

2009-05-11T18:38:00.002+10:00

Another 'Napoleon Dynamited'

2009-04-27T23:56:00.000+10:00

Wannabe Parade 6.

2009-04-27T11:21:00.005+10:00

Pure sheeps do not like a hunter!

Wannabe Parade 5.

2009-04-23T11:48:00.001+10:00

Wannabe desire never cares about location, time and environment!

Wannabe Parade 4.

2009-04-21T23:24:00.001+10:00

A Hunter with female jaguar.(feat. Jessica)

After reading some of the past by chance.

2009-04-19T01:48:00.007+10:00

There are so many kinds of presents.
There are so many kinds of letters.
There are so many kinds of way to give the feeling to one another.

Amongst all forms of a heartful gifts,
I value the heartful letters most.

Writing a letter is not a just simple thing.

By picking up a color of pen to write, one thinks the feeling he/she has.
By choosing a letter paper, one thinks about the kind of impression from 'the one'.
By starting a letter, one dreams how the counterpart would react with it.
As writing goes on, one carefully pours out what the emotion to be given.

Even after writing is done it's not even half way finished.

'To give or not. To give or not.'

This throb trembles one's decision to give or not.

At last, all after one makes up the decision, the precious sentiment in the envelope is handed over to 'THE ONE'.

One will wait for the reaction.
And The other will read it and read it again.

A letter includes all these sensitive expressions and it becomes a memory.

Also it is also another flavor to see
if the expection about reaction was right or not.
if the emotion was given well and correctly.
if the other understands how one has had in his/her heart.

Unfortunately as this IT world has been developed,
it is never easy to give and take a paper mail to one another and it gets no one ever cares about letter.

However, fortunately that's why it becomes rignt time to value a heartful letter more.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Han, Jong Won

17A Portman street,
Oakleigh
Victoria
Australia

Post Code : 3166

Wannabe parade 3.

2009-04-17T16:22:00.000+10:00

We Were Soldiers!!

wannabe parade 2

2009-04-17T16:14:00.005+10:00

Don't worry, babies. everything is under my control! (feat.Fiona, Jaesuk and Yeon)

Wannabe Parade 1.

2009-04-17T16:12:00.004+10:00

We were lookin at at UFO!

D. D. D.

2009-04-11T01:32:00.004+10:00

Draft Draws Dream.

Surrounding voice echoes it all the time in your space called 'world'.
It is so convincing that it feels like real.
Tremendous plan leads a fantastic result.

But, is it?

It is said because the possibility gets more when wonderful steps to follow are set up.

But it never works in one's blessed life.
What a man do is always what just a man do.
It never shows or signs anything abt further.
Then frustration is supposed to enbody him tight and shake him wide.
Loosened body trembles over the catharsis of the desire.
This traumatic tragedy soaks the shallow tiny string of hope.
Then by somehow or anyhow, this wonderful singleness fades away from him.
Finally all of it becomes experience that strengthen him in a way.

Practically this strength empowers the weakness.
Immunity against same sort of solitude that is caused by a certain type of thing, is thickened while cracked.

In a sentence, Cracked wall is hardened.

However,

All this is a single small part of his time.
And this bit of life differs the taste of his breath every time.

Doubt Dang Data.
and
Don't Damn Deficiency.

Because,
he now knows the ingredients of his life.

Daddy Decides Destination.

a part of my novel.

2009-04-08T04:08:00.004+10:00

So many thoughts come and go in this another-special night. As the sparkling eyes shine more in the night, it is not weird to go into the dark to glitter myself.

But this time it's not. I'm just idle and have fun. that's all.

This is a part of my novel that is being written at the moment.
I just wanted to translate to see my rusty english.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

갑작스레 길거리에 주저앉고는 빨래 속에서 펜과 수첩을 꺼냈다. 행여나 젖을까 옷들 속에 넣어두었던 수첩은 조금 눅눅하긴 했지만 젖어서 쓸 수 없을 정도는 아니었다. 또 언제나 그렇듯 물에 젖어 흐려지는 잉크 펜이 아닌 그래도 굳건히 흔적을 남기고 지나가는 볼펜이야말로 제이의 벗이었다. 급하게 주저앉은 제이는 수첩을 펴들고 펜을 만지작거리다가 고개를 푹 숙이고 손을 움직이기 시작했다.

Suddenly, he sat on the street and took out the pen and the note from a heap of laundry in his bag. The noteook he had put in the middle of clothes to prevent from getting wet, was luckily not wet much. It was dry enough to write on. And the pen. It is a cheap ball pen which is firmly writable most of the time unlike the other expensive ink pens that is spread when it gets wet and cannot be used on wet paper. He loved ball pen and it is not only because of the price. Dropping down abruptly on the road, J opened his notebook fumbling his pen and started moving his hand with drooping his head to the book.

Job searching is about to start.

2009-03-22T00:35:00.003+11:00

My visa type has been changed into Working Holiday Visa.
It's time to commence the project 'getting into University'.

This year will be tough and exhausting once again.
But it won't be so bothering to me cuz it is another new day for my hungry appetite for experience.
This instinct never fade away from my life regardless of my desire for common life.

PCA Certificate.
Personal Care Assistant becomes my brand new name of profession.
This work is full of caring and love.
And these things are the things that I'm about to learn more during this year.

Wow..
2009! I need more prayers since i feel i'm getting exhausted.

cheer for me will be welcomed.

Deal with heart!

2009-03-10T18:41:00.005+11:00

Ppl communicate each other everyday.

All kinds of emotion is cross-transferred. But it is scarcely successful to be given and taken exactly according to the start.

Seeable worth like possession such as MONEY, friends, car and so on is becoming the worth the world gives respect to.

And in that world, acknowlodging another's feeling is so simple.

'that's too bad.'
'hm. great!'

Just simple words that never understand the feeling of someone's burning in their heart.

For the better communication, it's time to hear to another's heart.

Empathy!
It will be great when you are felt fully sumpathetically by someone.
So,
it will be great when you feel fully sympathetic to someone.

Wiping tears can never stop the running tears.

It's time to know the importance of the way to listen.

busy busy busy.

2009-03-09T11:24:00.008+11:00

I'm in Korea at the moment.

since I got here on 17th Feb, I've never had a free night without any appointment.

Hew..... I've met some ppl and I could rewind the time and have a glimpse on my past thru them.

what a nice imaginary resource friends are!

Every single day was good and great. (exhausting, though.)

And now, I'm wondering how my non-Korean friends've remembered me.

For fun!! For Fun!

2009-02-27T11:55:00.002+11:00

I've applied for a lucky jackpot!

http://www.islandreefjob.com/#/applicants/watch/BjCREn3tWy8

This job ain't looking like mine, but I just applied for fun.

the progress I've gone on was fun and like a lottery, it's fun to dream it.

It looks obvious that I was so in hurry during making this video.
hahaha..

Whatever.... I had fun and that's all I wanted!

Beachaholic!

2009-02-07T22:55:00.005+11:00

I'm obsessed by beach!

Thesedays I've been at beach area quite often.
Although, I haven't taken many photos to prove it, I think I've been at several different places around 12 times in January only!

Don't know why. I just liked to talk to the sea and that was the biginning.
And then I had some people asked me to go together one by one and finally one of my friends became a black man. He's as dark as Chocolete now. ain't it good?

Melb is now hottest since 1908.
But it's quite windy every where.

Wind blows and makes wave. Wave comes to beach as if it wants to gobble up every single swimmer. I struggle with its effort and sea and I are having tough fun.

Tough fun. The joy of this life that I've been amuzed with.

The problem is,
this kind of fun is salty at the beach but it never taste like that simple in real life.

Happy new year!!

2009-01-26T17:45:00.001+11:00

Happy new year to those who celerbrate Korean(Chinese) new year on today!

I pray that 2009 will be a given chance for your further step!

The thing most of the people longed for from me.

2009-01-14T23:44:00.008+11:00

(I'll show you my positive and daily writing!! Thx for concern about me!!)

I had a hair cut.

A hair cut which implies so many things to me has been done recently.
It was a failure (as hair dresser and myself said). However, after a small part has been changed, it becomes a sensation amongst my friends.

My hair dresser friend became very famous and she's having difficulties over so many requests.
Everyone who saw me says to her like

'He looks handsome now!'.
'Do that magic to me! Now he looks like his age!!'.
'There's a new guy in church and he looks nice!'.
'i saw Han'man and he becomes a human!!!'.

.... Do i have to feel happy?

I don't know. But as time goes by, people call me and want to meet me. Hm..

'Appearance is changable and the important thing is content of someone.'
That's what I believe.

But somehow these days I'm showered in a compliment that i'm handsome and it feels not so bad. hahahaha.
What a day and what a life!

Someone took this photo and I don't really like it. But for some of you who might want to know how i look like now, this is my new hair.

How do you think?

Happy New Year!

2009-01-03T01:31:00.009+11:00

It's been a good year in 2008 (at least I could taste some fiesta.)

Here comes new one which means to me that returning to face a wonderful sharp pikes aiming at me. But this time, I have a tiny but important satisfaction in my chest pocket. Its heat will keep me warmer than before.

Homework has been given. it's bigger and more essential than whatever I've had in 2008. And its start is ,so far, not so clear to see yet. But life is life and this is my life. I'll bear it with joyfulness.

Happy new year to the ppl that read this. Whatever 2009 would bring to you is a bearable fruit for you and I know that you'll be able to be in possession of your own happiness.

dark skin.

2008-12-30T01:37:00.003+11:00

Dark skin has two kinds.

1.> a kind of dark skin that tanned with someone's will.

Beach. Tanning machine. Sports. oil. medicine.

sleek, glossy, attractive, silky and charming.

2.> the other kind of dark skin that is far from one's desire.

Parents. construction area. dusty tool. shine through.

crumbly, lusterless, dry, variegated, wrinkly and somber.

Colours may look same.

But. are they same? How do you think?

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T13:14:00.001+11:00

Happy Birthday to Jesus!!!!

Celerbration!!!

I pray for you celerbrating Jesus's birthday~!!

Have a happy Christmas!!

My bloger! -Nori Bugyinszki-

2008-12-24T03:07:00.002+11:00

Nori Bugyinszki.

She is from Hungary. She's a blessed daughter of God. I think she wouldn't know that she encourages me a lot when I feel down. English is always troublesome for communication btwn her and me. I told her that i'll learn Hungarian, but now it seems her Korean is far better. Her e-mail in my mail box is always starts with Szia Hani~!!!. haha. hm..

I'm so sorry for that I haven't been in Korea last summer. And I feel bad about me losing Magyarorszag language since I left Magyar. But I'm sure we'll meet again cuz God is right there looking down us. Thx for your prayer all the time and I'm still looking forward to listening to your drumming!!! Nori~! thx for cheering me up all the time~!

God Bless U!!!!

My bloger! - Ethel Chan-

2008-12-24T03:06:00.002+11:00

whoever comes here(even once), tell me here or send me a photo of you thru e-mail.

hahaha.. just to keep and see who are here and i'll post them!

thx.. hahaha. (or leave a comment so that i can see who you are. I'll post it.)

Actually, all of sudden, I just felt that this blog need to be a bit playful like others'.
(and nothing to do..... for this whole month..)

anyway, i'll be looking forward to you!

.
.
.

Ethel Chan.

That's her. No description is needed other than that photo. It is quite sure that Melbourne is not the reason why she has been high throughout this year. She's hyperactive. That's all I can say.

Thx Ethel for this year, especially for your E&D folder. Your way of saying 'hi' to me(waving hands AND legs) was impressive enough to remember you. I don't think i'll see it next year, but i hope i see it in 2010. haha.

God Bless U.

My bloger! - Fiona Ip-

2008-12-24T03:05:00.002+11:00

Fiona Ip. Ms.Mouth. haha.

She's laughing. She suits laughing. She and I could get close during the last exam. She has cared about me quite much. Even though I didn't say anything about it, but i was feeling it.

I found a better pic! haha. I felt somehow that I distracted your focus on last exams. Sorry for that. haha. But remember to keep yourself up for everything! You are grown up! haha.

God Bless U.

My bloger! - Tan Yan Jun-

2008-12-24T03:03:00.001+11:00

Tan Yan Jun a.k.a. 'June'.

My City Motel owner. Even though she haven't worn any skirt for this year, she is one of the most girlish girl. I haven't told her this yet but she's quite caring GIRL. haha.(I mean it.)

You know what? If you go Clayton next year, Oakleigh is really good place to stay! Haha. Then we can be neighborhood! I'll look forward to meet you again here next year! Thx for everything this year and Thx again!

God is with you!

My bloger! - Jasmine Law-

2008-12-24T03:01:00.004+11:00

Jasmine Law (I don't know why but this blog keeps erasing photos and i don't think it's good for me to keep changing DBSK's photo. haha.)

I couldn't have much time to talk to her. But I remember that she was so excitied when I come up with K-pop stars.

Thx for visiting my blog!! I hope that you are enjoying this poor one! So are you coming back to Melbourne next year? haha. I wish you learn and get influenced from only good things in Korean stuff!! haha. .there're so many things bad. Have good time during the holiday.!!

God Bless U!

A Passive Pessimistic Poor.

2008-12-22T03:10:00.007+11:00

Perhaps the encompassment of a transparent wall is only seen by me.
or I'm the only one who feels it and knows how cold its surface is.

I don't know. Have no idea.

Maybe I've always been waiting for the one who can break into it.
Probably it has been me who building the wall tight and hard, while shouting out to get someone rending it.
Definitely irritation has been originated from me.

This locked-up mind finally gets me finding an outstretching distance btwn you and me.
And once again, the shackle of my waist is fastened and it warned me to look over the wall surrounding me.

But I've saved my smile and appreciation more and more as I've built this wall solider and firmer.

Nevertheless, I'm smothered by the rotten of this beautiful thank in me that I've especially taken care of for the one.

I'd be able to say that I regret that the shame i made to those hands you reached out to me.

However, I'm the 'Han'man'.
It'll be me. It'll be me suffering from the shackle on my waist and the tightness of breathing that I made for myself.

I'll be suffering all the time from the thing I made, called 'isolation'.

The Hardway by KJ52

2008-12-16T04:03:00.003+11:00

Some people gotta learn the hard way
I guess I'm the kinda guy who has to find out for myself
I had to learn the hardway Father
I'm on my knees and I'm crying for Your help

The warning signs like falres in the night
I proceed with my greed indeed but now in spite
of the fire I knows to burn I never learn
as the world turns on its axis I'm like Saul
on the road to Damascus I'm like broken fragments
of broken glasses can't see the facts is
from the fiction God's voice now speaking
but i never listened got me wishing I never
took the hard way 'cause every day is a hard day
turn my heart away God be feeling like
He's far away Jesus take the scars away
'cause life be mad hard today
trying hard not to sway
selfish way finally catching up to me
but if I fall you's catching me
I know You's catching me

Some people gotta learn the hard way
I guess I'm the kinda guy who has to find out for myself
I had to learn the hardway Father
I'm on my knees and I'm crying for Your help

Been high and low but the stories told
my eyes can show that I walked the hard ways road
when it's my time to go I'll stand toe to toe
to one who grips my soul whose never letting go
life's so cold but so many times
I shed so many tears from so many eyes spoke so many
lies
I was the maker of my own demise
my own face I couldn't recognize woke up one day
and realized my compromised lifestyle
since the birth canal to a juvenile yo this kid was wild
sometimes it hurts to smile but Jesus made it worth my while
keeping it versatilelike I was writing in Spanish backwards
in a cursive style so meanwhile to the mean time
I leave the blind to lead the blind
so with every step I climb
leave the past way far behind out of sight and out of mind

Dwindling myself grabs me tight with confidence.

2008-12-12T00:13:00.003+11:00

I've got a thankful fruit from this year's effort.

For this second chance,
I set a goal of 100% attendence in school and fulfiled it.
I've got enough score to be called 'successful'.

I had been confident at the first time and I broke my heart with my own chisel and hammer.

As time goes by, everything looked so far from me.

So, I diminished myself in me.
I had known that I am nothing but a mere defect.
So I gave up myself and let him be the one to decide my way.
And with the joy sharing with him, I came down here.

I checked how far i can do over the given opportunity and it was successful.
I could get compensation paid of what i'd thought i lost.

That's all. That's all i wanted.
Even though I cannot go on this splendid, desired and blessed torture(competing with english speakers...), I am already happy enough and satisfied.

If I were given a bad result, I would be happy for having this opportunity I desired for a while.
So, how can i be unhappy with the fact that I got a successful result from it? Haha.

Nothing has been confirmed yet. What I see is never be the one coming later.
whether it'll be Mining or working in a farm, it's time to be ready to make another thankful fruit.

On a shallow ice at around summer.

2008-12-08T14:19:00.003+11:00

Yesterday I got a confirmation that I cannot get financial suppliment from Bank and my father.

It seemed obvious but that i heard it verbally concludes a not quite happy smiling.
As I have done, I have to bear another bitterness in my chest over the selfish hope.
I think I can do it, I've prepared this moment for whole year and tried so hard to keep myself away from the far-away-dream that i am normal enough to stand in a crowd.

And I heard that my grandmother discovered cancer growing in her.
She got sentenced a short period of her life and when i listened to it, i remembered her voice calling me 'oh my puppy'.

Every single time she has shown her love for me is big.
Everytime she asked me to come to her house, I was busy for nothiing, doing for nothing and with no one more than her.

the messy life I have believed and lived in have had me in it and took the most precious things from me, the people who loved me.

With it, i'm at the zero point again. I'm at the mouth of 'brand new beginning beyond leaving everything i had'.
Although this confrontation is not so burdening as it used to be due to my soul leader, but as a weak human it seems true that i cannot get used to it.

This tag of my life 'lifegoesontheloninesstoo' seems a stigma on my heart that never heals up forever.

Farewell. End to And.

2008-12-07T01:40:00.003+11:00

The strange year has been finished. Leaving where I am fit, I started this new (returning back) and exotic year in school. It was a good time. Not only because I had a memoriable year, but also I tasted student again. I could be beside the teenagers and felt so. It felt like it was a compensation of my bottom life lasted 6 years.

And everything has first finished, I had to say adieu to the chances of meeting ppl in a safely guarded frame, school.

Most of people left or are about to leave for their own countries. For a spare time to recollect the pieces of their own traces in Melbourne, for recharging their exhausted energy from the energetic support or encouragement about their support, these cuties went back to their people, their friends and their home.

Everyone has been given different things. To adjust themselves into a same picture, all of them struggle with the differences from normality. In fact, there is none such a 'normal' or 'usual'. Wherever they believe that they have something that is seen from others, they just assume and estimate this commonness.

whatsoever, i'm given this 'my situation' that everyone calls 'abnormal'. And I, too, strive to be fit in what i think 'normal'. And that concluded and brought a 'my type of farewell'.

Will you miss me? Wouldn't you want to see me again? Will you remember this time we spent?

My answer has been always same.
(direct translation from my Korean answer.)

Whenever you miss me, i'll miss you.
when you miss me, you'll know how i miss you.

It doesn't sound nice enough like 'Sure, I'll miss you!! I'll never forget this moment we had'.
I know that. I know. But that's the only thing that i can say.
That's the only thing i can say.

to manage myself. to keep myself. to protect myself. myself who is weaker than anyone.

At the zero point again.(from my cyworld homepage.)

2008-12-04T01:31:00.007+11:00

whenever I thought i'm ready to run, i realize that i'm at the zero point again.

whenever I lifted something a little above, I realize that it is laid on zero point again.

Whenever I accumulated things little by little and felt it'd be enough for me, then I realize there's nothing in my hands.

Whenever I made a great number of my ppl and satisfied, I realize that i've got nobody near me.

Whenever I agreed that i know more than ever, I realize that i'm the most foolish than any other.

When I finished something, I realize that i'm facing new zero point.

Zero point. Whatever i do, it never fade away from me.

Every way i choose, the end of the way shows me the same zone...'Zero point.'

after facing a large number of zero points, Now i realize the reason why i got stuck in zero point.

because it's all done by 'I'. because 'I did', there was no change at all.

I'm nothing.. I can't do anything.. So at the moment I'm facing again the zero point, I just wanna give up myself. I surrender all who i am.

I won't do by my name.

Can you hear me, my Lord?

I will not do anything by and for me.

I lay down everything I have here,

take these and take my will..

please, please take a look here, here's a stray sheep wanna come to you.

lead me and use me.

I long to be absorbed in your love.

just put my life in your glorious name.

I know you listen to me now..

I can't even say the word by myself.

So just make me say I dare love you, Lord..

make me dare....

------------------------------------------------------------

[Song] 'Cant Live a Day' by 'Avalon'

I could live life alone
And never fill the longings of my heart
The healing warmth of someone`s arms
And I could live without dreams
And never know the thrill of what could be
With every star so far and out of reach
I could live without many things
And I could carry on, but
I couldn`t face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can`t live a day without You
Lord, there`s no night and there`s no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You`re the heartbeat of all I do
I can`t live a day without You
Oh, I could travel the world
See all the wonders beautiful and new
They`d only make me think of You
And I could have all life offers
Riches that were far beyond compare
To grant my every wish without a care
Oh I could do anything, oh yes
But if You weren`t in it at all
I couldn`t face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can`t live a day without You
Lord, there`s no night and there`s no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You`re the heartbeat of all I do
I can`t live a day without You
Oh Jesus, I live because You live
You`re like the air I breathe
Oh, Jesus, oh, I have because You give
You`re everything to me
I couldn`t face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can`t live a day without You
Lord, there`s no night and there`s no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You`re the heartbeat of all I do
I can`t live a day without You

A scribble during a M&C lecture

2008-11-30T04:43:00.003+11:00

Speculation does not belongs to everyone. As the instructive education has been given to the most of people, grabbing unique idea and perspective with dumpng the habit of acceptance is never to be easily available. Because they are already instilled.
Perhaps I am one of 'they'. Brand new and view from outside, objective critical thinking is needed. No prejudice from the self-inserted idea loses its attractiveness, although I am more attracted to that 'no one caring' attitude, the atypical point of view.

15AUG08 in M&C lecture.

So, is that dumb?

2008-11-27T15:23:00.003+11:00

You never know what's in someone's head, even though he/she really looks dumb.

It is like the smile of Clown.
His sadness is never to be revealed but only remains in he heart alone.

distance.

2008-11-23T22:28:00.008+11:00

I don't have people around me right now.
But I do have so many people who care of me.

At here my hideout in Oakleigh,
at about to finish this year's studying chance,
I'm dreaming back.

My brother left for korea this morning.
My friend confesses me the suffering of loneliness.
most of the people i know in this island are about to leave back to their country sooner and later.
Even my house mates are leaving here soon.

This is not a kinda grumbling or a seasonal feeling.
And the reason why i'm so familiar with this solitude is so obvious in my heart.

For fulfiling the request of the flowering happy writing on the blog,
I'm looking back and remembering the people that loved me.

The prayers and concerns. The Letters and e-mails. The calls and regards.

These are never leaving me.
Even though I'm psycally all alone now having distance with you, it doesn't matter.
For relationship, distance is out of the fomular.

(One X One)Alpha = Relationship.

Alpha is the correlation rate of caring of each other.

Hm.. somehow it's childish, but it works.
Hahahaha.. just for fun.

-. Distance never apart you and your non-worldly lover.

What a life~!(assignment required to read.)

2008-11-20T23:34:00.006+11:00

Hm.... To testify that my thought is not always negative.

I wanna write this with this immediate rudeness.
Empty can of thought may drive me quite weird.
But thru it, I might be able to jot down things that I can simply come up with.

(Pic. 1. Asian begger on the wall in Oakleigh, Victoria.)

-. Happy, wonderful and shiny day like today is always choking me with an idleness of comfort like HOI-stic pressure.

-. Certain type of dream allows me sobriery in it.

-. Imaginable future i cannot help but agreeing its big distance from me uses its fingers onto my face and design a suitable smile.

-. A strand of my desire is unbreakable by the hand of the Omnipotence and it tastes too free to be under the low ceiling.

-. grumble which is supposed to be an influence never touches the cool with no-dilemma.

(pic 2. riding horse, drifting to left.)

-. I'm now well experienced university library user!! So intellegent!

-. Somehow the steps i got to take looks so trivial!

-. the mindful 'keep in touch's were penetrated my heart and I won't let it through beyond the pond of forgetfulness.

-. hm.... happy 5 hours-lasted nap filled me with further developed desire of sleeping~!

-. My belly strive for the oneness and each muscle contribute to its one globalization to be looked as a wealthy.

Anyway, find just one of your enjoyments of the day from now on~!!!
(it's homework for those who read it and let's share yours by pressing the comments button below~!)

The reality of power!

2008-11-17T23:10:00.004+11:00

Money is a worthless necessity.

The things I don't deserve.

2008-11-16T01:15:00.003+11:00

15 Nov 08 today.

It's the most D-day during a year.

Today(the day above) is the day I could have so much things that I don't deserve.

I thank God for making me having this day which i don't deserve.
I thank all the friends for that giving me concern which I don't deserve.

all the msgs, prayers, phone calls, gifts, surprise party, txt msgs, letters(!!), and unknown glimps of thinking me relating this day. big or small, pricy or not, mindful or tirivial or blessing or cursing. Whatever this day I had was not worth me.

Cuz I know
how I haven't taken care of the people so much,
how I haven't loved the others as I was supposed to be,
how I have turned down the others' hands reaching me,
and I have felt the space in me was to bulk to be hidden,

I just don't deserve this day.

All the blessings and smiles I could have this day simply reminds me of praying more for the others.

whether it's deemed as religous or not, the biggest thing i can do for the people God sent to me as a lovethrough, is prayer.

I won't give up this day.
Cuz this day is the day i could have a material to happily remember in the future.

this hollow is still but i couldn't feel it for the day.

Thx God for showing me these loves through these beloved people.
and thx for the beloved.

Drip and Drop.

2008-11-13T01:17:00.005+11:00

during the daily life, this cog never speaks of something impertient that everyone might do.
As a trivial role in this play called world, his part was always putting empathy to others.
To the people who were down, he cordially brought himself down to the bottom and tried to feel and share the agony in them.

He created laugh when there was laugh, poured out the sorrow where there was sadness and cheered up whom the depression conquered. He's been always regarded as a weak and dumb. But he believed that he could make a lot of his own. He trusted that he could fill the broken jar with water... till the event happened.

In this messy and busy world, one day he found a drip of something twinking. It had splendid brightness and looked so confident. He drew his hands together and took a drop of it. He was so happy that he could find this precious sight. It seemed no one ever touched it or quite a long ago some might touch it. He was so glorious. He put his hand onto his chest. It was infiltrated. He was about to move on. But he luckily saw one more drop is about to come.
He was so nervous. He couldn't help but wanting to share this exciting with someone. So he turned his head around.

There's none breathing with him.

There's none breathing with him, even though every one there was breathing.
The silence of none breathing overflowed into his ears loud and he had to let the shivering in him out through his eyes.

He did want it. but his eyes couldn't hold and finally dropped it. It, the delightful and happy 'it', fell down to the ground and smashed to pieces. It also broke up his heart.

He couldn't tolerate it. He, once again, graped a drip of it and moistured his chest. he could smile again. his heart was in need of someone to share it again. And he found there was none of breathing with him.

His 'it' left his eyes again. And he's receiving a drip of it again.

He will never leave where he's now. His reluctance craves for someone not busy in this all-engaged world. But he has one thing that makes him cannot stand with.

'There's none of breathing with him.'

in the mid of the world becoming transparent.

2008-11-04T02:55:00.004+11:00

27Oct08 1406 @M&C Lec.

Transparent world.

There's no place to blame on the world's transparency. Beauty, and zest of a human is no longer able to be hidden as they used to be. Deepness is gone as no inwardness exists.
What you see is what it is. Expression is the only tool.
Holding is a dumb thing.
'Inside' becomes inside only then when it becomes outside.

Externalism has settled in.
It's time for invisible preciousness to be visible or it is not a valuable anymore.
Internal attractiveness is nothing.
The flavor of deliberation becomes tastless.

this era urges people to be transparent.
To get an ecstacy instantly.
To help judge things quicker.
To make everythings faster.
and
To eliminate the fruitful blossoming of charming perseverance that keeps inward beauty being grown up.

Dance, Singing, looking, visible joyness and whatsoever...

they already replace 'kindness, pureness, fidelity, patience', the inner virtues.
these genuine oldies are spit out.
those olies we are enjoying is only the exterior of them without kernels.

How poor the people who still follow the inward are.

Do you remember yesterday?

2008-10-12T23:21:00.004+11:00

Do you remember yesterday?

were there stars in the night sky yesterday?

How much clouds were there yesterday?

What made you smiling yesterday?
Which way the wind blows yesterday?
Who did want you to look back yesterday?
When did you feel hungry most yesterday?
Why don't you remember some of those above about yesterday?

Yesterday was one of the days you have had.
But yesterday had not been met you before and you won't have the 'yesterday' again till the end.

There might be so many yesterdays.
But the yesterday you've been thru was just one particular yesterday.

No one had same day as exactly you had.

That means, U lived yesterday and everything was right there only for you yesterday.

For the everything that had settled for you, let me ask you just one question.

Do you remember yesterday?

...... yesterday that was designed only for you?

In fact, it's not that valuable.

2008-10-11T20:07:00.004+11:00

Inevitable sacrifice.

The idea current human beings consider as the best is actually just a piece of source for the later human beings. Although it doesn't mean that the every right thing in the past is not totally wrong, if it is considered as not suitable for present, then it is just wrong.

Absolute truth. It is a non-sense but it is worthy. Because the belief in it can only give people an excuse and so that people can believe and say positively 'We are closing to the truth and the justice. We are developing'.

Truth we have is not the truth. It's just a belief that we have truth.

That is, it's merely a poor justification of this present time.

(from my note at 1100 on 16Apr08, Wed)

It's not easy to restart something that was almost forgotten.

2008-10-04T18:13:00.006+10:00

People dream.
some walk, run, or rush towards it and some stop and be still. Some step back from it farther and father and some give up.

This world tells a plausible story as it is a hidden secret.

'Chase after the dream till the end.'

I don't agree with that sly and tasteless quotation, but i have my dream too.

Unlike the others, this dream never urge me but sometimes chokes me nearly to the death.

it changes its form all the time and occasionally it converts itself into totally opposite one from the previous one.

Anyway, that is my dream. I never chase after it or try to grab it. I just accompany it during this long journey, called life.

On that view, I have a companion who's always staying with me and his name is 'sensitivity'.
Whenever, whatever, wherever if i want these buddies, he allows me to cooperate on something. Although his appearance is always different, he's most of the time near me.

Once we hung out together at a river side, windy day without doing anything, but writing. We, as usually, came up with one story and started writing down.

for a few days, he begged me to continue it, but i refused it cuz i felt lazy to do it.

That's quite long ago. And we were busy been dong something else.
I accidently found that piece of paper, the memory from that river side, and asked him to restart it.

But he denies to do it.
How hard I try it, he never show his mind.
And then i can't go on.

Cuz it was not mine, but ours.

During the last a week, when i stayed home and did nohing, I couldn't even turn his mind to hang out with me doing the thing. And we've played with something else.

Right now, I really feel sorry missing the story, a bit hate his provoking timid mind, and really regret my carelessness to him.

'Water under the bridge.'

NO SPORTS for 3 MONTH!!

2008-10-01T20:24:00.005+10:00

My right posterior thigh brought me to the hospital today.
The pain was getting severe and i could barely move.
(I shouldn't have run yesterday night.)

So I went to Monash Hospital and got an interview.
It is not hamstring strain. It is some blood collection and torn muscle.

Since 2 weeks ago exercising sports for straight 10 days results in severe muscle torn.
Especially last week wednesday, I played socer with some ppl and from the beginning I felt pain.
But my heart was burning(?) for soccer.
I just wanted to play more, so I ignored its seriousness went on..
And now, I have a pair of crutches on my both side when i walk.

Ah... What should I do!! I have revenge soccer league from next week~!

I can't play. It ain't good.
I tried to convince the doctor how much i wanna play for the league.
But Doctor affirmed that if I play a sports within 3 months, the wound will be permanent and you'll limp for your whole life..

Hm...

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. (Luke 22:42)

To feel sympathy for the ones who ain't got a purpose of life.

2008-09-27T10:46:00.003+10:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rXzXDUamCQ

It's a song, named 'Dear Slim pt.2' by KJ 52.

He's a christian rapper and this song is dedicated to Eminem who is so into cursing others.

To feel sympathy for the others, to long to share the real happiness to the ppl who doen't know about it, and to tolerate all the misguided blaming and threatenings, are the duties what christians has to do.

Something hot is forming inside of me.
and I pray God for Eminem and the ppl like him not knowing the real life.

'a life with out Christ is still a life that is never fixed'

Choice.(Hamstring strain)

2008-09-24T17:23:00.003+10:00

I was dying for playing soccer.
and I finally could play a game but from right before the game begins, my right back thigh started pain me like it was stretched out over the maximum.

I could not enjoy the time and ruined my players' morale.

I wanted to play. I felt like it'd be okay after a while.
I kept playing. I denied the need of rest that my body claimed.

keep playin!! That was my choice. and the pain got worse and worse.
It was yesterday.

Today I reluctantly went to the city to do somethings.
I barely walked. I was walking like an handicapped.
And I am home now. My leg stimulates and pains me quite strongly.

This short story gives an moral which can be applied to everything.

When you choose (to do) something, there's always outcome from it and you have to be responsible for that.

Choice is one of the most blessing and scariest thing amongst all the taken for granted.

To flavor your tasteless life with laughing.

2008-09-20T21:48:00.007+10:00

Just to make the visitors feel refreshed,

I sacrificed. (feat. Keung from HK.)

We were human beings b4 we found out the function of the laptop camera.

My angular part to be trimmed.

2008-09-20T02:35:00.003+10:00

A tall tree catches much wind.(It doesn't sound like the proverb I wanted to use...)

Hm.. I mean, to be a circle, the angular parts should be trimmed.

For the state of me blessing whoever treat me in anyway,
For the true smiling of me whatever happens to me,

It is mandatory to lay down my arrogant thought.
It is a must to have a wisdom which open the sight of the narrow way.

To be Han man, the one whenever remains in any heart,

this reckless and lonely race will last on and on and on.

Burst out what I had to do.

2008-09-14T02:18:00.002+10:00

When the load of life burdens on my shoulder, it means i was lazy enough to stack the pile of toil.

amazingly stink scent of the turmoil goes on into my olfactory sense which urge me to dispose as i reluctantly do.

Already this chronical idleness encroach on me and agitate me as it has no space to heap up.

It is this short break from being somewhere between dowsiness and overwhelming amount of tasks, like now, when I unfortunately have speculation of myself.

Hahahahahahahaha...

I'd better smile this time. Because I have far more to go for fulfill this word count of essay and my eagerness of own purpose.

Wind blows slyly thru my open window as it's whisper of abandonment.
hehe....

Give thanks.

2008-08-26T01:38:00.003+10:00

Give thanks to the grateful heart.
Give thanks to the holy one.
Give thanks because he's given Jesus Christ, the son.

Give thanks to the grateful heart.
Give thanks to the holy one.
Give thanks because he's given Jesus Christ, the son.

And now let the weak say i am strong
Let the poor say i'm rich
Because it's what the lord has done for us.

Give Thanks.

-----------------------------------------------------------

It's Han'man a.k.a. 'J'.

Sometimes I feel like going back.
I just want to be me in the past, whom the people look up to.
just wanna show the things I have and let the others feel jealous.
That was really good in vain though.

To humble myself is never easy to do when you are in the middle of people who wanna be respected.

I had had no idea about humbleness and he simply made me lowered. He took some of the things I was proud of to tell me how much I had had.

Ever since I realized the reason why he lowered me,
I've been gratefully lifted and have felt thankful to God for having degraded me.

I have a worthy thing that cannot compare to the things that i lost.

And as a humble man, I can only give thanks to you, Lord.

Whatever this way goes to, I'll be happy for you having me guided.

I give thanks, Abba, my God.

Knowledge and wisdom.

2008-08-23T21:54:00.000+10:00

Knowledge is not the measures. It's wisdom.

at the re-biginning of novel.

2008-07-31T00:01:00.002+10:00

An abandoned story,
utilizing the shimmering mementos,
categorizing delightful inccidents,
overcoming sorrow of knowing losing real notes,
and throwing out loneliness coming from thorough isolation in the past.

It's time. It's time to get lost in.

walking alone on a sole journey.

2008-07-20T13:40:00.005+10:00

Don't know where it goes,
but it seems it's the only one i can go along.

I walk alone as others do.

It's not a big deal.

The only difference i have than otherss is that I just know I walk ALONE.

* 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by 'Green day'

For What?

2008-07-01T03:43:00.008+10:00

There's one simple and easy phrase we all the time use and got used to hear.

'Do your best!'

And without any doubt, we just feel motivated or hastened and try things harder.

That phrase always works for something toward 'ACHIVEMENT'. And strangely no one ever ask oneself this question.

'For what?'

From somewhere, we started being able to do reasoning on our own behaviors like when we are teenagers and study hard for better Uni or something, we have often used that phrase to each other and heard it from our surroundings.

-. Do your best on studying.
'For what?'

What would be asuming answer of ours?

-. to get better grade or marks.
'For what?'
-. to avoid dad's or mom's blame.
-. to go to better Uni like Melbourne Uni.(haha.)
'For what?'
-. to get a good job.
-. to study what i wanna know about.
'For what?'
-. to make more money.
-. to compensate my parent's hardship in their life.

.
.
.

'For what?' can go on and on and on. and as the number of this question being asked, ur reasoning is getting accumulated. and finally, it ends to somethere you gotta think about what your life is all about.

Happiness, Self-actualization, satisfaction, compensation, honour, or etc.

Then it goes a bit to the philosophy.

What is 'your last answer' for?

your answer relates to the death and the meaning of your life.
Wherever u went with those questions to, there's no other ends but death.

And then facing a question like this.

'What is your life for?'

I dare not tell you the answer. Perhaps the existance of Philosophy at this present era tells me there is no a right answer yet.

I am not saying anything like 'life is meaningless. however it goes, the end is same.' or something like this.

But it may be interesting to think about your own answer for that question, 'For what?'.

And then, still wanna know about yourself, go on.

Where are you (or am i) going toward?
What is the purpose of your whole life?
If you achive it, would u feel enough and be able to satisfy yourself?
Will it be worthy enough your utmost effort clinging to it during YOUR WHOLE life?

In my case, I did it. And I filled up my answer sheet and found me deliberating on myself.

I finished it but I won't write it here, though.

And it's your turn to sit back, relax and self-inquire.

What's your answers? A u satisfied with it? Would you give your answer sheet 100 marks?

Happiness.

2008-06-27T01:42:00.007+10:00

Dream a happy life.
Never give up rushing to one's own happiness.
Take a look at someone's happiness and empathize to it.
Be jealous of others' smile.
assume that you accumulate your happiness now.
expect to get your happiness as a reimbursement of your present hardship.

That's how a human live a life for his/her happiness.

But.. Happiness is not a condition or something.
It's not a visitor at a certain time come and knock onto the door of your mind.

It's about your will.

Having a will to say 'i am happy now' makes your happiness.

I'd rather be none than an alternative.

2008-06-25T00:23:00.002+10:00

I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.

Being a second choice for others was never me.
Being an optional is never in the consideration.
Being a possibility will never be any part of me.

As always i be,
There are two of me.

Absolute choice or none of others' business.

that's me for others.

'U can hate me, but you can love me. the choice is upto you.
But I am here and never gonna change.'

-From song 'Hatred or love' by JooSuc.

Back to my place.

2008-06-24T00:05:00.009+10:00

Thesedays, I feel like going back to my place.

Where I was alone,
Where I did by myself,
Where i was passive,
Where I was waiting for someone who fit me,

but where I could keep the stupid decency,
but where I felt the warmness of fellowship,
but where I had companions who share enjoyable grief together.

Being stuck in reminiscing about 'my people',

I just wanna wait for the people who wanna find someone they can call 'my people'.

For me in the 'my people',
For me calling others 'my people'.

I'm so sick of this ambiguity paradise.

I feel like going back to me waiting for the people being likely to be called 'my people'.

17Jun08 0114 in Library.

2008-06-23T00:58:00.001+10:00

What I had is not what I had.
What I have had is what i had and what I have.

Losing...
In my head what I had is clearly what I had..

But when I am in front of others, what I had becomes not what i had.

The only place where what I had remains, is the reminiscence of the people who called themselves 'us'.

Bitterly, sorely but pricelessly and preciously...
What I had goes far and further.