selfless leading and selfless supporting.

I wanted to share my joy as well as the value of my way so that 'we' can be one.

I have tried hard to embrace the loneliness part of me till such philosophical worth is being known by a beautiful lady.
All I wanted was the assurance that she will be with me, regardless of whatever happens, for the time we can become real 'us'.
So i tried reall hard to understand her and make her to participate this joint actively.

I do know that she had heart for me.
I do know she really struggled with what she does not even feel like knowing.

Whenever that was seen, I tried to explain that I will be helpful for the hardship so just ask me actively or tell me.

But I guess that has become another pressure I put on her on the top of the difference of myself from others.

She confessed that she did not want all these hardship in the relationship.
I thought these hardship was a promising step for the future but for her it was just a burden that will ever continue.

She did talk about her willing, but there was no expression of how willing she is for this hardship.

I did not care about how different she and I are.
I did not even care about the slow pace of the progress.
Because I thought all these could be overcome one day as long as we assure in each other's motivation.
Yes.  I just wanted an active participation in making process for becoming 'us'.

I have been degraded throughout the every trial of continuing the conversation. it was like talking to a wall.
I have felt additional loneliness of myself while I was redirecting her emotion to a better motivation because my emotion has to be dealt alone.


When I was pouring my heart, she was listening to the sound of my words.
My heart spilt. and I was busy picking back up the pieces of my heart behind her.

My picture which was never told is oneness of the two physically different entities combined by selfless leading and selfless supporting.



Once I had such hope coming closer..  But I was too little to compensate the innocent and pure sacrifice.


And now..  I thought I could have the hope far more fully due to the thickness of the seriousness given to me, but all were my over-expectation and disappointment was accumulated as I put more and more hope.

Some thoughts in 4th Q in 2013

Having sweetness alone is not loving. But giving it out and being cheap is not fun. A great picture of self-denial. * nice contemplation on a contemporary figure.

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into truth. ... He will speak only from what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to u. (John 14:13~14)

It gets tougher and tougher to sustain now. So i have to surrender more and more. This lonely road is seen by the One. I got reassured. Leggo.

Isaiah 56:1-8. Salvation of others


The verse to ponder upon for this year - Psalm 81 : 16.

When Paul was under the agony of being in the world, he rejoiced in his future grace.

I had a thanking prayer. Five mins was given and i was not be able finish all. So thankful for God being my God.

There are the beautiful feets unseen. I feel so blessed and challenged. For The One, all glory. + meeting a brother devoted himself to gypsy missionary work.

When you have a connection of love with God, you cannot not have love with people.

Message driven rappin
I aint takin no fakin
Im jus givin out that preachin
Its all that life is facin.

Real blessing is not how one well lives. It is how worthless one sees life on earth and therefore finds a real hope in something eternal.

How come things happen at once? Not that easy to bear but i rely upon my God.

Jesus took times to pray for His relationship with His Father.

Whatever it is, i am driven by motivation which comes from the Hope i value. Whether it is God or my action, i follow this.

The experiences christians undergo are the talents which are given to utilise in order to glorify Jesus Christ.

It ain't matter who you are or what you've done. He wants to forgive you. If you are pessimistic to yourself being able to be forgiven, trust me. He will.

Conformity. We often want to belong to somewhere. Does the place welcome u so much that u feel like not deserving it? Does the people/person value u more than who you are? Is it unconditional? Does the belongiongness last longer than your life? Do you feel a happiness that overcomes time and location? Is it secure belonging there? Is it continuously guide and help you? Is there love? To all these, mine is yes. Belonging to Jesus Christ is all yes.

Today is for a visit to a dying man and an appointment with young fellas. They are totally different but i will talk the same. Give me wisdom, Lord.

A laughter coming from empathy in the middle of seriousness is so great. It encourages as much as its sincerity.

I have waited a hand of understanding. I have been living hard to be a respectful leader or a uniquely worthy thinker, not a weightless-behaving clown or a nagging kid. A big tree was applauded with its consistent location and growth and maturity, not with its self-introduction.

Credit. Relational security. Empathy and thoughtful understanding. Sharing life values and mindful effort. Motivation. All are rather deep and core-related issues. Being one of the only few feels quite great. Self-selling is an inbearable humiliation. So tough to sustain without having a heart-shared hand. but only for the hope. Ignoring its isolation effect on myself is another burden. Let me smile, Lord.

pouring a whole night ofthe new year day into a vessel with a hole. the fatigue and hardship of the effort is isolated in me. dizziness and exhaust and emotional drainage. i looked up and talked up. and looked around. no moaning with this pain allowed to share. so toughly alone.


U - It was a dream. One particular smile remains. But it was a reality of the past. It is not here now. It is a reality of the present. And it won‘t be real anymore and I firmly close my lips.
*. the sound of the laughter. The joyful face. The pure heart. ‘A small kid‘


The old fame, popularity, values, and records are not kept as a personal achievement that long. On paper or in very few memories, they are. But not in the picture of now as well as the present hearts of the dear.

The road i felt so long and wide is a lane a car hardly go thru. The basement house i felt like a cozy and spacy fortress is in fact a tiny poor and hidden house with humidity. A gate i made me so safe is in fact a small door an adult can look over. Time changed all but my feelings.

A vivid reminiscence of the childhood. The flawless heart with joyful laughter in a full fun world. Although all these flats and concretes replaced my dear world but i still see the children who run for their adventure. As a big child, I smile and wave at them with a certain nostalgic emotion.

Generational conflict in family is always hard due to the emotional attachment. But it is necessary to try cuz it is the string that connects them together.


A frozen road. A road covered with ice. A road is called slippery.

It is so wonderful to see the bigger picture with a certainty of Tomorrow. So addicted to this view. But it creates isolation. An isolation that i used to get scared the most of.

U - The compatibility of my uniqueness and a hope on this way to Hope. It was pretty doubtable but i thought it is possible. Once it seemed possible. But the aftermath of this trial burdens everyone including myself. ‘people misunderstand me even when i explain their misunderstandings of me‘. This sentence keeps running in my head.

It is good to remember the sound of your humming. I am just afraid that i might have made it stopped.

The darkness in an individual can be emitted out in many different forms. Color-coated, fragrant-injected, and sweetened piece of darkness is still a darkness. Need to see the origin of it.

One step deeper is all they need. Shallow-minded leaders can lead only to the shallow way.

Havent slept for abt last 40 hours for deteriorating myself. Putting an effort for ignoring my thoughts and nourishing others leaves the scars on the centre of me. After a fuss, i am left alone and gather the pieces of me in a loud calmness. Great loneliness. But i will say the hope grows.

Need to grow up more, embrace more, and expand more. Be aware of stiffness which can hunt down my cravings for the vision.


Under this freezing weather, i was too busy struggling to feel cold. But now, i feel cold. Thank God for giving me reasons to feel so.


A biorhythm keeps its clock even when it is wrongly tickin. But there is a recommended pattern which accords nature. The amazing side of human being as a part of nature. Nature as a whole works as it is mae to be. Do i? Or do we? Inteeresting material for further thinking.


U - A burden that causes trouble is already enough. I may be able to take it as i know it coming but what abt the ones i care. Do i really need to bring them into this whole mess for the personal novelty.. It is getting clearer as I have more time with them. Feel sorry and bad yet i jus cannot let go of my thoughts. Dilemma? No. Greed? maybe. Feel double-burdened. Let this be a lesson, LORD. Guide me.


I think, therefore I am.

A single change in weather can affect the whole day of an individual. We time to time think ourselves as something so great and awesome to decide what is good and bad, but we are just a spec of the universe, a particle of a dust. Self-decoration (called self-presentation) becomes a virtue and humbleness lost its noble position. Who would suggest to feel less of self in this competing race?

U - This day. Several thoughts run busy on this day. An unreached heart and brutal passion of walking along the given way as well as a postponing of companionship. The realness of True Story and its absence in the memorial day for itself. Concerns to the beloved who may not even consider me much. The great love i have. And so on. It is the day.

Plucking one badness out of the whole thing and stereotyping all into one image. Especially it greatly works when the whole is a largely distorted one and the stereotype serves the taste of the spectators. + discussion abt philomena

Present. Between the past and future. The present. Between the past and The Future.

‘life can only be understood backwards but must live forwards‘. True.

U - When an event occurs, a memory is added. When it happens, i automatically see my side. I smile. And i hope to have another smile There. + refer to the wrapped-up confession thing.

A journey that will b remembered in any form. It will b defined later but began with the thought of seriousness. Fragile human me. Human me. Hm.

Living in a fantasy will eventually lead u to facing the reality of who u are and what your life is heading for. The meaning of life will never be solved if u just try hard in ignoring it.

U - Perhaps I should follow what is in my head sooner or later. I disguised myself in order to fit in. I thought it was a good way of harmonious adjustment but in fact it has been an ignorance to my own self. The taste of the vivid desire I once had was too sweet and secure to return myself where I used to be. Now, I function fairly well. But I just smile alone and that is all that matters. + refer to the note I made about the 'wish' on cy.

아픔까지 함께 한다는 말. 내가 될테니 기다리란 말.

Productivity is one great value. Functionality signifies an inner worth. Punctuality and capability is an important aspect. By doing the best, fulfilling the expectation. What is the difference between man in this society and a kog of a machine?!


Superficiality is a poison for the genuine realistion of true worth.

People are busy dealing with their own emotions. an interdependence at the fundamental level of emotion seems not possible. But I do want it and I won't change it.

Everyone can make their own interpretation of a word or msg. Many misunderstandings comes from this type of miscommunication. On the other hand, the only few are interested in why it is delivered. Another wisdom of living a life.

A likely fomula that can be applied to the category of the common. But it aint a law.

One single supportive word can change the attitude. Wisdom in use of a tongue is desirable.

Boby aches everywhere after a 6 hours drive under the crazy snowy weather. As my shoulers get healed, it is time for rehabilitation. (I used to do it for a reason.. but now...)

When was the last time i played with snow on a farm ground? A great fun and memory reminder.

Age gives u stiffness in thinking. But it never stopped u learning. As long as u hold onto humbleness, u can be ever-growing.

Water flows and time passes. I remain the same.

Walking along a night beach and pondering upon the self-realisation moment of earlier today. The deterioration of my thinking ability has been neglected for this long. Ever since the time was marked in my life, the voice of that sea wave gets clearer. A night. A night i speak without words. A mouth that is not on a face. A wave that nods its head to me.

A sudden trip to a beach. Heading towards east for no reason. Pondering upon the time btwn now and 10 yrs back. We are on the same way. Different age and the same emotion.

For color blind people, the world is composed of less diversity in color. For the narrow-minded, the world runs with a rather rigid formula. It is not only them who cannot see the world as whole. In order to communicate them, i still need to expand my perspectives as well as test my own sight limit to the world.

A lady ridiculed to my reason for life. Shouldnt i feel bad or angry? Instead, I feel sorry and pitiful. I guess the happiness in me is flowing enough to doubt it. Feel joy in where i become laughable for the name of Him.

‘Decorate yourself.‘ The same advice i get all the time. A piece of advice that i just cannot apprehand. I ain‘t bluff. Knowing who I am is one certain beauty of life. Anti-normalised value in humbleness is now a sad obstacle for the public realisation of my functionality. What an unfortunate sturbbornness of me.

One side is designed to show others and the other side of true self is to hide from others. That is for conforming to the culture harmoniously. He chose it to value his life. I chose it to value my life thoughts. But being active and continuous in it is in common btween him and me. + after watching the movie, ‘butler‘.


In the morning, i gather the pieces of myself into a bucket. Have i changed the way i think or do? Have i stopped growing? Have i been selfish? Have i been lazy in doing what i wanna do? Well. My answers are as clear as unanimous.

U - To mute myself in order to be one of the world. It‘s an easy thing as long as I manage well to sustain the solitude. What is the big deal? It has been like this all the time. Do not hold onto the hope that i have dreamt of. I guess it shook me too hard to jus give it up. The desperate walker cries to nowhere. No echo should be expected. Yeah. No echo should be expected.. keep the treasure inwards. Its worth is goin nowhere.

‘I ain‘t cheap and i ain‘t no care whether u call me expensive‘, says the ‘un‘price-able.

Distrust may come from me. But facts are already there. It is really hard to just ignore it. What a life in a world.

When a life is abt to end, there is always a lesson. Life on earth is meaningless, but death on it isn‘t.

Empathy. Always happens in one way. I can do it. Because i want it to be done to me. In the midst of ppl, thoughts and feeling runs dizzily. God, u know it. Help me.

U - I don‘t mind that i am just same as others when i am. But it feels hurt to be treated as one of the others when i am not. And, becoming one of the others by situation chokes me to the edge. Hm. So lonely.

A dark sky in the evening thickly covers this big world. Tiny cars and buildings are busy burning. So many people in my sight. But dear my companion is nowhere. How good it would be to share this immense joy of the travel!

A night that makes me thinking abt ‘My people.‘ A deep sentiment of the heart remains in my eyes. The solitude of a wild wolf that caged in a tiny parcel. I do see it alone.

When a joy is muted, it remains isolated. It does not go away. Just not be seen.

‘Hugging the air! It is abt hugging! Sounds so comfy!‘ People may tend to overstretch positivism and ignore the reality. It happens quite everywhere.

Smile on the things that never reach me. But the seriousness comes into play too radically when it enters into my concern.

A true regeneration of spirit or resurrection is not by our decision nor by knowledge. It is a supernatural gift from God.

7 out of 7 looking down at phone. The culture trend is obvious. Then, the contents matters. Not the trend itself. * in a subway

A dream that made my heart beating so well and healthy. A dream.

Having a couple of bread that are expired. Like me realising things always after a while later.

a misfit. at least a misfit can have a hope for another misfit.

I do know that i do not deserve to look for the interdependance i have dreamt of. Then, one way is left. But... my hope for sharing joy..... cannot leggo.

One of the hardest time is when a hope is given away when it was meant to be accomplished. For greater good. yes. for greater good.

Always becomes once. All becomes one. Everything becomes nothing. Because one becomes two.

You deserve better. Way better..

was a half step ahead always but never looked back.

One keeps embracing. one being thorny. one tried to harm. One made memory. one says sorry. One says thank you. one is.... me. a small one.

No matter what runs in my head, morning comes. A day begins.

A wind of irresistable yearning for the realisation of my hope blows onto my cheek. I may have scattered a couple of sincerity, but a shame will remain in my every breath. Now, i put my hands in the pockets of my jacket and walk on. It is a windy day.

A lost diary. Feel hard on the fact that i lost the diary of my 1 year-hardship memories in the past. In the midst of a busy and lively crowd, i stand still and remember the feeling i had over my careless attitude towards the precious records.

When a laughter was left alone, it was loud and full. When it came to this place, it became ignored and eventually muted. When was it since this laughter heated this passionate heart? Just a hurt smile remains on my face as if it has been always there.

Solitude goes on.

Utterly amazed by a histrical figure by his likeness of me in terms of the solitude (or the hope for sharing his thoughts). I indeed need to read u and see who are and what were your treasure, kierkegaard.

Something can only be seen by the people who knows its symbolic or inner meaning. The expension of it perhaps is called ‘a good insight‘.

The stories and thoughts untold will remain isolated without the key of your interest. Lonesomeness of the unspoken treasure will harden the heart. ‘Life goes on, the loneliness too.‘

For the greater good. Yes.. greater.. (Nov)

A white mask. A 20 min-long effective item. But before the imfo is known, the mask on that face will stay there for whole day.

A disabled man walks with an aid of a woman with no appearing decency. But it is decent already for their heartful union is beautiful enough.

U - The broken promise may become no value to look at. But it will continuously remain on my lips for God as well as on my heart.

There are too many things that cannot be expressed in words.

None of us deserves his grace. Thanks to Jesus on that piece of wood, i want to be a stone under the feet of the people who need to see Him.

It is good to know you realised life here is meaningless and aimless. I hope u find the right answer to the life question and i will be right there beside u, buddy. For the Happiness, the absolute and genuine one.

There are talks that are only understood by some who share some related commonness. I have been busy telling others abt the importance of it. Then today, i felt like it would be good to be slient and reveal it only when a question is given as long as it is not about THE Truth.

Live by and for faith. Without faith, nothing is valuable. (heb 11:6)

Who shall remain? Will there be any in this mess? I will. This road is as scary as how fun it is.

U - The joy i always wanted still remains in my wish list. Nostalgic empathy connected between me and me in the past. What i had in my dream was a single smile that is genuine, not this one i put effort to make. Will i have one? +. After reading some old pieces of my etude.

The trouble in sincerity. I cannot ignore nor get over.

We see what we believe. To be curious about what is unseen and how others see can make one wise.

Let this year be one that makes me smile on my 31st day. God, I need u for that.

Thank you everyone for ur concern and greetings thru all different types of technologies(haha). I felt God‘s love thru each of u and will pray for all of you. * And even the ones who missed the chance to say but still keep me in their mind are all appreciated.

Once it was a piece of my normal day. A while later, it became a nostalgic memory. Then, it came to be a dream i longed for going back to. Now, it is just a place i don‘t belong to. *standing alone on the lane in front of the house i spent my childhood and teenhood.

Long time since opened my childhood album. Expected to do it with someone, but i still be better alone for doing so. The stories untold. Sweet and bitter feeling. Good material gathering for The Day‘s thinking.

Sometimes it is necessary to look back and think about whom yourself is. Learn about yourself and concern about yourself in the future. In terms of influence-receiving, remember you are the one who can make your own environment to some extent.

The time is coming. No wonder for this thrilling solitude that awaits it. My diary is about to finish. To end up the chapter of this dynamic and humiliating year, time to get ready. A rewind begins.

Buildings and leaves. Money and positions. They all will run well with or without us. Keep up, dear friend.

Positive mind is normalised in society and its abscence is pathologised to certain degree. This phenomenon implies how a life in a society becomes intolerably hard without it.

Job 2:10

Retrospect. Prospect.

Feel like a toughly packed thing bursted out. A chaotic headache pounds the heart. Out of control. Clinging tightly to God‘s hand.

U - There are good examples of havin the erroneous belief i am always right. Be aware of the fact that prudence and thoughtfulness does not mean perfection. Don‘t delude myself that i am always right. Be open to the perspectives and empathize them. Admitting that i am just another tiny and limited man, look for maturity. Keep it real. - a pause moment of self-reflection in a dawn of insomnia nights.

May LORD guide me through a way You think i need. Growth in You is all i hope for.

Over the night, the call was repeated numerous times. It hit hard on me and my chest got drier and drier. But morning still comes.

History notification and bday alarm on a side of the window. I was led to the past. Found my photos and the words abt me. Influence. Brokenness. One-sided reminiscence. Time and mind. Time heals nothing, at least for those who care about minds.

Thankful for the calmness. Sorry for the wrongdoings. I make mess. You forgive. You decide, i follow. God, You are all i need.

I am wicked but You called me righteous. Thank You for hearing me.

While Jesus was tortured, i was busy creating reasons for the torture.

Have bn alone for a while to reflect myself and to re-check my path. By encountering many instances, my solitude has been told again and again. And today, i am told i am nothing but a mere lump of sin. God, hold me. Hear my prayer that Jesus taught. I lay down myself. Let Your will be done.

Christocentric life does not allow other saviour whether it is gods or human.

I took the same risk. I feel the same. But i.. different.

Living in a big mess. What is sad is that few can see it. The few only realises they add up more mess like others and feel guilty abt it.

My words is now ready. But my concern will never end.

Fame remains for an instance.

Life that is written for someone is different from the lives that is lived out randomly. The good worth that is never recognized. My aim shifts to the One again.

U - The fact that I would rather be alone than i have a not-enough strangles me hard to force me being alone. Typical me. There would be none to fill my longing up. But i still do wish so. Yeah. I do so.

20131102 2243 For a settler, the environment is one of the most important and meaningful things that continuously interacts its influence and subsequences. For a traveler, all things will be passed away and therefore they are meaningless unless one goes the journey with him. The traveler does need one that shares the journey and thoughts.

When a hand is desperately in need. When disappointment grew so hard. When exhaust falls onto the eyelids. And when all these take place at once.

A series of aweful dreams woke me up several times already. Or rather, it was my guilt-ridden reflection that just tells me my sinfulness. Thank You Lord for stopping my vicious conducts to make me repent. I surrender to You.

When u are gone. Hm. When i am gone? Haha. Yeah i know it. - peeping the personal talk on display. (U definitely know u will feel worse by showing it off. It aint a solution.)

Realisation of the unworthiness of self is necessary to see the true worth of God.

A pathetic sinner i am without God. Not my willing but God‘s may drive me.

Though You slay me, yet I will praise You. Though you take from me, I will bless Your name. Though You ruin me, still I will worship. Sing a song to the One who is all i need.

Being in the middle of silence.(The end of Oct.  When I was isolated fully alone and felt the hope-less.  When I stopped all cordial caring and looked at myself.)

Just did a heart-poured piece of writing as usual but very special. Here i stacked jus another piece of me that will never be heard to any. Just another lonely night as usual.

Appearance does not tell u everything abt the entity. It is revea.ed far more by its background or historical stories.

As always. (the hurt I have after I show myself.  Not many cared about my untold feeling but they are busy thinking about their own feelings.)

Appearance does not tell u everything abt the entity. It is revea.ed far more by its background or historical stories.

A hungry, dizzy, sleep-demanding and sweating day continues and still need to fill myself up with some energy. I cannot but my Master can make it. Give me Your strength today so that i can empathise and embrace ppl i meet.

Unity, peace, encouragement, cheering, morality. All sound just right for any religion and for a better human world. But if it does not value the uniqueness of Jesus Christ, it has nothing to do with Christianity. God is merciful because he is righteous but forgives the unrighteous, not because he is a pushover who smiles to any blasphemies. Jesus is the Only way. Period. (regarding WCC)

This journey shall end with glory. The joy of it already feels me up high. As long as i am hereon the way, i shall mind my mission only. All glory to God.

As long as u are satisfied with your life and wgat u long for, all is fine. But whether it gives u the consistant and life-lasting happiness regardless of what happens is a good measurement for how u live now is worthy or not (for yourself).

Even if He doesn‘t, i am already thankful enough.

Uncertainty can be seen differently according to the type of glasses a person wears. Some sees it as opportunity and for some it is called desperation. Then what do i call it? I will jus say uncertainty.

Walking along with the way to the ‘old place‘ takes me to the past. Although it is said the unfortunate but good thing about human-being is forgetting, I can already empathize myself - the sentiments, burdens, questions, health, and even the taste of th breath at the time.

As usual. A cynical smile touched my lips. I am who i am and what i think. Want to be shared. As usual. Yes. As usual.

It is not only that i appreciate your thankfulness but also that i do love to accompany your life journey as your friend. You are more than welcome. I thank you for concerning me for counselling your hard times.

1jn 2:15-18

A premade and mass-printed booklet that changes names only per cases appreciates the visit and welcomes. Formality for social show-off and celebration procedure that follows normalised notion than truthful hearts. No one‘s fault it is. Feel somewhat hollow in all these. Hope your true thankfulness be delivered to these people. And i just pray and wish for your happiness from my heart, my dear friend. Congratulation on ya wedding.

There is no wisdom in me. Let me have Yours for this sunday.

All the things that has been done cannot be undone. Regret and apological heart. Self-criticism and blame on imprudence. Damage management and aftermath of immaturity. If you face it seriously, that is where you grow. And for the chosen, confession and guidance-seeking to God are the ‘how‘ part.

Getting up so early after a sleepless night. Whatever happened in my head and heart, morning comes. ‘The joy comes from the morning‘. Fill me up with Your joy today.

Pure sensitivity of innocent mind. Beautiful. Regardless of age, just beautiful. Feminine tenderness in emotional expression. Beautiful. (Hm. I aint gon b able to write so. Well. It sounds like a good challenge for me. One addition on my to do list.)

Utterly shocked by the way a pen and papers can be used to shake hearts. Speechless moment. This is indeed a wisdom. What am i supposed to do? I just cannot even express with my lips. But.. i... For now, i just appreciate the heartful method. It makes this night sleepless with joy and sorrow.

I am clay and You are my potter. (Jeremiah 18:1-10)

Humbleness with Knowledge leads to action.

The worth at last is the first.

I would rather sympathise with your downside. Cuz everyone looks for your joy to share. I wish to be one you can find easily to share your hardships.

It is always cheering to have someone with such a strong mind and willing for making things together. A great news it is. Good on u. + the one with swagger(?).

Always regretful about the patheticness of my effort that try to fit in where i do not belong to. What a sociological misfit and a chronological misplacement i am. A hope for sharing the worth and being understood of my self always leaves me a tremendous damage i cannot handle. Rather limping alone than being played by others. No necessity for degrading me for ithers. I will be a unique stone that waits for the one who recognizes the value of it and actively moves out to have it. + the sentiment and volition of the situational tragedy in my personal history.

Standing on a street in this cold weather shook me to look at the torn newspapers on a side of the road. Remembered that once i found them warm. Hu.. the memory of a homeless. When no one was waiting for me, i still waited for someone. And it continues ever till now. ‘An odd wish of an odd one.‘

"Lord, kill me if I don't preach the Gospel" Amen.

Scratchin. Rappin. Beats. Instruments. But above all, preachin and message-oriented holy cheerin. +stayin at my church alone over night as usual.

You will be remembered and your passion will continue bearing fruits. Cannot wait to see u. Dear holy brethren.

Do u follow any form of beauty? Does it last long enough? Does it worth ur life? Ask first and then act.

As people grow, most of them like to have, eat, exprience, see, and possess only what they want. Growing old gives certain autonomy to a person and it is used for self. For maturity, watch out yourself becoming one of this.

U - Serious attitude to myself is one of my uniquenesses. This seriousness takes the other options away and build inter-personal faith hard. If being prudent is to be blamed without any attempt to know, i shall be standing here passively and stubbornly to take it. +. this one is for two different occations as of today. (Relational and advising aspects)

Whatever i am pushed in, i will stay the same. On the same road of life. In the same hope of fellowship. Of the same heart of belief.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.(Phil. 4:6-7)

I may not be whom u look for. U may not know who i am. Thickened remoteness breathes into my heavy sight. I might be just one who is full of stain but available for your greater good, fellas. I worth nothing but a tool for Him. If I malfunction, i am a mere spec that creates a turmoil. A real talk.

What you see is not always true. What u think is not always the case. But what u believe drives how u do and where u head for.

The desperate hand is reachin out for hope. Hope is a thing that hold ur worth. Then which hope you march for decide who you are. Cuz you are desperate enough to seek for a hope now. * just pray u find the true hope. One that answers all of ur life concern.

People who does not care abt u do not mind feeding sweets to u. But some who cares much abt u will time to time give cautions of concern that may somewhat sound not so good to you. Which type of people do u think of for these? Which fruends do u have more and how do u react to them?

Sweetened bitterness are easily favourable. Sugarcoated insanity looks just right for the tongue of majority. The real talk and the genuine sweetness for the life no longer triumphes, at least in popular culture. But one thing cheerful abt it is that there are a few who still shine in their positions.

A purified heart costs the misguided lust. What the heart calls out for is always obvious as long as no self-deception occurs in one.

A decline to an opportunity to be worldly productive in the chosen land, Israel. A high salary, a promising position and a great experience were proved to be nothing in front of my worship-zeal. Thank You. Let me diminish for Your name. You alone are my satisfaction.

Job hunting chaos. Financial worth became the value of individuals. Not all, but the most in this society render their existential importance to a mere disposable machinary bolt which works for the whole society. Be decisive and be yourself first before u say others are the same. Others doing the same do not justify you or promise happiness. Be honest to yourself and live a living life.

My satisfaction after any achievement solely comes from God. No satisfaction in achievement but in God. (2 cor 3:5)

‘Explicit sign that guides me which way to take.‘ i gotta dig. It is a sign for rakin the Paper in.

The casualness and superficiality to self and life is an unbearable outcome this consuming culture. The most beautiful worth is now on display. Soberness and seriousness is on sale. Prudence and dignity is now nothing but a form of capital. I am dizzy. Isn‘t there anyone who sees it? Anyone?

Good day today in a wonderful world where God is faithful.

Uncertainty. A gigantic obstacle for any build-ups. Regarding it as a misunderstanding and waiting till the time i can see clearly should be wise? Or letting go and giving credits to my thoughts that has always won the battle of expectation?

Arrogance is what i hear from the work i have done. Talking face to face is restricted and still i am just a stubborn one. Yeah. My uniqueness is to be called so, i am one. Let me be the one. ‘You can‘t do nothing.‘ thank you for the comment. *after a phone call with the bigman.

Sleepless night is not necessarily full of thought. But tonight is. Not really sick and with fever usually. But tonight isn‘t.

Looking at spring onion growing in the vases. They grow so well. I wish i grow well and bear fruits too. And i wish i would be like it sharing the same ground, history, and goal.

Saved by grace through faith alone.

I may not have what u want. I do have what u probably don‘t want. You look for something I do not care. That is because I care about what u look for. Whether i lead u on or guide u depends on u. I jus do my part.

Big mess in my head. Probably that is who i am. Nothing but a beast of sinners and a thoughtful solitude with reckless stubbornness. A lonesome spec in a grand world. Kkk.

I have no love for this world. I do love people. But there is no love for this world in me. My love pours out to the people only. It is a life-friendly stream which flows from The One to the beloved.

My heart pumps so hard. It pounds my chest and its tremor stimulates my eyes. In the midst of this narrow way, I remind myself of the goal and reason that continuously tells me to move on. Full of lies surrounds me and the solitude that comes from the travellers' journey shakes whole ground I am stand on. Nonetheless, I will humbly go on this life. Yes. I will. Cuz I know it is nothing but a moment. My rejoice will ever grow seeing the grace I am given.

What are you looking at? How are you looking at it? Why do you look for it? God-centeredness. Yes.

A zeal for the worth-making effort is a one I wish to possess. What the worth is and a passion in progressing would be great to be shared.

God, You alone is to be glorified in this mess in me. Let me decrease and let You increase.

the hope. and The Hope.

I have The Hope and the hope.  

The Hope is to see my Lord in the end.  I live for this.

The other hope with small letters is that I want to have someone who can go this journey with.  

Life is like a travel.  It starts from somewhere and it ends somewhere.  

Depending upon an individual, the way radically changes its shape or outlook.

I do have my own way.  This one is unlike the others' ones.  This has a very firm and unique look with the absolutely fantastic taste of fruit trees.  

But the only problem of this road is that it is far from any other people's road.  There is no neighbor road to mine. 

So I am dying to share this wonderful way to someone. But less likely people recognize its worth cuz it is far from the most people's ways.

I wonder.  Why is it like this?  

So many followed me and said it looks great.  They wanted to know it more.  But then, they got easily changed by the sound of the mainstream people shouting.  they got more interested in the people, not the way itself.  So, they must have seen me only rather than me on this 'my way'.

Now it is getting clearer that I am seen as porcupine who bothers the things getting closer.

Although my way and my value are tremendous and great, I cannot tell them about it cuz my way is different and low. 

I would not mind being treated so cheap and easy if it will worthily shine later on by bearing a fruit called, the hope.  

But it is true that everyone does not see it. 

No. Not everyone, just them, the people who are everyone except "my people".  They don't see its worth enough to stick to.  They just believe it is just another way of a weirdo.   

Being seen as a weirdo and being treated cheap and unbearable.  

It just makes me to giggle at my own effort in caring less about me.  

When my effort is being treated cheap, why do i keep on trying?

Why do I have a hope to have a journey comapanion when I have not seen any?

Yes.  I am desperate.  I am desperately eager to walk this way with the one who appreciates the worth of the way together.

But it is obvious that degrading me without any respect is not on a part of that desire.

 

Maybe I have trusted too much for the words with the shallow depth.

Or maybe I have tried too hard to overlook the difference of the seriousness.

LIFEGOESONANDTHESOLITUDETOO.

.. I once dreamt of having a partner who wants to change it.

becoming unique.

The value-driven attitude which desperately longed for the hope of having a companion who can share the true worth of the way.

A group of values I pursue is as precious as how much they are known.
They are often said big, deep, wise, strong and sometimes too much.
Once they are known, the novelty of them is far greater than anything on the earth.

Under the supreme truth of God,
this way towards God with the values I hold seems not so appealing to most of the people in this world.
Sometimes, I had to hide myself with such values in order to fit in the world, called society.
Now I am easily managing how to hide myself but serving what they want.


This solitude has always been with me ever since I started to think.
I was the only one around me who could see the things that are so important and basic.
I have allowed so many people to see what I can see but everyone just left me after they realise they cannot see them so precious as I see.

I am still standing the same and hold the values and thoughts I see.
The isolation that came from the value-driven life started granting me solitude.

Amongst the mundane and tasteless life thoughts, I am the only one who sees them and this awesomeness of view to them amazes me all the time.

I do wish to share them with someone who is really interested in them.
Cuz they are the most valuable ones I have.
From God, as the first, to the values that came out of my prolonged thoughts.
All of them are so great to have in this life.

Everyone is compromising and justifies themselves by explaining their own thoughts.
Everyone does have a feeling of certain degree of loneliness.
Everyone looks for something that will make them happy.
Everyone seeks to hold the thing that can shine themselves.

I do the same.  But I think I do have certain insights of them and I have certain answers to the questions of why.

This novel happiness is to be given away.
This sweet understanding of life is to be shared.
This easy way with a firm goal is to be accompanied.

But everyone is busy being themselves while there is only one answer to everything.

When no one wants to understand, my novel happiness become solely.
But this happiness never goes away.

a scream for the one

A white solitude leaves a black scar in the bloody red heart. A scarlet smile was once a blue hope. An ivory hand was all i asked. But the grey surface around the bright happiness may have been too thick to ask for a transparent break. BUT a little emptiness will never able to crack the thickness of my happiness.

midnight intimacy.

The shadow of the day remains screaming for urgency after the night suppresses madness.
Overheated engine is addicted to frenzy.
Pause is forgotten like a dead lover.



Realistic darkness smiles on a beauty of light.

 But the scattered wisdom remains shiny as it always does. Like a stupid grins.

song from a part of my time

Some songs make u think about a time of you. Whether u like the song or not, it just triggers a part of ur past running in your head. 'Reminiscence'. A word that surfs on the time of me.

positive mind? a solution? or a veil?

One pathetic life is believing the ideology that positivism can bring happiness. Life is a cold fact. Do not 'over-decorate' it with positive fantasy while u feel frustrated.

Why. Dear friend, 'why'.

I have been said that i have to join the 'role-playing' game. The given reason was that everyone does so. So once i tried hard. At the front, longed for taking the main puppet. Never seen the puppeteer. Never seen a mouth saying have seen the puppeteer. Instead, was said that we share our part. My role was to take a part and avoid stigmatisation. I wondered why. I asked why. People said why was a laziness. Why was an immaturity. But why never died in me. Disguising like a 'no-why' intelligent, I strived to be role-responsible. When a gray street relied on me, My heart started pumping. 'why' bursted out. It was worth my life throwing into it. And then, when no one asked why, I was answered why.

some pieces of my thought throughout 2011 (3)

What defines to be a Korean?

Is it Language? Gene? Family background? Appearance? Nationalist passion? Interest on K-pop culture? Paying tax? Passport? Completion of military duty? If ones don't know what's to be a Korean, how come they are so loyal to that 'don't know' thing? Need some clarification on one's decision of his/her identity.

Happiness can be found everywhere. But the existence of life is concerned, happiness can only be found in one way.

The events in Bible are metaphorical? There may be some mismatches with the true histories, but events themselves are not metaphorical. That's my conclusion.

Tmr is never promised. But we try to make sure about future.

I'm NOTHING. What a blessing to realize it!

Don't look at yourself but look at the interest of others.

Peeping on other intellectuals' understanding existance of evil in God's creation. Interesting, but it feels bad that I cannot say my own argument.

‎'I don't know how come I exist, but I just live because I have life'. How come we a so light-minded? There are too much things going on and we are always busy. But we never thought about the meaning or purpose of what u live in.

Small weather changes alter human mental condition. In this gigantic universe, how trivial we are! Nevertheless, we are valued. That's so amazing.

I'm braggin my 'nothingness' so that my God can be glorified alone.

Do I seek for exotic? No. Do I look for the difference? Yes.

We are too busy concerning about relationship with other people. What about yourself/myself? Is it really non-sense to think about reason of own existence because it's not productive?

They know a tremendous number of things - but is it worth while knowing all these things if they don't know the one important thing, The only important thing? (from Siddhartha)

Life without depression sounds abnormal, but no one really faces it face to face. We tend to ignore it so much that now it is designated as a disease. But is it really so extra from our life? At least as long as I know, no one goes without it. For me, it is like a mechanism that gives u a feeling of emptiness. In other words, it tells we gotta fill it with something, other than our own.

Dreaming of being on a beach of Indian Sea. The whole feelings of my youth covered me overwhelmingly. The time I felt when everything means nothing. It was, indeed, a beauty of life.

People are so busy living for tomorrow. They live today for tomorrow. When the tomorrow comes, I find them still busy for the tomorrow's tomorrow. They actually never meet the 'tomorrow' they are after. However, people still live for the tomorrow. Why don't we live today? Why don't we just live out today? If today is gone, then there'll be another today. As long as being in the right track, live today. use today to fulfill the right one.

For Christians, do u love God? I mean, do u love God who wants all of you? Do u love God who does not want you to look for your worldly bliss? Don't blur the image of God. Just say yes and act out, my bros and sis.

SNS is to show off me, then my use of it is intentionally differentiated as the records of my thought. It is never for the spectator but for me and the ppl with capability of thinking what I'm on.

The one who gave me gospel is about to be anointed. Thank you, Lord!

God made home real home, family real family, and me real me. Such an amazing grace!

You are what u talk. Treasure is what u speak of all the time. Look at what you say for finding you.

Agony is a great chance to ponder on the 'self'. Seize the opportunity rather than ignoring it by listening to what people say.

World develops, people earn more money, and technology introduces new convenience. Then why crime increase and less and less people are nice to others? I guess I see something here.

I await my hero. Patience and excitement accompany with me till the time comes. Just wish more of my people get into the right way with me.

Balloons, rides, roads closed, happy music and so on. That's how Carnegie(main road) looks like now. I'm very curious. Merry christmas for who? Happy birthday to who?

This life is so lonely and full of righteous sorrow. Teach me and lead me cuz you are my Lord.

I just saw a life struggling for meaning. He earns really well but the emptiness in him shakes him really much. I hope he start wonder about life and find God.

The Dogmatic force which is called 'natural selection' is prevailing, but its prevalence cannot justify its credentiality. Hm. Yeah, it may make sense in the democratic world.

I'm growing two tomato trees and two garlic plants. They grow well. Now I'm waiting for rain which the forecast kept expecting since sunday and never happens.

Being a real friend is hard, since he/she gotta tell something bitter to the one they really care. But poorer is the one who does not recognise them.

train delayed and I just called off the work. Stuck in the broken train and I couldn't do any. People got upset. But small kids were smiling and swinging their tempered parents' hands. Perhaps ageing means learning to get upset easily over something not that important.

I live today not for tmr nor today but for you, Jesus.

pen and paper. Endless pursuit of linguistic painting.

The first attempt for appealing my own idea than writing off what uni wants resulted in what I expected. No H1, but it was worth it.

Self-mortification, self-esteem, and self-confidence in God makes nothing but self-righteousness and self-deception. We just need selfless love to God to be judged righteous. We do things cuz we love God.

Memory. the unforgettable day on the Indian beach under the monsoon rain. That was a chance of tasting a 'normal' life. It was the closest exotic experience to the commonness. Time has passed a few years. But I still remember the smell of the wet rain from the day.

For a city life, rain means a tool of sentimental reflection. It is a kind of accessory people talk about under the ceiling. On the other hand, rain is a critical essence to the rural life. It is a life supply and sometimes a threat to lives. The adequate concerns from both perspectives cannot be considered simultaneously by one person, since its implication weighs differently according to the situation. What we do is only a guess or estimation. Like this, the way we see things is deeply linked to the situation we face and the interest we have. Then, it seems human view is very apt to be sided.

You are so different from anything else in the world. You are so absolute and your love is so firm. In this changeable and superficial world, you solely are reliable. That difference makes your worth incomparable. In short, you are holy.

May this Christmas be 'real' merry Christmas to you, my friend. Let this birthday be a sane birthday to you. I was so impressed with your concern about you and God.

talking on the phone in the dawn may screw the following day but as long as it was worth knowing deeper feelings of somebody it's a great moment of the life.

Ah!!!!!! When u write something on computer, gotta save it often. Otherwise, u may need to say 'good bye' to the unsaved part reluctantly by encountering a sudden shutdown. (once again, I prefer pen and paper.)

Most people can only understand what they see. This fact has been utilized by evil so well and now it seems almost impossible to believe in something that is not seen. As once I found its illusory lies, my love for the others is ever growing. I really wish they can see what I see. I wish they find it and fulfill the emptiness that stays always in them. I wish they long for the things that never changes throughout their lives and even goes with them further.

What is your reason of living your life? What is your core motivation of life? Do you have one?

a late night. The white flower being reflected by street light. The time when the human loneliness being written. It's a chill night. And it is, indeed, chill.

A suicide note. The boy was mesmerized with the fullness of himself in respect of his existence and it was a victory of the adversary. What if he just had a simple thought upon the meaning of his existence? His letter was my writing back in about less than 10 years ago. (ref : the suicide of a middle school boy in Taegu in Korea)

People say there are things that cannot be shared. In fact, there aren't. It may need some explanation further, but all I say here is that I am one of those who are waiting for you to talk something that seems the thing that only you are concerning about. Whoever read it, don't be bothered being alone. I am here only for your sharing.

Reminiscence of the past brings me of the time where I felt all alone. The time beauty was nothing but a sadness. When the meaning of the thought blossomed, I realized that it was a necessary fertilizer.

He/she who has ears to hear, let him/her hear. This gospel is not those cheap treatments like flue vaccine injection. This is pricelessly valuable gift given by God. U wanna name it in your own way? You'll be charged for that.

The brightly sunny weather woke my diligence and I hang out my doona under the Sun. when a half a day passed, I went to take back my doona with the joy of self-compliment. Now, the doona cover's waiting for washing due to the bird's drop. Another emptiness in effort in worldly life. Haha. (Like words in Ecclesiastes)

To the question of the origin of human pleasure coming from teasing someone. It's not always the case and most(almost all) of such pleasure relates to self-centeredness. We are not pleased over the other's suffer being made by another. When we attach ourselves to the situation, that's where we make joy of.

What u think good may not be real good for you.

A reason establishes a goal. That goal drives motion. Motion defines that person. Therefore, 1) knowing the core reason of motion is essential to justify the person. In addition to that, 2) it is certain that the absence of a reason leads to nowhere but a temporary recklessness.

Paying money for shit. I mean real literal shit. What kind of this convenient world makes me paying for Manure? Hm. Ridiculous but for my tomato.

my thoughts in 2011 from A to Z

Adopting another culture requires another you. Accepting Christ needs the denial of u.

Bring your bad selfishness to the brightness of God. Let him be the best of your interest.

Calculation for opportunity cost and choice is certainly obvious. Nevertheless choosing Jesus over urself is critically decisive.

Declare your christianity to the others! Demonstrate it verbally and dive into it. U Dare do it and God'd bless u with stronger belief.

Eliminate ur ego and empty ur worldly mind. End them and fill it with God's emotion.

Freedom from the frantic worldly obsession is a small part of God's fellows. Fly high, the fanatics!

Goodness is what God sees good. It does not dwell in what you think. U want goodness? Repent and turn back to Christ. Ask God for his grace, glory, and governing, rather than being driven by your selfish greed.

Hello everyone, I'm on my way to write 'A to Z' comments. If I fill up ur news feed, sorry for that. But I hope some may read them and think about the world, yourself, and the meaning of life. Any concern or question, proceed it thru sending me a msg. If it's too much, please complain it to me. haha. Will be happily awaiting. (Wondering who reads till this length).

Incredible God increases a believer who inclines to decrease.

Jesus is just THE ONLY joy, motivation, and saviour for Chistians. I mean, the one and only, not one of many.

Knowledge is the power in the modern world. Everyone pursue to obtain certain knowledge and know-how in order to become a powerful person. But how many wants to know God in order to please him?

‎'Love others'. Literally true commandment. Some longs for doing it but fail. Why? Cuz they don't know how God loves us. We gotta know God's love first, not merely try to behave willingly. (John 13;34)

Meditation, along with fasting and waiting is what Buddhism suggests for achieving the freedom. It seems Buddha had really good insights. But sorry for him that he couldn't fulfil his thirst and made an unfinished conclusion. What that freedom referred was the hopelessness in himself. The broken heart. The essence of the thirst for God.

Nobody but u, Lord!

Omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent God is the one I believe.

Poverty is ignored,pain is muted, phone is developed but people are isolated, purity is ridiculed, pride is grown, and persecution is strengthened. If it does not seems so, think about your yesterday.

Quality that depends on the acknowledge of quantity is not the way of defining everyone's value, even tho quantity seems to tend to set quality.

Reminding people of God's purpose may be a social turmoil of me, but a spiritual happiness and a serious concern of me.

Seriousness on life has been replaced by entertainment. And it's getting serious in this world.

Too busy to look at oneself is the world. Busy for what? then, that for what? Then that for what? Then, that for what? Then, that for what? Then, that for what?

Undermining your ontological value is on the process. Be aware of the things that makes u wanna fulfil for your own.

Vulnerability seeks security. That's why the beasts of sinners look for holiness.

What's on your mind?

Xenophobia towards sin is a part of holiness. However, the xenophobia towards sinful man is a hypocrisy, since we are all sinful men (traitors of God). Love is a pitiful heart to those who lack of realising the love they are having.

Yawning to the spectacles and yearning to true values of life.

Zoom in and out around your life and see it as an independent phenomenon. And ponder on the synthesis of the meaning of, and result of your life.

Zeal for accomplishing this A to Z comments rendered me the acknowledgement of my tendency of omitting articles. Ah.. Just realised.. Again.

some pieces of my thought throughout 2011 (2)

not the feel-like ones, but the chosen ones. In urban community, there's something no one talks about. that's what I've bn given.

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you - unless, of course, you fail the test?

What a grace I've got. This is an amazing life.

Christ or nothing. I do not dare to defend my name. For God alone.

Not believing in Demon does not protect u from demon. - from the movie, 'The Rite'. In fact, that's true. Above all, not believing in God does not protect u from his judgment.

some say coincidence. we say grace.

Speaking bible became heresy. what a pity on the contemporary churches of anthropocentric jesus-less gospel! But the passion of gospel cannot be compromised. That's for sure to those who bet their life on the right one. Mercy on us God. We need your mercy. No more blasphemy to holy spirit.

God I know is not entertainable nor temporary. He rules everything at every time. Glory to u, lord.

Holy Spirit, I cordially ask you to do amazing thing to my friend. As you opened his heart to listen to you. That was a stunning flippin. But that's not enough. I pray and expect more than that. All for your glory. Gospel seed has been sowed. It's your turn, Holy Spirit.

Jus one single glimpse of God's beauty will change ur life upside down. One thing for sure.

God's people only jump for the Lord, we ain't jump for the hoods. When I flow, it's gospel!

We are meant to fall. But through the failure, we are meant to recognize the one and only God. That's how he disciplines us, the 'worshipers'.

Faith is this; I don't belong here so I don't care about things around here. I care where I belong. Therefore, I am free from what others care here.

I felt God's tremendous patience. Thx God and sorry for human arrogance.

Theology of Brokenness. one of the essential that we loosely grasp and, sometimes, rebel against.

Holy Spirit, Give your blessing to your lovely son. Let his way be on the way you want him to be. Whatever it takes, please bless this son.

you are always hungry for more. A jar with a big hole in it. That's what you are staring at. Now, let's forget about that stupid jar, so called 'self'. Let's get loose! Wanna join me?

God is enough for today!

Do not test God for your own good, when you are not willing to follow his will.

Being a Christian is a bet u play with ur life. It's not one of the accessories you use to decorate urself.

Is it God u are looking for? Or any types of encouragement from God for urself?

beyond will, that's where the grace dwells in.

Unbearable joy is what I'm looking for. That's what I aim at. And that's how I knew God.

There's no such word 'self-esteem' in Christian. It's all about God and Jesus.

Worldly Ignorance cannot be amoral. However, the passionate ignorance about God is a essentially critical mis-conduct.

knowledge without belief values nothing. Belief without knowledge is same. It does not make sense, 'believe in something that U do not know'.

God can be glorified without u. It's matter of whether u wanna be a part of his glory or not.

God as a part of ur Egocentrism? Or You as a part of Christocentrism?

Just felt that I may need to look at the people who are looking for the real love. I thought I am always available for that, but it seems the others do not think i am. Hm. As long as I can be a part of God's glory, I am always ready for being a living sacrifice. But, God. What about the sickness of being in it? This will restrict what I can say about you. which one would you be more happier? hm...

God is so merciful for you and he always fulfills what you want? is that true? He is so good (in a human-centric way) that he always wants to give you something good ? Be awake. That goodness is not from human point of view. If your first desire is NOT to glorify God, rethink about your faith.

‎1 Corinthians 1:21. human wisdom cannot know(understand) God. - What I felt in Academia about God.-

Faith alone we are justified. What's evidence? your conduct.

Genuine happiness stands firmly on truth.

If that ever-loving God's holy spirit shakes u in the worship and leave u tremble alone after the worship, I've intentionally ignored it. Cuz my God is not instant like that!

God, there are so many people thirsty of u! Bless them with ur words, not those wisdom-less wisdoms, life-less deceit. *jus met the passionate guy.

Deeply rooted self-concerning seems hard to eradicate, especially when one is struggling for knowing God. That's bcuz we are always told that we make our own lives. Face it boldly and challenge urself if u want to be in glory of God.

If Christanity is a belief because God is not sensorily provable, atheism is a belief too.

It's not about what you do. It's all about why you do. do you know why you do what you do? and is that really worthy your youth or your life?

Treasuring Christ is the only way to avoid hell. Hm.. What else can we do?

beautiful weather but it never be mine. How brave we jus exploit it without appreciation towards God.

the world of encouraging optimism matters. why? Optimist people tend to ignore the negative facts that is crucial for them. (from newspaper). Then, I see what's going on in the Christian scene. Avoiding fear of God and sins, 'we are happy in church since jesus did everything for us, whatever that is'.

What makes people thirsty for truth is not the logical affluence of Bible, but the brokenness of each individual. What's brokenness? It's the mind finding hopeless in itself and looking for the absolute truth that worth its total devotion.

some pieces of my thought throughout the year.

On a clear day, we see things clearly. when it gets foggy, we recognize things so hard, and even cannot see what that there is. Perhaps it is the season of the fog why people are stray. It is due to the artificial fog that we proudly made speck by speck.

‎'don't we always try to keep ourselves busy to be away from the loneliness and emptiness?' We all know we are basically THIRSTY for something like genuine HAPPINESS. The one always stays with you no matter what. Do you really have it? or are you busy mesmerising yourself?

Why do we think we can understand everything even when we agree there's intrinsic limitations in human beings?

I saw a giraffe in zoo and thought 'wow. they are fed for free'. It was kinda sad cuz human is not managing well enough to feed its own species. Perhaps, human tries to manage too many things in their control and get burdened from the pressure. it's kinda human greed that smothers their freedom. we didn't actually need to feed them if we had not interfered them.

it seems true in academia 'degrading the true value of human by upgrading knowledges'.

Why people are selfish in their possessions, but not selfish in their meaning of life? Why do they just live as people tell them? - I guess, the blame for the sociological, political, environmental and social settings.

assignment season - exhausted. party (or reunion of friends) - happy. work in early morning next day - tired. sleeping over - regretful. All sort of mundane cause/effect. It's so meaninglessly momentary, if you think about it.

all agrees with the deficiency of human ability. but it seems no one seriously accepts it.

literature that only a few can understand. the old school practice, which I aim at.

harmony is made by consensus. A and C is different and incommensurable. B wants harmony. then with A or C? that depends which B value More. it seems the time to minimize my position to maximize my ultimate duty.

taming animal, bad. organizational taming of human(management), intelligent. is it really so? what an awesome world!!

We hope. We remember past. We say 'Carpe Diem'. But we postpone our happiness by sayin 'I'll b fine after this'. have u ever really had that 'long-lasting' satisfaction? Or keep sayin that vague cliche and deceive urself?

A night. Full of thoughts. Happiness and pity. mouth and emotion. Why so diff? poor ppl in the wicked world.

joke, wealth, body shape, horror, seriousness, and even a life. All looks easy and everone values experience far too much nowadays. cuz it is believed that everthing is entertainable.

On a clear day, we see things clearly. when it gets foggy, we recognize things so hard, and even cannot see what that there is. Perhaps it is the season of the fog why people are stray. It is due to the artificial fog that we proudly made speck by speck.

People claim themselves smart. It's like being deceived by a fully-fledged intentional ignorance of the weakness. It seems all we pursue is fantasy whereas all we face is reality.

Some stuff we take for granted are, in fact, the frame set, called 'intended'. A u really in a happy and enjoyable Disney world as everyone tells? sure? isn't that what u desire but never reach? Don't be deceived dear readers, I beg u.

Different lenses can show us different things. We gotta ponder over whether we are using the right one. Even, the most 'intelligent' academia also sees a thing with different lenses according to the fields they deal with. Then, how come we call it 'objective'? Even professors couldn't answer. Interesting.

distorted dichotomy of religion and science. This mess is very interestingly unfolded throughout history without knowing where it goes. Human greed for obtaining judgmental power is the only explanation. *. James 1:15

It feels like saying 'ok' to the phone due to a guy aiming his gun at my face. Forced answer to fulfil the 'taste'. -in an ordinary Essay night

Once u desired for someone beside u for ur whole life(whether lover or friends). A u still looking for the one? Or trying to compromise urself with reality and deny ur desire?

Influencing others cannot be always in a rational way. Especially when it regards the self-reflection. Maybe that's why I keep myself quite till I fully internalise others in me. It's like a combination of self-reflective analysis and suggesting an option other than a discrimination of other's value inferiority.

There seems no absolute standard if we analyze the existing standard CRITICALLY. But that that does not justify there's no such absolute standard in the world.

If u wanna know what u love, look at the people u feel jealous or admire.

The affiliation to the 'ordinariness' is choking the passion to my true romance.

‎'Because everyone does so' cannot be an excuse. as you already know.

Once again, gotta face another 'leftover' me. The thrill of it for 9 yrs never get me easy. Financially, socially, emotionally, physiologically, mentally, psychologically, realistically, literally, traumatically, uniquely, and always it grows.

clear way of seeing something.

Tremondously upfronting matter exists right in front of my missionary effort.

One thing for sure is that I ain't move nowhere but stick to the thing my life cling to.

It ain't right to be one of harmony-focused people. I'd rather be a righteous person to redefine the harmony.


How come all the Words blurred this much..
Why no one ever wonder where exactly they are heading for.

For those who are passionate for walking to the light,
For those who are lost in their meaing of life,
the wrecked I will be utilized in order to bring a true happiness to them for the only one, my Lord.

technology makes things quick. - 1 (IT)

Technology makes things quick. All kinds of daily activities become so convenient and quick.

It enabled the range of massive information reachable so that we may not be able to live without sucking them up.

IT(info tech) such as internet, phone, etc. dragged people to nearby place of me and it also buckled me up at a finger-away distance. People cannot move or lay back for the upcoming excitement of the eagerly waited reunion. they are always available. there are too many availabilities on one's hand to keep the relationship alive. It is ridiculous. But it is true. It kills the yearning for the ones who shared the precious part of the life.

It is hardly a case that you eagerly wait for the time you meet your dear friend once again counting the number of days left. That you imagine what the meeting would be like and make smile over your fabulous fiction in your head is dead. Instead, you call and you talk. you set the time and the day and txt each other till the time. Even at the time on the day, you call and inform that you are on the way and sorry for a bit late. This time is a time of the like.

What a dull world it is. How tasteless you are. How bad luck to you who are sick of it but cannot get away out of it like me!

I'm alive.

Head up to the front.

Walk and dance on the way.

I'm fully-fledged in life!

Thank you.

BAck to Uni with no future~!

Holiday's over.

It's time to go back to a 'STRANGER' mode.
Who I am is not who i am.
being a student is far more than I expected.(Esp. with work together.)

exploiting my youth seems what I've done so far and it still goes without a secure future.
Is it worthy or not? I have no idea.
But the only thing I will assure is that I will have lived a life without a excuse.

I will maybe regret, I will maybe miss back, but I will be enough to declare myself a man with experience.(even though the experience is not productive.)

A man of stories.
A man of the abnormal.
A man with a UNIQUE smile.

exam season.

As a Uni student, it is a exam season.
tons of revision(I'd rather say, learning something new) awaits at the front of my eyes and
old brain retards the progress.
A cheap pen keep pours out extra ink through the ball and
Paper becomes a field of scribbles.
the pressure of language and exam burdens quite heavily.
But it is enjoyable overall.(I wouldn't say it if someone asks now, tho.)

Cuz life is all about exam.
it is a big exam that we go along with the learning and applying.

If i am scared or exhausted by this one, that will eventually denies all the exam I've gone through during my lifetime. studying is the one of the easiest thing in the life and exam about it is a piece of cake to a hungry person.


This paper-based academic is just a trivial one of all.
(However, I still worries about the letter, 'F', which means additional cost in reality.)

Let's get dull with it and see the real exam. the throughout-life one.



........so i'm listening to songs and writing stuff instead of revision... Hm..

some says Sobriety can do nothing?

There are so many things that are justified, merely due to its pleasure.
morality has been plucked out of the real 'fun' and the socialising process never wait for those who are deliberate.

Beauty of refined culture is hardly found and everyone runs to pub and drink for 'fun'.

Once One used to it too. One cannot deny it involves fun.

The only difference 'one' found is that it is eventually a one of this instant ecstasy-addicted fantasies in the world.

It is not about drink.
It is about perspective you have.
how far does your sight stretch?
How far?



SOBERLY, Havin 'not-fun' last Sunday in the inner city of Melbourne for 'FUN'...

I should've tried harder on the bet.. Hm..

How sad it is to face a limit of sharing my happiness.

This fundamental and immortal happiness in me flows so fully that i can't hold it for my own.

When this unerasable exciting joy is passed to someone else, the righteous satisfaction thru life covers over the whole world of me.
Since it is sincerely happy for me and Him, undeniable joy promised is shaking my delightful emotion so hard. It is even more when I feel another receives.

However,
where this delightfulness is blocked by an arrogance and cannot be stretched to the core of someone's life, sorrow blossoms to feel sorry.

I won't be sad or feel bad about this failure of sharing a flower of faith. Since mine won't be changed.
But the love in me which wanna share the right happiness cannot penetrate my beloved, then, frustration for their love-missing is entitled to my pity.
sympathy is what everyone requires. But wrong direction ignores the right deserving.

How sad it is. How sad my love is. when it encounters a short-sited unsensitivity.