at the re-biginning of novel.

An abandoned story,
utilizing the shimmering mementos,
categorizing delightful inccidents,
overcoming sorrow of knowing losing real notes,
and throwing out loneliness coming from thorough isolation in the past.


It's time. It's time to get lost in.

walking alone on a sole journey.

Don't know where it goes,
but it seems it's the only one i can go along.

I walk alone as others do.

It's not a big deal.


The only difference i have than otherss is that I just know I walk ALONE.

* 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by 'Green day'

For What?

There's one simple and easy phrase we all the time use and got used to hear.

'Do your best!'

And without any doubt, we just feel motivated or hastened and try things harder.

That phrase always works for something toward 'ACHIVEMENT'. And strangely no one ever ask oneself this question.


'For what?'


From somewhere, we started being able to do reasoning on our own behaviors like when we are teenagers and study hard for better Uni or something, we have often used that phrase to each other and heard it from our surroundings.

-. Do your best on studying.
'For what?'

What would be asuming answer of ours?

-. to get better grade or marks.
'For what?'
-. to avoid dad's or mom's blame.
-. to go to better Uni like Melbourne Uni.(haha.)
'For what?'
-. to get a good job.
-. to study what i wanna know about.
'For what?'
-. to make more money.
-. to compensate my parent's hardship in their life.

.
.
.


'For what?' can go on and on and on. and as the number of this question being asked, ur reasoning is getting accumulated. and finally, it ends to somethere you gotta think about what your life is all about.

Happiness, Self-actualization, satisfaction, compensation, honour, or etc.

Then it goes a bit to the philosophy.




What is 'your last answer' for?




your answer relates to the death and the meaning of your life.
Wherever u went with those questions to, there's no other ends but death.

And then facing a question like this.

'What is your life for?'


I dare not tell you the answer. Perhaps the existance of Philosophy at this present era tells me there is no a right answer yet.


I am not saying anything like 'life is meaningless. however it goes, the end is same.' or something like this.

But it may be interesting to think about your own answer for that question, 'For what?'.

And then, still wanna know about yourself, go on.


Where are you (or am i) going toward?
What is the purpose of your whole life?
If you achive it, would u feel enough and be able to satisfy yourself?
Will it be worthy enough your utmost effort clinging to it during YOUR WHOLE life?


In my case, I did it. And I filled up my answer sheet and found me deliberating on myself.



I finished it but I won't write it here, though.

And it's your turn to sit back, relax and self-inquire.


What's your answers? A u satisfied with it? Would you give your answer sheet 100 marks?

Happiness.

Dream a happy life.
Never give up rushing to one's own happiness.
Take a look at someone's happiness and empathize to it.
Be jealous of others' smile.
assume that you accumulate your happiness now.
expect to get your happiness as a reimbursement of your present hardship.


That's how a human live a life for his/her happiness.

But.. Happiness is not a condition or something.
It's not a visitor at a certain time come and knock onto the door of your mind.







It's about your will.



Having a will to say 'i am happy now' makes your happiness.

I'd rather be none than an alternative.

I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.


Being a second choice for others was never me.
Being an optional is never in the consideration.
Being a possibility will never be any part of me.

As always i be,
There are two of me.

Absolute choice or none of others' business.

that's me for others.




'U can hate me, but you can love me. the choice is upto you.
But I am here and never gonna change.'

-From song 'Hatred or love' by JooSuc.

Back to my place.

Thesedays, I feel like going back to my place.

Where I was alone,
Where I did by myself,
Where i was passive,
Where I was waiting for someone who fit me,

but where I could keep the stupid decency,
but where I felt the warmness of fellowship,
but where I had companions who share enjoyable grief together.


Being stuck in reminiscing about 'my people',

I just wanna wait for the people who wanna find someone they can call 'my people'.

For me in the 'my people',
For me calling others 'my people'.

I'm so sick of this ambiguity paradise.

I feel like going back to me waiting for the people being likely to be called 'my people'.

17Jun08 0114 in Library.

What I had is not what I had.
What I have had is what i had and what I have.

Losing...
In my head what I had is clearly what I had..

But when I am in front of others, what I had becomes not what i had.

The only place where what I had remains, is the reminiscence of the people who called themselves 'us'.

Bitterly, sorely but pricelessly and preciously...
What I had goes far and further.