Do you remember yesterday?

Do you remember yesterday?

were there stars in the night sky yesterday?

How much clouds were there yesterday?

What made you smiling yesterday?
Which way the wind blows yesterday?
Who did want you to look back yesterday?
When did you feel hungry most yesterday?
Why don't you remember some of those above about yesterday?


Yesterday was one of the days you have had.
But yesterday had not been met you before and you won't have the 'yesterday' again till the end.

There might be so many yesterdays.
But the yesterday you've been thru was just one particular yesterday.

No one had same day as exactly you had.

That means, U lived yesterday and everything was right there only for you yesterday.


For the everything that had settled for you, let me ask you just one question.




Do you remember yesterday?



...... yesterday that was designed only for you?

In fact, it's not that valuable.

Inevitable sacrifice.

The idea current human beings consider as the best is actually just a piece of source for the later human beings. Although it doesn't mean that the every right thing in the past is not totally wrong, if it is considered as not suitable for present, then it is just wrong.

Absolute truth. It is a non-sense but it is worthy. Because the belief in it can only give people an excuse and so that people can believe and say positively 'We are closing to the truth and the justice. We are developing'.

Truth we have is not the truth. It's just a belief that we have truth.

That is, it's merely a poor justification of this present time.

(from my note at 1100 on 16Apr08, Wed)

It's not easy to restart something that was almost forgotten.

People dream.
some walk, run, or rush towards it and some stop and be still. Some step back from it farther and father and some give up.

This world tells a plausible story as it is a hidden secret.


'Chase after the dream till the end.'






I don't agree with that sly and tasteless quotation, but i have my dream too.

Unlike the others, this dream never urge me but sometimes chokes me nearly to the death.

it changes its form all the time and occasionally it converts itself into totally opposite one from the previous one.

Anyway, that is my dream. I never chase after it or try to grab it. I just accompany it during this long journey, called life.


On that view, I have a companion who's always staying with me and his name is 'sensitivity'.
Whenever, whatever, wherever if i want these buddies, he allows me to cooperate on something. Although his appearance is always different, he's most of the time near me.

Once we hung out together at a river side, windy day without doing anything, but writing. We, as usually, came up with one story and started writing down.

for a few days, he begged me to continue it, but i refused it cuz i felt lazy to do it.


That's quite long ago. And we were busy been dong something else.
I accidently found that piece of paper, the memory from that river side, and asked him to restart it.

But he denies to do it.
How hard I try it, he never show his mind.
And then i can't go on.

Cuz it was not mine, but ours.

During the last a week, when i stayed home and did nohing, I couldn't even turn his mind to hang out with me doing the thing. And we've played with something else.

Right now, I really feel sorry missing the story, a bit hate his provoking timid mind, and really regret my carelessness to him.


'Water under the bridge.'

NO SPORTS for 3 MONTH!!

My right posterior thigh brought me to the hospital today.
The pain was getting severe and i could barely move.
(I shouldn't have run yesterday night.)

So I went to Monash Hospital and got an interview.
It is not hamstring strain. It is some blood collection and torn muscle.

Since 2 weeks ago exercising sports for straight 10 days results in severe muscle torn.
Especially last week wednesday, I played socer with some ppl and from the beginning I felt pain.
But my heart was burning(?) for soccer.
I just wanted to play more, so I ignored its seriousness went on..
And now, I have a pair of crutches on my both side when i walk.

Ah... What should I do!! I have revenge soccer league from next week~!

I can't play. It ain't good.
I tried to convince the doctor how much i wanna play for the league.
But Doctor affirmed that if I play a sports within 3 months, the wound will be permanent and you'll limp for your whole life..

Hm...





Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. (Luke 22:42)

To feel sympathy for the ones who ain't got a purpose of life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rXzXDUamCQ

It's a song, named 'Dear Slim pt.2' by KJ 52.

He's a christian rapper and this song is dedicated to Eminem who is so into cursing others.

To feel sympathy for the others, to long to share the real happiness to the ppl who doen't know about it, and to tolerate all the misguided blaming and threatenings, are the duties what christians has to do.


Something hot is forming inside of me.
and I pray God for Eminem and the ppl like him not knowing the real life.

'a life with out Christ is still a life that is never fixed'

Choice.(Hamstring strain)

I was dying for playing soccer.
and I finally could play a game but from right before the game begins, my right back thigh started pain me like it was stretched out over the maximum.

I could not enjoy the time and ruined my players' morale.

I wanted to play. I felt like it'd be okay after a while.
I kept playing. I denied the need of rest that my body claimed.

keep playin!! That was my choice. and the pain got worse and worse.
It was yesterday.



Today I reluctantly went to the city to do somethings.
I barely walked. I was walking like an handicapped.
And I am home now. My leg stimulates and pains me quite strongly.


This short story gives an moral which can be applied to everything.


When you choose (to do) something, there's always outcome from it and you have to be responsible for that.




Choice is one of the most blessing and scariest thing amongst all the taken for granted.

To flavor your tasteless life with laughing.

Just to make the visitors feel refreshed,

I sacrificed. (feat. Keung from HK.)

We were human beings b4 we found out the function of the laptop camera.

My angular part to be trimmed.

A tall tree catches much wind.(It doesn't sound like the proverb I wanted to use...)

Hm.. I mean, to be a circle, the angular parts should be trimmed.


For the state of me blessing whoever treat me in anyway,
For the true smiling of me whatever happens to me,

It is mandatory to lay down my arrogant thought.
It is a must to have a wisdom which open the sight of the narrow way.


To be Han man, the one whenever remains in any heart,

this reckless and lonely race will last on and on and on.

Burst out what I had to do.

When the load of life burdens on my shoulder, it means i was lazy enough to stack the pile of toil.

amazingly stink scent of the turmoil goes on into my olfactory sense which urge me to dispose as i reluctantly do.

Already this chronical idleness encroach on me and agitate me as it has no space to heap up.

It is this short break from being somewhere between dowsiness and overwhelming amount of tasks, like now, when I unfortunately have speculation of myself.


Hahahahahahahaha...

I'd better smile this time. Because I have far more to go for fulfill this word count of essay and my eagerness of own purpose.


Wind blows slyly thru my open window as it's whisper of abandonment.
hehe....

Give thanks.

Give thanks to the grateful heart.
Give thanks to the holy one.
Give thanks because he's given Jesus Christ, the son.

Give thanks to the grateful heart.
Give thanks to the holy one.
Give thanks because he's given Jesus Christ, the son.

And now let the weak say i am strong
Let the poor say i'm rich
Because it's what the lord has done for us.

Give Thanks.



-----------------------------------------------------------

It's Han'man a.k.a. 'J'.

Sometimes I feel like going back.
I just want to be me in the past, whom the people look up to.
just wanna show the things I have and let the others feel jealous.
That was really good in vain though.

To humble myself is never easy to do when you are in the middle of people who wanna be respected.

I had had no idea about humbleness and he simply made me lowered. He took some of the things I was proud of to tell me how much I had had.

Ever since I realized the reason why he lowered me,
I've been gratefully lifted and have felt thankful to God for having degraded me.

I have a worthy thing that cannot compare to the things that i lost.

And as a humble man, I can only give thanks to you, Lord.

Whatever this way goes to, I'll be happy for you having me guided.

I give thanks, Abba, my God.

Knowledge and wisdom.

Knowledge is not the measures. It's wisdom.

at the re-biginning of novel.

An abandoned story,
utilizing the shimmering mementos,
categorizing delightful inccidents,
overcoming sorrow of knowing losing real notes,
and throwing out loneliness coming from thorough isolation in the past.


It's time. It's time to get lost in.

walking alone on a sole journey.

Don't know where it goes,
but it seems it's the only one i can go along.

I walk alone as others do.

It's not a big deal.


The only difference i have than otherss is that I just know I walk ALONE.

* 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by 'Green day'

For What?

There's one simple and easy phrase we all the time use and got used to hear.

'Do your best!'

And without any doubt, we just feel motivated or hastened and try things harder.

That phrase always works for something toward 'ACHIVEMENT'. And strangely no one ever ask oneself this question.


'For what?'


From somewhere, we started being able to do reasoning on our own behaviors like when we are teenagers and study hard for better Uni or something, we have often used that phrase to each other and heard it from our surroundings.

-. Do your best on studying.
'For what?'

What would be asuming answer of ours?

-. to get better grade or marks.
'For what?'
-. to avoid dad's or mom's blame.
-. to go to better Uni like Melbourne Uni.(haha.)
'For what?'
-. to get a good job.
-. to study what i wanna know about.
'For what?'
-. to make more money.
-. to compensate my parent's hardship in their life.

.
.
.


'For what?' can go on and on and on. and as the number of this question being asked, ur reasoning is getting accumulated. and finally, it ends to somethere you gotta think about what your life is all about.

Happiness, Self-actualization, satisfaction, compensation, honour, or etc.

Then it goes a bit to the philosophy.




What is 'your last answer' for?




your answer relates to the death and the meaning of your life.
Wherever u went with those questions to, there's no other ends but death.

And then facing a question like this.

'What is your life for?'


I dare not tell you the answer. Perhaps the existance of Philosophy at this present era tells me there is no a right answer yet.


I am not saying anything like 'life is meaningless. however it goes, the end is same.' or something like this.

But it may be interesting to think about your own answer for that question, 'For what?'.

And then, still wanna know about yourself, go on.


Where are you (or am i) going toward?
What is the purpose of your whole life?
If you achive it, would u feel enough and be able to satisfy yourself?
Will it be worthy enough your utmost effort clinging to it during YOUR WHOLE life?


In my case, I did it. And I filled up my answer sheet and found me deliberating on myself.



I finished it but I won't write it here, though.

And it's your turn to sit back, relax and self-inquire.


What's your answers? A u satisfied with it? Would you give your answer sheet 100 marks?

Happiness.

Dream a happy life.
Never give up rushing to one's own happiness.
Take a look at someone's happiness and empathize to it.
Be jealous of others' smile.
assume that you accumulate your happiness now.
expect to get your happiness as a reimbursement of your present hardship.


That's how a human live a life for his/her happiness.

But.. Happiness is not a condition or something.
It's not a visitor at a certain time come and knock onto the door of your mind.







It's about your will.



Having a will to say 'i am happy now' makes your happiness.

I'd rather be none than an alternative.

I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.
I'd rather be none than an alternative.


Being a second choice for others was never me.
Being an optional is never in the consideration.
Being a possibility will never be any part of me.

As always i be,
There are two of me.

Absolute choice or none of others' business.

that's me for others.




'U can hate me, but you can love me. the choice is upto you.
But I am here and never gonna change.'

-From song 'Hatred or love' by JooSuc.

Back to my place.

Thesedays, I feel like going back to my place.

Where I was alone,
Where I did by myself,
Where i was passive,
Where I was waiting for someone who fit me,

but where I could keep the stupid decency,
but where I felt the warmness of fellowship,
but where I had companions who share enjoyable grief together.


Being stuck in reminiscing about 'my people',

I just wanna wait for the people who wanna find someone they can call 'my people'.

For me in the 'my people',
For me calling others 'my people'.

I'm so sick of this ambiguity paradise.

I feel like going back to me waiting for the people being likely to be called 'my people'.

17Jun08 0114 in Library.

What I had is not what I had.
What I have had is what i had and what I have.

Losing...
In my head what I had is clearly what I had..

But when I am in front of others, what I had becomes not what i had.

The only place where what I had remains, is the reminiscence of the people who called themselves 'us'.

Bitterly, sorely but pricelessly and preciously...
What I had goes far and further.