I'm alive.

Head up to the front.

Walk and dance on the way.

I'm fully-fledged in life!

Thank you.

BAck to Uni with no future~!

Holiday's over.

It's time to go back to a 'STRANGER' mode.
Who I am is not who i am.
being a student is far more than I expected.(Esp. with work together.)

exploiting my youth seems what I've done so far and it still goes without a secure future.
Is it worthy or not? I have no idea.
But the only thing I will assure is that I will have lived a life without a excuse.

I will maybe regret, I will maybe miss back, but I will be enough to declare myself a man with experience.(even though the experience is not productive.)

A man of stories.
A man of the abnormal.
A man with a UNIQUE smile.

exam season.

As a Uni student, it is a exam season.
tons of revision(I'd rather say, learning something new) awaits at the front of my eyes and
old brain retards the progress.
A cheap pen keep pours out extra ink through the ball and
Paper becomes a field of scribbles.
the pressure of language and exam burdens quite heavily.
But it is enjoyable overall.(I wouldn't say it if someone asks now, tho.)

Cuz life is all about exam.
it is a big exam that we go along with the learning and applying.

If i am scared or exhausted by this one, that will eventually denies all the exam I've gone through during my lifetime. studying is the one of the easiest thing in the life and exam about it is a piece of cake to a hungry person.


This paper-based academic is just a trivial one of all.
(However, I still worries about the letter, 'F', which means additional cost in reality.)

Let's get dull with it and see the real exam. the throughout-life one.



........so i'm listening to songs and writing stuff instead of revision... Hm..

some says Sobriety can do nothing?

There are so many things that are justified, merely due to its pleasure.
morality has been plucked out of the real 'fun' and the socialising process never wait for those who are deliberate.

Beauty of refined culture is hardly found and everyone runs to pub and drink for 'fun'.

Once One used to it too. One cannot deny it involves fun.

The only difference 'one' found is that it is eventually a one of this instant ecstasy-addicted fantasies in the world.

It is not about drink.
It is about perspective you have.
how far does your sight stretch?
How far?



SOBERLY, Havin 'not-fun' last Sunday in the inner city of Melbourne for 'FUN'...

I should've tried harder on the bet.. Hm..

How sad it is to face a limit of sharing my happiness.

This fundamental and immortal happiness in me flows so fully that i can't hold it for my own.

When this unerasable exciting joy is passed to someone else, the righteous satisfaction thru life covers over the whole world of me.
Since it is sincerely happy for me and Him, undeniable joy promised is shaking my delightful emotion so hard. It is even more when I feel another receives.

However,
where this delightfulness is blocked by an arrogance and cannot be stretched to the core of someone's life, sorrow blossoms to feel sorry.

I won't be sad or feel bad about this failure of sharing a flower of faith. Since mine won't be changed.
But the love in me which wanna share the right happiness cannot penetrate my beloved, then, frustration for their love-missing is entitled to my pity.
sympathy is what everyone requires. But wrong direction ignores the right deserving.

How sad it is. How sad my love is. when it encounters a short-sited unsensitivity.

Let it go.

to the favorable braveness, I said 'let it go'.
to the delicate suggestion, i said 'let it go'.


when the heartful craving is shown in subaqua I see their precious and priceless gleam.
But whatever it comes onto the surface, i was always sayin 'let it go'.

Even though I decided to be greedy, I just can't let 'let it go' go.

It's probably time to let the attitude go.
The trauma from the richness of hand waves in the past.

Somewhere in the middle.

Where do I belong in aspect of human being?

Biologically, I am a 185cm tall male.
Geologically, I am Korean who stays in Melbourne at the moment.
professionally, I am a melb uni student and a PCA at nursing home in Carnegie.
Religiously, I am a JESUS HOLIC in all capital.
Politically, I am a skeptical to most of the policies which involves ideas of economics.



okay. So are those me?

I do not know. Cuz I don't think I am.

I have friends but i am alone. I am alone but I have friends.
I am religious but i am not religious. I am not Christian but I am Christian.
I am out of the people but i am one of the people. I am not in society but I am a member of it.
I stays in Melbourne but I do not belong to Melbourne. I speak Korean but I don't feel Korea.
My family is all alive but I can't see them. I can't feel them but I love them.
I am not a clubbing one but I like socialising. I don't like biased 'Carpe Diem' life but I enjoy every minute.
I am told I have much experience but I don't agree exprience is good thing.
I traveled a lot but I don't like leaving.
I like food but I cannot cook.
I value people but I tend to be disgusted with crowd.
I do have my own way of thinking but I don't want opportunity cost.
........ then what is it? What am I? What do I want? What do I long for? What am I heading for?

Belonging.

At least, one thing is sure, then.

Business, Busyness.

Business is never easy.

But when you face busyness including business, you'll dream of going back to deal with single business.

Hanman Diary.

Knowing nature.
Understanding Society.
Japanese.
Principles of Marketing.

----------------------.
One info.

ohisaSHIBURI desu ne. - means 'haven't seen you for a long time' of a formal way.

When teacher asked the class to repeat, I grinned a bit.
Cuz it sounds like 'where the F*** are you saying now, huh?' in korean.

And then,

informal way of 'haven't seen you for a long time' ..... It was another bomb.

SHIBARAku desu ne.

............. it's just 'You, F***' in korean.

I never laugh with dirty jokes or curse words since I changed my mind.

But it's Japanese. the one I hated for my whole life till I realize i have to love everyone in the world.

This subject is getting interesting.
Ah... due to the repeatation, I used korean bad words today since long time ago.
Hm.

Han man Diary.

It gets started to become eager to play drum once again.

havin not played drum for last 2 months, to see somebody playin drum drives me crazy.


It is not good that I feel like shackled into time. The frame irrelevant to myself that everyone is entrapped is expanding its dark hands over my freedom.

It's quite great feeling to be back to school, tho.
Although I encounter the situation I sit with someone much younger than me(I hope there's no generation gap), I finally acquired the gratification of being one of the most which I've longed for a long long time!


But this busyness of doing all the things i can afford to at the moment finally locked me in the calculative perspective to the time I have.


Ah... University. tertiary education is as precious, lonely and detestable as I never dreamt after my silly rough attitude towards schools washed off of me.

It's called further studying. but it's just first studying for me. The fact requires me to compensate the bygone time I wasted when I was in school.


Hm. Epitomizing article homework of knowing nature gives me nothing to know naturally.


Understanding society shakes my collar to urge me to say that I won't be able to.


Japanese, the one of the hateful subjects in my teenage, is once again popped up onto the surface to test my immune against heterogeneous abhorrence.


Principles of marketing feels like when i need to go to market to buy food.(which I have no idea how to do.)



nevertheless, the reason I can be thankful and grateful is that I know it's not me who's doing all these. The only duty I gotta do is just to do hard. That's it.


And then, the consequences, hence, are all acceptable, since I trust what he gives is good for me.



So, let's get ends of my lip wide to east and west.

Hanman Diary.

It's been a long night.

just finished night duty and got home, waiting for washing machine to finish.

(So that I can wear the uniform again for afternoon shift.)

tmr, one of my dearest fellas is coming to melbourne.

He'll be with me. To pick him up from the airport, gotta get up early.

but today i finish work at 2315. And I have to sleep from now on.

Will I be able to get there by 0700??

it'd be better to send a txt to my friend, the driver, to come and wake me up.

I'm looking over how to start uni.

All are quite new and heaps of info smuggle into my tiny little brain in gigantic huge head.

esp. subjects are killing me.

What'd be good to do as breadth subject? So many and So cautious.

can't play drum anymore in Church.

instead i become a lead singer.

gotta pray more and more.

just paid house bills. became a begger.

wanna play soccer.

but cannot even play basketball.

won't miss this time on Sunday.

the movie, 'Hot Fuzz', is quite amazing.

bought it and watched it twice again!

Still quite cool.

let's sleep. can't even type a word now.

Love.

love. what an impactive word it is.
It is what everyone dreams of, what needs to be special and what always makes ppl warm and smiling.
It brings you passion, longing, timidity and at the same time boldness.
Once it passed you by, it leaves irrevocable time waste, irreparable malfunction and irrecoverable scar on your heart and daily life.

Love. How boring it sounds.
Wherever you go, whenever you listen to music or everysingle seasonal day you get tired of hearing it.
It drives a nail of caring mind into your ears. It's a cliche you feel nothing of.
However, it sometimes is a charm and a deposit for payback. It is useful to justify yourself. It squeeze some hearts to get involved into your certain purpose.


Love. How unimaginably huge!
It siezes parents tightly and disarms their calculation. It operates reckless sympathy. It is never known by the recievers. And it is the most precious thing once the acquisitor realized. Impossible to repay and too humongous to perceive fully.


Love.
How much of love do I enjoy in my life?
How much am i able to measure?

Love.
How many kinds of love do you follow after in you life?

14Jan10 Hanman diary.

Rented a car. gathered ppl. went to Sovereign hill, the gold mine.

due to the accesibility of all the information thru media and internet,

nothing was interesting much. Some are even disappointing.

This imaginary adornment is far expanded by the manipulative media.

Thank you media~!!! Thank you technology~! Thank you development!

Hanman Diary. 'some photos from 2009'

[show yourselves!]

[unnoticably taken at circus]

[With Mr.English!!]

[with Trinity fellas and my bro]

[a we really at same age?]

[leaving Oakleigh..]

[come on, babe!]

[Wow! it's a snake!]


[dance with me on the beach, fellas!]

[feel like feelin someth'n]

when the Sun shines

When the Sun shines
all creatures reveal their colors.
In fact, they just reflect the light coming from Sun.

When a man smiles
all the ppl around him has a several size of 'delight' impact.
in fact, they want to smile deep down in their heart and he triggers it of everyone.

Smile.

don't you wanna be the one who infect joyful virus to everyone?

be the one, my dear.

2010.

It shouldn't be new year!!
Haven't achieved what I had planned to do within 2009.
So just can't let 2009 go away like this.

pile of things remains in red letters and timer has been recklessly stopped.
feel awkward to see this 4 digits changing.(not even all, just two of it.)

feeling like a loser to leave missions behind.
just regard it as one of the humongous failures.

All necessary is a couple of days more for catch up those leftovers.


But it won't happen I guess.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Brand New Start!'
It's another but never-same beginning.
from the plan to execution of it, all possibility is given.

However none of these conditions make up the success.
It's about the person as always.
What is being underestimated is that 'change(success) follows by effort'.
passive attitude won't gain the dream.
active and advancing manner with bothersome discomfort is essential key to the door of newness.

Reborn! Changed! New man!

That's you and me from now on!


Happy New Year!