dark skin.

Dark skin has two kinds.

1.> a kind of dark skin that tanned with someone's will.

Beach. Tanning machine. Sports. oil. medicine.

sleek, glossy, attractive, silky and charming.


2.> the other kind of dark skin that is far from one's desire.

Parents. construction area. dusty tool. shine through.

crumbly, lusterless, dry, variegated, wrinkly and somber.


Colours may look same.

But. are they same? How do you think?

Merry Christmas

Happy Birthday to Jesus!!!!

Celerbration!!!

I pray for you celerbrating Jesus's birthday~!!


Have a happy Christmas!!

My bloger! -Nori Bugyinszki-

whoever comes here(even once), tell me here or send me a photo of you thru e-mail.

hahaha.. just to keep and see who are here and i'll post them!

thx.. hahaha. (or leave a comment so that i can see who you are. I'll post it.)


Actually, all of sudden, I just felt that this blog need to be a bit playful like others'.
(and nothing to do..... for this whole month..)

anyway, i'll be looking forward to you!

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Nori Bugyinszki.

She is from Hungary. She's a blessed daughter of God. I think she wouldn't know that she encourages me a lot when I feel down. English is always troublesome for communication btwn her and me. I told her that i'll learn Hungarian, but now it seems her Korean is far better. Her e-mail in my mail box is always starts with Szia Hani~!!!. haha. hm..

I'm so sorry for that I haven't been in Korea last summer. And I feel bad about me losing Magyarorszag language since I left Magyar. But I'm sure we'll meet again cuz God is right there looking down us. Thx for your prayer all the time and I'm still looking forward to listening to your drumming!!! Nori~! thx for cheering me up all the time~!



God Bless U!!!!

My bloger! - Ethel Chan-

whoever comes here(even once), tell me here or send me a photo of you thru e-mail.

hahaha.. just to keep and see who are here and i'll post them!

thx.. hahaha. (or leave a comment so that i can see who you are. I'll post it.)


Actually, all of sudden, I just felt that this blog need to be a bit playful like others'.
(and nothing to do..... for this whole month..)

anyway, i'll be looking forward to you!

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Ethel Chan.

That's her. No description is needed other than that photo. It is quite sure that Melbourne is not the reason why she has been high throughout this year. She's hyperactive. That's all I can say.

Thx Ethel for this year, especially for your E&D folder. Your way of saying 'hi' to me(waving hands AND legs) was impressive enough to remember you. I don't think i'll see it next year, but i hope i see it in 2010. haha.


God Bless U.

My bloger! - Fiona Ip-

whoever comes here(even once), tell me here or send me a photo of you thru e-mail.
hahaha.. just to keep and see who are here and i'll post them!
thx.. hahaha. (or leave a comment so that i can see who you are. I'll post it.)

Actually, all of sudden, I just felt that this blog need to be a bit playful like others'.
(and nothing to do..... for this whole month..)

anyway, i'll be looking forward to you!


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Fiona Ip. Ms.Mouth. haha.

She's laughing. She suits laughing. She and I could get close during the last exam. She has cared about me quite much. Even though I didn't say anything about it, but i was feeling it.

I found a better pic! haha. I felt somehow that I distracted your focus on last exams. Sorry for that. haha. But remember to keep yourself up for everything! You are grown up! haha.


God Bless U.

My bloger! - Tan Yan Jun-

whoever comes here(even once), tell me here or send me a photo of you thru e-mail.
hahaha.. just to keep and see who are here and i'll post them!
thx.. hahaha. (or leave a comment so that i can see who you are. I'll post it.)

Actually, all of sudden, I just felt that this blog need to be a bit playful like others'.
(and nothing to do..... for this whole month..)

anyway, i'll be looking forward to you!


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Tan Yan Jun a.k.a. 'June'.

My City Motel owner. Even though she haven't worn any skirt for this year, she is one of the most girlish girl. I haven't told her this yet but she's quite caring GIRL. haha.(I mean it.)

You know what? If you go Clayton next year, Oakleigh is really good place to stay! Haha. Then we can be neighborhood! I'll look forward to meet you again here next year! Thx for everything this year and Thx again!

God is with you!

My bloger! - Jasmine Law-

whoever comes here(even once), tell me here or send me a photo of you thru e-mail.
hahaha.. just to keep and see who are here and i'll post them!
thx.. hahaha. (or leave a comment so that i can see who you are. I'll post it.)

Actually, all of sudden, I just felt that this blog need to be a bit playful like others'.
(and nothing to do..... for this whole month..)

anyway, i'll be looking forward to you!


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Jasmine Law (I don't know why but this blog keeps erasing photos and i don't think it's good for me to keep changing DBSK's photo. haha.)

I couldn't have much time to talk to her. But I remember that she was so excitied when I come up with K-pop stars.

Thx for visiting my blog!! I hope that you are enjoying this poor one! So are you coming back to Melbourne next year? haha. I wish you learn and get influenced from only good things in Korean stuff!! haha. .there're so many things bad. Have good time during the holiday.!!

God Bless U!

A Passive Pessimistic Poor.

Perhaps the encompassment of a transparent wall is only seen by me.
or I'm the only one who feels it and knows how cold its surface is.

I don't know. Have no idea.

Maybe I've always been waiting for the one who can break into it.
Probably it has been me who building the wall tight and hard, while shouting out to get someone rending it.
Definitely irritation has been originated from me.

This locked-up mind finally gets me finding an outstretching distance btwn you and me.
And once again, the shackle of my waist is fastened and it warned me to look over the wall surrounding me.

But I've saved my smile and appreciation more and more as I've built this wall solider and firmer.

Nevertheless, I'm smothered by the rotten of this beautiful thank in me that I've especially taken care of for the one.

I'd be able to say that I regret that the shame i made to those hands you reached out to me.

However, I'm the 'Han'man'.
It'll be me. It'll be me suffering from the shackle on my waist and the tightness of breathing that I made for myself.

I'll be suffering all the time from the thing I made, called 'isolation'.

The Hardway by KJ52

Some people gotta learn the hard way
I guess I'm the kinda guy who has to find out for myself
I had to learn the hardway Father
I'm on my knees and I'm crying for Your help

The warning signs like falres in the night
I proceed with my greed indeed but now in spite
of the fire I knows to burn I never learn
as the world turns on its axis I'm like Saul
on the road to Damascus I'm like broken fragments
of broken glasses can't see the facts is
from the fiction God's voice now speaking
but i never listened got me wishing I never
took the hard way 'cause every day is a hard day
turn my heart away God be feeling like
He's far away Jesus take the scars away
'cause life be mad hard today
trying hard not to sway
selfish way finally catching up to me
but if I fall you's catching me
I know You's catching me

Some people gotta learn the hard way
I guess I'm the kinda guy who has to find out for myself
I had to learn the hardway Father
I'm on my knees and I'm crying for Your help

Been high and low but the stories told
my eyes can show that I walked the hard ways road
when it's my time to go I'll stand toe to toe
to one who grips my soul whose never letting go
life's so cold but so many times
I shed so many tears from so many eyes spoke so many
lies
I was the maker of my own demise
my own face I couldn't recognize woke up one day
and realized my compromised lifestyle
since the birth canal to a juvenile yo this kid was wild
sometimes it hurts to smile but Jesus made it worth my while
keeping it versatilelike I was writing in Spanish backwards
in a cursive style so meanwhile to the mean time
I leave the blind to lead the blind
so with every step I climb
leave the past way far behind out of sight and out of mind

Dwindling myself grabs me tight with confidence.

I've got a thankful fruit from this year's effort.

For this second chance,
I set a goal of 100% attendence in school and fulfiled it.
I've got enough score to be called 'successful'.

I had been confident at the first time and I broke my heart with my own chisel and hammer.

As time goes by, everything looked so far from me.

So, I diminished myself in me.
I had known that I am nothing but a mere defect.
So I gave up myself and let him be the one to decide my way.
And with the joy sharing with him, I came down here.


I checked how far i can do over the given opportunity and it was successful.
I could get compensation paid of what i'd thought i lost.

That's all. That's all i wanted.
Even though I cannot go on this splendid, desired and blessed torture(competing with english speakers...), I am already happy enough and satisfied.

If I were given a bad result, I would be happy for having this opportunity I desired for a while.
So, how can i be unhappy with the fact that I got a successful result from it? Haha.

Nothing has been confirmed yet. What I see is never be the one coming later.
whether it'll be Mining or working in a farm, it's time to be ready to make another thankful fruit.

On a shallow ice at around summer.

Yesterday I got a confirmation that I cannot get financial suppliment from Bank and my father.

It seemed obvious but that i heard it verbally concludes a not quite happy smiling.
As I have done, I have to bear another bitterness in my chest over the selfish hope.
I think I can do it, I've prepared this moment for whole year and tried so hard to keep myself away from the far-away-dream that i am normal enough to stand in a crowd.


And I heard that my grandmother discovered cancer growing in her.
She got sentenced a short period of her life and when i listened to it, i remembered her voice calling me 'oh my puppy'.

Every single time she has shown her love for me is big.
Everytime she asked me to come to her house, I was busy for nothiing, doing for nothing and with no one more than her.

the messy life I have believed and lived in have had me in it and took the most precious things from me, the people who loved me.


With it, i'm at the zero point again. I'm at the mouth of 'brand new beginning beyond leaving everything i had'.
Although this confrontation is not so burdening as it used to be due to my soul leader, but as a weak human it seems true that i cannot get used to it.









This tag of my life 'lifegoesontheloninesstoo' seems a stigma on my heart that never heals up forever.

Farewell. End to And.

The strange year has been finished. Leaving where I am fit, I started this new (returning back) and exotic year in school. It was a good time. Not only because I had a memoriable year, but also I tasted student again. I could be beside the teenagers and felt so. It felt like it was a compensation of my bottom life lasted 6 years.

And everything has first finished, I had to say adieu to the chances of meeting ppl in a safely guarded frame, school.




Most of people left or are about to leave for their own countries. For a spare time to recollect the pieces of their own traces in Melbourne, for recharging their exhausted energy from the energetic support or encouragement about their support, these cuties went back to their people, their friends and their home.



Everyone has been given different things. To adjust themselves into a same picture, all of them struggle with the differences from normality. In fact, there is none such a 'normal' or 'usual'. Wherever they believe that they have something that is seen from others, they just assume and estimate this commonness.

whatsoever, i'm given this 'my situation' that everyone calls 'abnormal'. And I, too, strive to be fit in what i think 'normal'. And that concluded and brought a 'my type of farewell'.


Will you miss me? Wouldn't you want to see me again? Will you remember this time we spent?


My answer has been always same.
(direct translation from my Korean answer.)

Whenever you miss me, i'll miss you.
when you miss me, you'll know how i miss you.


It doesn't sound nice enough like 'Sure, I'll miss you!! I'll never forget this moment we had'.
I know that. I know. But that's the only thing that i can say.
That's the only thing i can say.



to manage myself. to keep myself. to protect myself. myself who is weaker than anyone.

At the zero point again.(from my cyworld homepage.)

whenever I thought i'm ready to run, i realize that i'm at the zero point again.

whenever I lifted something a little above, I realize that it is laid on zero point again.

Whenever I accumulated things little by little and felt it'd be enough for me, then I realize there's nothing in my hands.

Whenever I made a great number of my ppl and satisfied, I realize that i've got nobody near me.

Whenever I agreed that i know more than ever, I realize that i'm the most foolish than any other.

When I finished something, I realize that i'm facing new zero point.

Zero point. Whatever i do, it never fade away from me.

Every way i choose, the end of the way shows me the same zone...'Zero point.'

after facing a large number of zero points, Now i realize the reason why i got stuck in zero point.

because it's all done by 'I'. because 'I did', there was no change at all.

I'm nothing.. I can't do anything.. So at the moment I'm facing again the zero point, I just wanna give up myself. I surrender all who i am.

I won't do by my name.

Can you hear me, my Lord?

I will not do anything by and for me.

I lay down everything I have here,

take these and take my will..

please, please take a look here, here's a stray sheep wanna come to you.

lead me and use me.

I long to be absorbed in your love.

just put my life in your glorious name.

I know you listen to me now..

I can't even say the word by myself.

So just make me say I dare love you, Lord..

make me dare....

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[Song] 'Cant Live a Day' by 'Avalon'

I could live life alone
And never fill the longings of my heart
The healing warmth of someone`s arms
And I could live without dreams
And never know the thrill of what could be
With every star so far and out of reach
I could live without many things
And I could carry on, but
I couldn`t face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can`t live a day without You
Lord, there`s no night and there`s no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You`re the heartbeat of all I do
I can`t live a day without You
Oh, I could travel the world
See all the wonders beautiful and new
They`d only make me think of You
And I could have all life offers
Riches that were far beyond compare
To grant my every wish without a care
Oh I could do anything, oh yes
But if You weren`t in it at all
I couldn`t face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can`t live a day without You
Lord, there`s no night and there`s no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You`re the heartbeat of all I do
I can`t live a day without You
Oh Jesus, I live because You live
You`re like the air I breathe
Oh, Jesus, oh, I have because You give
You`re everything to me
I couldn`t face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can`t live a day without You
Lord, there`s no night and there`s no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You`re the heartbeat of all I do
I can`t live a day without You