Yesterday I got a confirmation that I cannot get financial suppliment from Bank and my father.
It seemed obvious but that i heard it verbally concludes a not quite happy smiling.
As I have done, I have to bear another bitterness in my chest over the selfish hope.
I think I can do it, I've prepared this moment for whole year and tried so hard to keep myself away from the far-away-dream that i am normal enough to stand in a crowd.
And I heard that my grandmother discovered cancer growing in her.
She got sentenced a short period of her life and when i listened to it, i remembered her voice calling me 'oh my puppy'.
Every single time she has shown her love for me is big.
Everytime she asked me to come to her house, I was busy for nothiing, doing for nothing and with no one more than her.
the messy life I have believed and lived in have had me in it and took the most precious things from me, the people who loved me.
With it, i'm at the zero point again. I'm at the mouth of 'brand new beginning beyond leaving everything i had'.
Although this confrontation is not so burdening as it used to be due to my soul leader, but as a weak human it seems true that i cannot get used to it.
This tag of my life 'lifegoesontheloninesstoo' seems a stigma on my heart that never heals up forever.
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