I wanted to share my joy as well as the value of my way so that 'we' can be one.
I have tried hard to embrace the loneliness part of me till such philosophical worth is being known by a beautiful lady.
All I wanted was the assurance that she will be with me, regardless of whatever happens, for the time we can become real 'us'.
So i tried reall hard to understand her and make her to participate this joint actively.
I do know that she had heart for me.
I do know she really struggled with what she does not even feel like knowing.
Whenever that was seen, I tried to explain that I will be helpful for the hardship so just ask me actively or tell me.
But I guess that has become another pressure I put on her on the top of the difference of myself from others.
She confessed that she did not want all these hardship in the relationship.
I thought these hardship was a promising step for the future but for her it was just a burden that will ever continue.
She did talk about her willing, but there was no expression of how willing she is for this hardship.
I did not care about how different she and I are.
I did not even care about the slow pace of the progress.
Because I thought all these could be overcome one day as long as we assure in each other's motivation.
Yes. I just wanted an active participation in making process for becoming 'us'.
I have been degraded throughout the every trial of continuing the conversation. it was like talking to a wall.
I have felt additional loneliness of myself while I was redirecting her emotion to a better motivation because my emotion has to be dealt alone.
When I was pouring my heart, she was listening to the sound of my words.
My heart spilt. and I was busy picking back up the pieces of my heart behind her.
My picture which was never told is oneness of the two physically different entities combined by selfless leading and selfless supporting.
Once I had such hope coming closer.. But I was too little to compensate the innocent and pure sacrifice.
And now.. I thought I could have the hope far more fully due to the thickness of the seriousness given to me, but all were my over-expectation and disappointment was accumulated as I put more and more hope.