Somewhere in the middle.

Where do I belong in aspect of human being?

Biologically, I am a 185cm tall male.
Geologically, I am Korean who stays in Melbourne at the moment.
professionally, I am a melb uni student and a PCA at nursing home in Carnegie.
Religiously, I am a JESUS HOLIC in all capital.
Politically, I am a skeptical to most of the policies which involves ideas of economics.



okay. So are those me?

I do not know. Cuz I don't think I am.

I have friends but i am alone. I am alone but I have friends.
I am religious but i am not religious. I am not Christian but I am Christian.
I am out of the people but i am one of the people. I am not in society but I am a member of it.
I stays in Melbourne but I do not belong to Melbourne. I speak Korean but I don't feel Korea.
My family is all alive but I can't see them. I can't feel them but I love them.
I am not a clubbing one but I like socialising. I don't like biased 'Carpe Diem' life but I enjoy every minute.
I am told I have much experience but I don't agree exprience is good thing.
I traveled a lot but I don't like leaving.
I like food but I cannot cook.
I value people but I tend to be disgusted with crowd.
I do have my own way of thinking but I don't want opportunity cost.
........ then what is it? What am I? What do I want? What do I long for? What am I heading for?

Belonging.

At least, one thing is sure, then.

Business, Busyness.

Business is never easy.

But when you face busyness including business, you'll dream of going back to deal with single business.

Hanman Diary.

Knowing nature.
Understanding Society.
Japanese.
Principles of Marketing.

----------------------.
One info.

ohisaSHIBURI desu ne. - means 'haven't seen you for a long time' of a formal way.

When teacher asked the class to repeat, I grinned a bit.
Cuz it sounds like 'where the F*** are you saying now, huh?' in korean.

And then,

informal way of 'haven't seen you for a long time' ..... It was another bomb.

SHIBARAku desu ne.

............. it's just 'You, F***' in korean.

I never laugh with dirty jokes or curse words since I changed my mind.

But it's Japanese. the one I hated for my whole life till I realize i have to love everyone in the world.

This subject is getting interesting.
Ah... due to the repeatation, I used korean bad words today since long time ago.
Hm.

Han man Diary.

It gets started to become eager to play drum once again.

havin not played drum for last 2 months, to see somebody playin drum drives me crazy.


It is not good that I feel like shackled into time. The frame irrelevant to myself that everyone is entrapped is expanding its dark hands over my freedom.

It's quite great feeling to be back to school, tho.
Although I encounter the situation I sit with someone much younger than me(I hope there's no generation gap), I finally acquired the gratification of being one of the most which I've longed for a long long time!


But this busyness of doing all the things i can afford to at the moment finally locked me in the calculative perspective to the time I have.


Ah... University. tertiary education is as precious, lonely and detestable as I never dreamt after my silly rough attitude towards schools washed off of me.

It's called further studying. but it's just first studying for me. The fact requires me to compensate the bygone time I wasted when I was in school.


Hm. Epitomizing article homework of knowing nature gives me nothing to know naturally.


Understanding society shakes my collar to urge me to say that I won't be able to.


Japanese, the one of the hateful subjects in my teenage, is once again popped up onto the surface to test my immune against heterogeneous abhorrence.


Principles of marketing feels like when i need to go to market to buy food.(which I have no idea how to do.)



nevertheless, the reason I can be thankful and grateful is that I know it's not me who's doing all these. The only duty I gotta do is just to do hard. That's it.


And then, the consequences, hence, are all acceptable, since I trust what he gives is good for me.



So, let's get ends of my lip wide to east and west.

Hanman Diary.

It's been a long night.

just finished night duty and got home, waiting for washing machine to finish.

(So that I can wear the uniform again for afternoon shift.)

tmr, one of my dearest fellas is coming to melbourne.

He'll be with me. To pick him up from the airport, gotta get up early.

but today i finish work at 2315. And I have to sleep from now on.

Will I be able to get there by 0700??

it'd be better to send a txt to my friend, the driver, to come and wake me up.

I'm looking over how to start uni.

All are quite new and heaps of info smuggle into my tiny little brain in gigantic huge head.

esp. subjects are killing me.

What'd be good to do as breadth subject? So many and So cautious.

can't play drum anymore in Church.

instead i become a lead singer.

gotta pray more and more.

just paid house bills. became a begger.

wanna play soccer.

but cannot even play basketball.

won't miss this time on Sunday.

the movie, 'Hot Fuzz', is quite amazing.

bought it and watched it twice again!

Still quite cool.

let's sleep. can't even type a word now.

Love.

love. what an impactive word it is.
It is what everyone dreams of, what needs to be special and what always makes ppl warm and smiling.
It brings you passion, longing, timidity and at the same time boldness.
Once it passed you by, it leaves irrevocable time waste, irreparable malfunction and irrecoverable scar on your heart and daily life.

Love. How boring it sounds.
Wherever you go, whenever you listen to music or everysingle seasonal day you get tired of hearing it.
It drives a nail of caring mind into your ears. It's a cliche you feel nothing of.
However, it sometimes is a charm and a deposit for payback. It is useful to justify yourself. It squeeze some hearts to get involved into your certain purpose.


Love. How unimaginably huge!
It siezes parents tightly and disarms their calculation. It operates reckless sympathy. It is never known by the recievers. And it is the most precious thing once the acquisitor realized. Impossible to repay and too humongous to perceive fully.


Love.
How much of love do I enjoy in my life?
How much am i able to measure?

Love.
How many kinds of love do you follow after in you life?

14Jan10 Hanman diary.

Rented a car. gathered ppl. went to Sovereign hill, the gold mine.

due to the accesibility of all the information thru media and internet,

nothing was interesting much. Some are even disappointing.

This imaginary adornment is far expanded by the manipulative media.

Thank you media~!!! Thank you technology~! Thank you development!

Hanman Diary. 'some photos from 2009'

[show yourselves!]

[unnoticably taken at circus]

[With Mr.English!!]

[with Trinity fellas and my bro]

[a we really at same age?]

[leaving Oakleigh..]

[come on, babe!]

[Wow! it's a snake!]


[dance with me on the beach, fellas!]

[feel like feelin someth'n]

when the Sun shines

When the Sun shines
all creatures reveal their colors.
In fact, they just reflect the light coming from Sun.

When a man smiles
all the ppl around him has a several size of 'delight' impact.
in fact, they want to smile deep down in their heart and he triggers it of everyone.

Smile.

don't you wanna be the one who infect joyful virus to everyone?

be the one, my dear.

2010.

It shouldn't be new year!!
Haven't achieved what I had planned to do within 2009.
So just can't let 2009 go away like this.

pile of things remains in red letters and timer has been recklessly stopped.
feel awkward to see this 4 digits changing.(not even all, just two of it.)

feeling like a loser to leave missions behind.
just regard it as one of the humongous failures.

All necessary is a couple of days more for catch up those leftovers.


But it won't happen I guess.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Brand New Start!'
It's another but never-same beginning.
from the plan to execution of it, all possibility is given.

However none of these conditions make up the success.
It's about the person as always.
What is being underestimated is that 'change(success) follows by effort'.
passive attitude won't gain the dream.
active and advancing manner with bothersome discomfort is essential key to the door of newness.

Reborn! Changed! New man!

That's you and me from now on!


Happy New Year!

Feel 'firm'!

To live hard is always a virtue of the life in this time of world.


In Korea, there's a words saying 'study hard when you need to study and play hard when you have free time'.

it's just 'live every moment as hard as you can'.


There's no defect in this words, at least from the sound of it.


Action and reaction, pros and cons.


doing hard may take away the time to ponder the reason for it, doing hard.


What for?


Money, Friends, Marriage, being a good son/daughter, honour, own goal, benefit for others and so on.

All the Motivation and purpose set seems lack of the thought about reason.


Is your reason worthy to put your whole life?


Just curious. to you and to me too.



Hence, there must be more time to lay down, being lazy, sit back to find out what drives your life.


never doing hard is not what i am saying.
But what i am saying is to think harder for doing hard.

(With world famous Drummer, Jojo Mayer)

Hanman's Diary.

farewell parade.

This is farewell season. those I start australian life with are leaving one by one.

For any reason, the fact of the seperation btwn us means alot to me.(Whoever it'd be.)

deep colour of solitude has been sketched under my skull. I always handle this cancering scareness via reflecting myself to those who're with me.

And now, one by one is leaving me and it reminds me of the times that I had to do a sole and heart-tearing surgery.

Ppl won't stop or prevent the process in me.

But they retarded it. And now they are leaving.

I'm afraid of another sugery that I have to make.

I'm scared of.

The scene with full of grey blood coming from my feeble heart.

Undisputed Identity.

'I'm one of you' attitude.

One of the sliest way to sneak in.

But there's certain things that you can't disguise like gender, height, weight, ethnic group and so on.(some become possible these days, tho.)

Above all identities I have, there's one thing that is firm in me. 'Christian'.

It's really easy name tag to have, but never allowed to everyone who insists themselves as Christian.

Holy human. ppl on God's side other than on worldly side.

That's Christian and what I do here will be a different life.

Yeah. that's it. I'm unashamed of God, whom I believe.

I am not unashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes!(Roman 1:16)

Han'man Diary.

It's bn a while since I wrote something here last time.

Sometimes exhausting daily life strangled me and kept me away from writing something,

and when sparkling thing happened, I felt just numb to move or write.

Nowadays I face the big deal that I've expected for 2 years.

To be able to continue studying till the end or to taste a bit and end it......

Either way is given, it will never change any thing in my mind.

But it's somehow not so delightful to go through the negative result which is most likely to be happen in respect of world's point of view.

Been sick for a while.

But I haven't had trouble with sickness since I was so busy thinking this in my head.

(Which is good in a respect, tho.)

I'd better wait for another hot day instead of sitting wishing the negative not happens.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyaaaaaaw!

Don't waste your life

Don't waste your life by Lecrae(feat. Cam & Dwayne Tryumf)

[Hook: Cam]
Don't wanna waste my life

[Verse 1: LeCrae]
I know a lot of people out there scared they gone die
Couple of em thinking they'll be livin in the sky
But while I'm here livin man I gotta ask why, what am here fo I gotta figure out
Waste my life
No I gotta make it count
If Christ is real then what am I gonna do about
everything in Luke 12:15 down to 21
You really oughta go and check it out
Paul said if Christ ain't resurrect then we wasted our lives
Well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive
Everyday I'm living tryin show the world why
Christ is more than everything you'll ever try
Better than pretty women and sinning and living to get a minute of any women and men that you admire
Ain't no lie
We created for Him
Outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him
Jesus comes and raises for Him/
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser/
He made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess him/
Resurrects him/
So I know I got life
Matter of fact better man I know I got Christ
If you don't' see His ways in my days and nights
You can hit my brakes you can stop my lights/
Man I lost my rights
I lost my life
Forget the money cars and toss that ice
The cost is Christ
And they could never offer me anything on the planet that'll cost that price.
[Verse 2: Dwayne Tryumph]
Armed and dangerous
So the devil jus can't handle us
Christian youth them a stand wid us
Livin' n driven
Given a vision
Fullfillin the commission he handed us
London to Los Angeles
Da rap evangelist
Ma daddy wouldn't abandon us
"I gotta back pack fulla tracts plus I keep a Johnny Mac"
So are you ready to jam with us
So let's go, gimme the word an let's go
Persecution let's go
Tribulation let's go
Across the nation let's go
Procrastination bes go
Hung on the cross in the cold
Died for da young and the old
Can't say you never know
Heaven knows
How many souls are going to hell or to heaven so we gotta go in and get em
Whaaaaat!
[Verse 3: LeCrae]
Suffer
Yeah do it for Christ if you trying to figure what to do with your life
If you making money hope you doing it right because the money is Gods you better steward it right
Stay focused if you ain't got no ride
Your life ain't wrapped up in what you drive
The clothes you wear the job you work
The color your skin naw we Christian first
People living life for a job
Make a lil money start living for a car
Get em a house a wife kids and a dog
When they retire they living high on the hog
But guess what they didn't ever really live at all/
To live is Christ yeah that's Paul I recall/
To die is gain so for Christ we give it all
He's the treasure you'll never find in the mall.
See Your money your singleness marriage talent and time
They were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
That's why it's Christ in my rhymes
That's why it's Christ all the time
My whole world is built around him He's the life in my lines
I refused to waste my life
He's too true ta chase That ice
Heres my gifts and time cause I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he's truly raised to life
Then this news should change your life
And by his grace you can put your faith in place that rules your days and nights.

Dn

Han man's Diary.

I'm movin out.

Leaving this old beloved place, I just finished cleaning new house.
This house contract is verbal and under the personal contract without an agency.
Owing to that, I had to arrange up all by myself as a tenant.
The New place, which locates in Carnegie, is in Carnegie.

(What am I sayin?)
Anyway it means, I ain't need to worry abt train schedule after work any more.
But what I concern at the moment is that how I am gonna manage the ppl who moves in.
I ain't dare to worry the stuff. There's the one who got my back.

Hm. I've taken most of the furniture and stuffs out of the house and mop 'em up.
Thankfully, I could have a few fellas that helped me cordially so that I could ge things over within today. It's another help from the one who got my back.

What a day~!

Whole week is rainy but not today. It's quite amazing that the day I need clean weather most is bright breeze day. Thursday is the moving day and forecast says it'll be rainy. However, I ain't worry cuz there's the one who get my back.

Take all as it comes

In a month, I'm moving out to a new land called 'Carnegie'.

Unexpected oportunity has been given without any effort.
It's all about the blessing on my attitude that 'take all as it comes'.

My monetary status just hit the utmost last week and it starts dwindling by the unanticipated needs that I could avoid if I've wanted.

For those expenses, I'm also 'take all as it comes'.

Take all as it comes. yeah. all the things. cuz all of it is under control of the one I'm meant to be in.


I've been asked to write a script for a play in Church.

'Take it as it comes'.

I'm about to finish it and already be thankful for all the words I could come up with.

I can't wait to see.

what precious memory the participant would make,
how exciting the atmosphere in the hall will be,
and, definitely last but not least,

that massage of it will be delivered to those who wanted to hear from the one that asked me to write it.

God. U are the only motivation that generates my passion.

Sittin on a random street.

Wind blows like a lullaby
Whisper babbles peace goes by
Twilight beauty sets down, no more good bye
and says no one needs any alibi.

dense loneliness.

What a reunion with Mr.Loneliness.

My life drives me of getting new and different.
so new and different that I may stray and feel so lonely.
It is all about this life that i keep my orientation without any influence of main stream.(or against main stream).

Its nature is apart from any form of compromise with sweety, worldly and sexy vague attraction.
And its vainness has been vaporized at meeting of the outer boundary of my firmness.
However ironically the steam from the crash paints a certain wall which depart me from the flow.

dark solitude like chocolate ball is gulped and generates a fierce partition called clear isolation.